An Undefinable Sweetness
by Vaughn's Jenn
Summary: ~:~COMPLETE!~:~ START WITH CHAPTER 17 if you haven't read this story before. "Nothing else matters except this moment right here. This is our happily ever after." ~A Jennfic~
1. Unchained Melody

An Undefinable Sweetness 

Chapter 1: Unchained Melody

Sydney opened her eyes and stifled a yawn. Her eyes widened a little as the events of the night before suddenly flashed in front of her. She looked beside her, hoping to see a warm body next to her, wishing that he could have stayed. But there was only empty space.

Well, empty space and a note with a rose. Sydney grinned. Vaughn was so sweet. She gingerly opened the note.   
  
"Sydney, You are the most amazing person I could ever hope to meet. I just wanted you to know for the past few months, you have been the reason I wake up in the morning and the last person on my mind when I go to sleep; your smile has become the light of my life and I cannot wait until I see you again. –V."

She sighed and fell back onto her pillow. _Oh. My. God. I can't believe we did it. I can't believe we breached all protocol. We could be fired for this. What kind of service is this to our country? _ But despite her rational thoughts, she was already reliving last night.

~Flashback~

"Your next counter mission will be to replace the painting with this one. It contains a tiny surveillance camera in the folds of this leaf ; we want to see what SD-6 is going to do with it because, frankly, we're not sure."

Sydney nodded, completely professional in all things outside of her mind and brain. _God, he's so sexy when he talks like that. Look at him, being all serious, going over the counter mission with a fine-toothed comb just to keep me safe.  I sound exactly like a schoolgirl with a crush on her teacher but LORD! He's gorgeous. _ 

  
She noticed Vaughn looking around distractedly and was about to comment when she heard him speak.  
  


"Shit, I left the pin back in my room. It'll take about 40 minutes. Do you want to wait or should I give it to you tomorrow?" Vaughn's eyes took on a worried expression. Sydney loved him for it.

"Umm, pin?" God, she knew she would be caught one of these days.

"C'mon Sydney, don't play dumb. You know, the pin that you attach to the cameras so they will just keep looping?"

"Right. That pin. Got it.  Well, Vaughn, my flight is at 5 in the morning and I'm telling you now that if you wake me up before then, though it will be a sweet gesture of how early you are willing to get up in the morning for me, I will kill you."

He chuckled, his eyes twinkling seductively. "All right Sydney. You win." He paused. 

_She always wins doesn't she? Yeah, of course she does. I'm such a sucker._  "So, you wanna wait here while I go or do you want to go home and I'll just find some way to give it to you?"

"Don't be silly Vaughn. You know, so far all of these ways are just making it a lot harder on yourself. I don't need you to do all this. I'll just go with you." She smiled, hoping he would forget the rulebook just this once.

"You know Sydney, I can't just forget the rulebook!"  _Why is she smiling like that? She's trying to stop herself from laughing isn't she? What did I do?_

_Classic Vaughn._  She grinned. "I know but, well, let's just take a look-see at our situation shall we? It's midnight, we work together, if we do it any other way it will be extremely inconvenient for at least one of us, we can easily explain the situation to Devlin. Besides, even if he does get pissed, it's not like he can fire us or anything. And if any civilians see us, why we're just an extremely attractive couple going to one of our houses for a little action," She winked at him and his discomfort.

"Look-see? I can't believe you actually said look-see." Vaughn desperately tried to change the topic.

"Don't change the subject, Vaughn. It's not like we're actually going to do something awful. I mean, we're just getting the pin in the most convenient way possible. Don't you trust me to keep my hands to myself?" Sydney grinned. _What is this doing to him? Is it having any effect? Please have effect, please, please, please????!!! _

_God, does she know what kind of effect she's having on me? This woman is crazy and beautiful and I can't say no but I have to. C'mon Vaughny. Whoa, not Vaughny. Never Vaughny. C'mon Vaughn. Yeah, that sounds much more masculine. C'mon Vaughn, you're strong, you're CIA, you're buff. Say NO!  _"Well, I guess it will be all right. If you promise to behave yourself." He gave wink of his own, proud of himself for throwing Sydney, at least a little, off balance.

*Whoa, Vaughn knows how to flirt! * Sydney nearly giggled as she picked up her bag. "All right Watson, let us go!" 

Vaughn looked at her uncomprehendingly for a second before it clicked. "All right, Sherlock! Wait, why are YOU Sherlock?"

"Because I say so and if you don't agree, well, I'm pretty sure I could kill you using just my thumb!"

Vaughn laughed then. A real, throaty laugh that reverberated in his throat and sent shivers up Sydney's spine.

They got into his car, Sydney sinking into his plush seats. The very air in here smelled like him and she couldn't stop herself from saying so. "You know, this whole car smells like you," She said.

"I have no idea from your tone whether or not that is a good or bad thing," Vaughn looked at her and imperceptibly sniffed the air. Well, almost imperceptibly. Sydney noticed but kept her thoughts, and her giggles, to herself.

"It's a good thing, Vaughn. You smell nice." She smiled.

"So do you Sydney. You always smell nice."

Sydney almost laughed at the absurdity. And then she did. Laugh I mean. "That's a pretty high compliment from the man who has seen and smelled me right after I've come out of the sewers."

Vaughn laughed again but couldn't stop himself from replying, "Well Syd, to tell the truth, you still smell good even then. I mean, sure you have a whole bunch of disgusting stuff all over you but, underneath it all, you still smell sweet. I don't even know what it is, but I'd recognize it anywhere-" He stopped, suddenly terrified of the words coming out of his mouth. He wanted to say something movie-esque like "Well, c'mon, at least say something," but he didn't think that phrase would be completely appropriate. 

Sydney's heart caught in her throat. He had basically stated his feelings for her. She wanted to jump for joy, scream, laugh, kiss him until his face came off, well, not OFF, that would be a shame. He had such a beautiful sexy face, Okay, she wanted to kiss him until HER face fell off. But she didn't do anything. She just sat there in the silence, a picture of perfect composure on the outside but wriggling with pleasure inside.

Shit Vaughn, you stupid dumbass. You have no idea what you have just gotten yourself into. She knows and she's just too polite to say anything right now. You're dead. You might as well kill yourself right now. She's gonna request another handler and then you'll have to go back to your desk job and dream of these memories. And you know for sure that this one will be playing over and over, reminding you of the stupidest thing you have ever done in your entire life. 

The silence was way too loud. They couldn't speak, they could hardly breathe, and both were completely aware of the heat, the smell, and the tension between them. Sydney wanted to touch him but instead turned on the radio. "Is it all right?" 

"Su- Sure" Vaughn replied clearing his throat.

And through the silence came the strains of "Unchained Melody".  Sydney had loved this song since before she could remember and began humming along. Vaughn looked at her; she was such an angel, such a beautiful angel. Look at her, singing this song and just hearing her try so hard makes her voice sound better. Ha, he nearly laughed at himself. Okay, so here was something she wasn't perfect at but she was still putting her all into it and that's what he lov- admired about her. "You know, you try so hard and your efforts make you voice sound much better than it is," He said with a wink.

Sydney was unsure at first whether or not he was making a joke or attempting to erase his words from before. She looked at him and then knew. "Well, if you are so good Mr. Hotshot, why don't you sing along?" To her surprise he did. His voice was soft, sexy, breathtakingly low and smooth, he caressed each word with his lips and tongue. God she wanted to be that song right now. "Where the hell did you learn to sing like that, Mr. Vaughn?" She was about ready to swoon. She had always had a thing for guys that sang.

"Oh, well, where does anyone learn to sing?" He grinned. And then they continued, together,

**Oh, my love, my darling,**

**I've hungered for your touch**

**A long, lonely time. **

**And time goes by **

**So slowly and time**

**Can do so much. Are you still mine?**

**I need you love, I need your love**

**Godspeed your love to me.**

Sydney's breath caught as she realized exactly what words she was singing. How could anything be so perfect? She sighed inside her head. When SD-6 was gone, she was pretty sure she was going to maul Vaughn, take him to some secret lair and just ravish him. She smiled at the thought. She hadn't thought that she was that kind of girl.

Vaughn sighed. This is such a perfect song. For him anyway. He had no idea how to gauge Sydney's feelings. He looked over to him and saw her faintly smiling at the window. Could she have some sort of feelings for him to? He knew she cared about him but did she love him? How did he compare to Danny? Or Noah? Or even Will? He pulled into the driveway. "Well, this is it. Home Sweet Home." He took the key out of the ignition just as the last strains of the song drifted away.

  
  
  
TBC… yes, it's edited hopefully for the better. REVIEW!!!


	2. On the Inside

Chapter 2: On the Inside

Sydney looked out the window and grinned at the sight. It was a small house, very cozy looking, and she realized that all it needed was a white picket fence in order for it to embody the _American Dream_. Well, that and a beautiful wife with a bunch of equally beautiful and talented kids. But knowing Vaughn, that was only a hop, skip, and jump away. She turned to look at him and saw the worry lines deepen in his forehead. 

"What's the matter, Vaughn?" She couldn't help but want to smooth his forehead. She wanted him to laugh.

Instead, he turned towards her, his face masked with fear.  
  
 "Sydney, I think I wasn't really in control of myself until just now. What the hell was I thinking? Who the hell cares about discomfort at a time like this? Of course Devlin could fire us! What the hell would stop him? We aren't the only two good agents in the CIA. Sydney, do you realize where we are? We're at MY house. You're not supposed to know where I live. And how are you going to get home? Then I'll know where you live! Sydney! I'm you're handler. You're handler and nothing else." _Great little speech there, Vaughny. What? Vaughny again? I thought we, well, me and I, discussed this already. I'm MICHAEL. Or VAUGHN. No Y. Ever. Whoa, talk about digression. What is wrong with me? Oh yeah. Vaughn, just keep telling yourself that there's nothing else there. Of course there isn't any chemistry. Of course I don't want to look into her eyes forever. What is wrong with me? Did I even leave the pin here by accident? What am I talking about? Of course I did. Argh. _

The look of shock on Sydney's face was almost enough to make him flush. Almost.   
  
"Whoa, Vaughn. Calm down. I'm really sorry, I had no idea you felt this strongly. And I can't believe that I didn't see what was coming and prevent you from compromising your position. And Vaughn, you live so far away that I couldn't remember where you lived if a tried," _Okay, a little white lie never hurt anyone. Even though it could in this case but that's not the point_.  "You can drop me off at the warehouse, my car's parked there. I mean, I had to have some means of transportation right? You don't have to know where I live. And even if you did, I would trust that you wouldn't come by and kidnap me or something. See, everything's settled. I won't even go into your house. I'll close my eyes. Get the pin, I'll take it, call a taxi, and everything will be swell all right? Oh, and one more thing you were wrong about. You're not just my handler. You're my friend."

She smiled softly at his slightly relieved expression and closed her eyes complacently.

"All right. What's done is done. Just don't become some mad stalker all right?" He grinned. _Okay, he's back to his easygoing personality. Or at least he is easy going at the moment. Well, he's not exactly Mr. Relaxed either. Just more, well, more like the person she envisioned him to be in her mind. God knew he wasn't like that all the time. _

Sydney grinned, "Do you really think that I wouldn't be able to resist you if I saw where you lived Agent Vaughn? I'm sure you have many women swooning in the streets as you pass by but I'm a strong woman and it'll take more than the information of a place of residence to get me to become a stalker!" She laughed, barely able to get out the last sentence. The tension was gone. "Besides, Vaughn, what makes you so irresistible anyway? For all you know, you could be the completely wrong type of guy for me."

"Ouch," Vaughn replied, touching his chest with his hand, "that went right to the heart, Syd. You really know how to attack a guy's ego." _I suppose I just assumed that because I know I wouldn't be able to resist you. Not that I'd become a stalker or anything. God that would be scary. It's just that you are the women of my dreams._  He saw her shiver suddenly. "Are you cold? Here, come inside for some coffee. 5 minutes tops and then you can call a taxi."

Sydney could barely nod her head. Had she really heard what she thought she heard? She knew that if she had, it had been through no fault of his. They were both nearly comatose from the mission in Venice last week. She herself had let herself go talking in her sleep about some pie a couple weeks ago after Taipei. She knew then that Vaughn had done exactly what she herself had, though he was in an awakened state. "I wouldn't be able to resist you. Woman of my dreams." The statement was said so softly that the wind outside rivaled its volume. But it pierced through to her ears anyway. And went straight for her heart.

She opened the door and walked to the entrance of his house. He opened the door and quickly disappeared into the room. The kitchen was easy enough to find and she soon saw that there was no more coffee and knew that she would have to fix that problem. She was just turning the coffee machine on when Vaughn came out with the pin in hand. 

"What's the pin for?" She asked innocently, chuckling to herself.

"What? Sydney! Were you paying any attention at all to what I was saying?" His eyes were humongous. Peals of her laughter let him in on the joke and he chuckled ruefully along with her. Worry still stayed in his mind. "Here, I'll get the phonebook for that cab." 

"Okay," she replied. Vaughn was frustrated and anxious as it was. She wasn't going to add to it by suggesting he drive her to the warehouse. Besides, then he would have to drive back and that was even more of an inconvenience than his original idea. Vaughn left the room and Sydney's eye left to the mantel.

Twenty, maybe thirty pictures, all in simple frames, clustered on top of it. Here was Michael, maybe 5 years ago, smiling hugely at some wedding. And here, him with an older woman who somehow managed to look like Michael without losing any femininity at all. _If Michael was a girl… _She grinned at her own little thoughts. Her eyes roamed over all the pictures, finally settling on pictures from his childhood. And that's when her breath stopped.

TBC…


	3. Missing You

3.  
  


"Sydney, I thought I told you to at least _attempt_ to refrain from becoming a mad stalker. I mean, I think I can leave you alone for one minute just to come back finding you memorizing childhood photos. What am I going to do?" Vaughn entered the living room again with the phonebook cradled under his arm. He seemed to be in good spirits. That is, until he saw Sydney's shocked expression.

He walked over to her, concern clouding his brilliantly green eyes. He tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder. "Sydney, is there something wrong?"

Sydney mutely handed the picture over to him.  
  
 He was eight years old, smiling in the embrace of both his mother and father, a short-lived luxury, in front of Harvard University. What the hell he was doing in front of Harvard at the age of eight was beyond him but he remembered that he had enjoyed the visit.   
  
It was December in that picture, the snow drifted lazily in front of the lens and landed in mounds at their feet. A half-finished snowman lay a foot away. The Vaughns were bundled up in their snow wear, smiling faces, and each other. Michael looked up wistfully, thinking about the good times. _What would have happened if my father hadn't died? What kind of man would I be? What if Derevko hadn't killed him? No. Don't blame Sydney; it wasn't her fault. And it wasn't my fault either. Okay, so I had been mad at him; okay so I had told him I hated him for missing my hockey game. Kids do that. Fathers don't go on CIA missions and get themselves killed every single time a kid yells at them. It's not my fault. It's not her fault._ A tear freed itself from his eye and drifted towards his cheek. He turned and remembered Sydney was there. Surely a family picture wouldn't faze her this much could it? After all, she had family of her own and she knew of their history. Was it just the action of actually knowing what his father looked like? 

"Sydney, you know I don't blame for my father's death. I completely understand if you feel a little jarred at seeing his face and all but you have to believe me. You are not your mother and I know that." He looked at her, surprised to see her crying and even more surprised to see her shaking her head. 

Her voice came out almost lower than a whisper. "That's not it. That's . . . not it." She reclaimed the photograph and gazed off into the corner of the picture, looking away from his family or his snowman or even his future college of choice. He stood behind her, half worried about what was wrong with her and half curious to see what had held her attention.

Her finger reached to the very corner of the photograph, right where it became blurry. A very fuzzy family came into view, almost hidden by a snowflake in front of the lens.  Her finger moved downwards, finally resting just below a little girl with dark brown hair, pointing at something in the sky. "That's me." 

Vaughn's mouth was open he knew. He looked closer and saw two figures standing behind the little Sydney. A much younger Jack. And Laura Bristow, a.k.a. Irina Derekvo. He couldn't help but feel a slight rage at the fact that his father's murderer was in the picture as his family. That she should have an imprint on even the happy times of his life. But he looked at Sydney and saw that she only felt sadness, not rage, because of the photograph. He stared at it wonderingly. How amazing was this? What were the chances that another family would bring their almost infant child to Harvard and that she would later become his asset? And he her handler. He wanted to ask her. Ask her about everything, demand her to explain her feelings. But he knew that she was about to express them anyway so he waited. 

"Vaughn, I know that you are probably not experiencing the same reactions that I am. I bet that you feel enraged to know that my_ mother_ has been sitting on your mantel for the past who knows how many years. I know you are probably incredulous that she has appeared in this picture with your father and I know that you probably feel that you would like to burn this picture now. And I also think that you are trying very hard to not blame me." Michael was amazed at how perceptive she was but kept it to himself. "But you have to forgive me. All I feel~ is sadness. And I feel so hollow inside. Like someone has reached out and stolen my soul. You know more that anyone how twisted and fake my life it. Yes, so I'm working for my country. But it's not exactly beneficial to my lifestyle. And now, being here, seeing this.   
  
It all just kind of hit me. 

My childhood was the only true thing in my life. I was actually happy, I had a family, and my mother loved me. I cherished these times, Vaughn. When she. . .  When she died, this era died too. And I suppose that I still think of my mother as "dead". _Laura Bristow died_ and she was my mother. You have to understand.   
  
"No, you don't have to understand. But I _want_ to tell you how very different she was to me. She was my mother. She fed me, played with me, showed me every kindness and showered me with love. And to now remember that that was all fake. . . that not even my childhood was not my own. . .  I feel like I'm not real." She looked down, feeling silly and childish.

Vaughn's heart broke for her. "Sydney, you ARE real. You are the most "real" person I have ever met. Not to mention the strongest. You are an _amazing person_ who has managed to live through things that most people can't imagine and everybody respects you for that." He pulled Sydney into a hug.   
  
"I promise you, that even when everything else around you doesn't make any sense, I will always be your rock. You can always trust me because I'll always be there for you. It's as simple as that all right? I don't blame you for anything, in fact, I admire you more than any other person I know." He realized he was rambling. She probably wasn't even listening to him but he had to say the words. For her to think that she didn't matter, that she wasn't real, was unacceptable for him.   
  
How could the most stable thing in his life not be sure of herself?

His shoulder shook from her sobs and he suddenly realized how much effect the picture was actually having on her. His heart shuddered. His Sydney had been reduced to a child by a photo when nothing else had ever shaken her before. He led her to the sofa and gently set her down. "I'm going to get your coffee okay?" She didn't respond. He got up to get it anyway.

Sydney shook. Yes Vaughn had hugged her, yes his warmth still stayed with her and she was sure some part of her was relishing that but at the moment, it was all she could do to keep her mouth from falling open. She reached out a shaking hand and touched the photo. She still remembered that day. Dad had been so proud of his school, so eager to show her and ingrain its majesty into her brain. She grinned softly. It hadn't actually worked. Her eyes focused then on Laura Bristow. Her hair flying in the wind, snow covering her shoulders, and her features blurred, she was gorgeous.  
  
 Sydney traced her mother's face with her nail, missing her desperately. Yes, her mother was in a cell down at the CIA head quarters but that was not the same woman. That was not the woman who sang her to sleep, who played tricks on her father with her, who taught her how to cook, to read, to sing, and learn the multiplication tables. She shuddered, her whole body aching with hollowness. It took all her strength to hold herself upright. 

Vaughn came back with a steaming cup in hand. Sydney took it gingerly, feeling the warmth rejuvenate her and smelling its mocha fragrance. Then she sat it down on the table, frightened that she wouldn't be able to hold it anymore. She looked at Vaughn who was, in turn, looking at her with an expression of mixed wonderment and concern. _He didn't think he would ever see Super Agent Bristow miss a step. _ She smiled weakly and motioned him to sit down next to her. He did so. She lifted her face to look into his eyes; "Vaughn, I'm so sorry that this all happened. I know I should be in a cab on my way back to the warehouse now. If I get you into trouble, I'll take all the blame, it was my fault. I'm so sorry." The word kept tumbling from her mouth, she couldn't stop. She was so sorry; sorry for all the hurt that she felt, sorry for the burden she put on Vaughn. God knew that he wouldn't let her off alone in a cab now. He was too, well, frankly, he was too maternal for that.

_Look at her, trying to be Superman. Sydney, it's okay to let yourself go. GO ahead and cry, it's only me. Your guardian angel. I'll look out for you. You don't have to go through this alone._  But he merely said, "Okay." 

He wasn't even sure why he said okay. He knew that he would never let her take the blame, that he didn't even know exactly what she was sorry for. It was just that he was unable to speak, too mesmerized at how she managed to be beautiful even swallowed up by misery. And then he realized that he too was miserable. He looked at her_. Well, misery loves company. _

"Vaughn, I can't hold myself up anymore. I don't have the strength right now. So I'll lie down for a few minutes, you wake me up and I'll go all right?" Her eyes were still focused on the picture laying on the table. Vaughn nodded but instead pull her towards him so that she was leaning on his shoulder. He placed an arm around her. _See Sydney? You can lean on me. That's what I'm here for. I'll protect you._


	4. Freeze Frame

Freeze Frame 

He woke up when he heard a rustling. He looked at his watch first and saw the glowing letters spell out "2:20". And that's when he realized his arms were empty_. Sydney!_ He eyes quickly swept around the room and finally saw her vainly trying to open the door. He almost laughed. "Sydney, it's locked. That means you have to unlock the door before you can open it."

Sydney looked up, sheepish and caught in her foolishness. "I knew that. . .  I promise. It's just so dark that I couldn't see where the lock was. That basically means its your fault you know. For having such a dark house, I mean." She cringed on the inside. _Why do I always sound like such an idiot when I talk to him? I mean seriously, why do I always sound so incredibly stupid? God. . .  can it get any worse? Well. . .  if he were to ask me why I was leaving his house during the early hours of the morning like some bad person who was caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Oh wait, my hand is in the cookie jar. I mean, I'm not even supposed to be here. And even then, I was only supposed to stay for like five minutes. And then I. . .  I fell asleep in his arms._ She smiled softly to herself.

"Oh. I see. Well, I suppose nothing is ever your fault. You lead a charmed life. Damn me and my dark house." If it wasn't for the smile in his voice, she would have thought he was serious. "But why are you leaving right now? It's so early." 

_Damn. The one thing I had hoped he wouldn't ask. I feel like I've been caught leaving after a one-night stand._ "Well, I have a flight to catch remember?"

_Right. Wait a minute. Wasn't that flight for 5?_ "Wait a minute. Wasn't that flight for 5 in the morning? I mean, I know airplane things are hectic but I don't think you have to get there 3 hours early for a 5 o'clock flight."

"Yeah well. . .  it wasn't only that. You asked me why I was leaving so early. But I think I'm leaving too late. I was supposed to leave like 2 hours ago. Remember?"

Vaughn ran his fingers through his hair. Of course. Why hadn't he realized that? Maybe it was because he could still smell her scent on his sweater. Though he could probably remember what she smelled like wherever she was. He couldn't believe that 15 minutes ago, Sydney Bristow had been asleep in his arms.

"Well. . ." He paused, unsure of what exactly to say. "Do you want some breakfast before you go?" He wanted to smack himself on the head. _Who wants breakfast at 2 in the morning? Well, I mean besides pregnant ladies._

Sydney chuckled. Vaughn felt relieved. He hadn't known that he had been so concerned about Sydney's feelings about the picture until he finally heard her laugh. Then it felt like his heart had finally started again after staying still. He let out a breath. "Vaughn, who wants breakfast at 2 in the morning? I mean besides pregnant women."

His sudden laugh caught her off guard. She knew her statement was slightly amusing but she didn't know she was that funny. Maybe after SD-6, she'd be a comedian. "What's so funny?"

"Well, it's just that I was thinking the exact same thing. I mean EXACT. Right after I asked you if you wanted breakfast, I thought to myself 'Who wants breakfast at 2 in the morning? I mean, besides pregnant ladies?' Isn't that weird?"  
  
 They laughed together. It was a little thing but then again, it was the little things that mattered in life anyway.

"Very," Sydney replied. They fell into a comfortable silence. Her gaze fell once more onto the photograph. 

Vaughn followed the line of her vision. He took a breath, "Sydney, do you want that picture?" He thought she saw her eyes fill with tears before she composed herself.

"That's all right. I mean, who am I to take a picture depicting your happy childhood just because my own family occupies the corner of it? You probably treasure it a lot more than I do."

She wanted it. He was sure she wanted it. She just wasn't sure if she wanted more that he did and that's why she was unwilling. "Look, Sydney. I probably have an extra copy in a box somewhere. And if you don't take it, I think I'll take it off the mantel place anyway. I have other pictures of my childhood with my parents and . . ." He wasn't sure whether or not to finish his sentence. After a slight hesitation, he did. "Frankly, I don't think I would like to have a picture of Derevko in my house." 

He hoped the words didn't hurt her too much. He knew that her mind would understand, he just wasn't sure if her heart was willing to let go of Laura Bristow. Which was why he had referred to her as Derevko in the first place.

Well. . . if he didn't want it. It made sense that he wouldn't want it anymore. She nodded and smiled at him. 

Vaughn handed her the photo and then rubbed his hands on his pants, unsure of what to do or say next. Sydney made the next move. She hugged him quickly. "All right, I'll see you when I get in about 3 days."

Vaughn nodded glumly. _Haha, if Weiss could see me now. I mean, after the preaching about having Sydney over. If it were anyone else, he would never leave me alone. 'You had a girl stay the night and all you did was give her coffee? You have no life, man.'_

She finally got the door open and stepped out into the blowing wind. Vaughn leaned against the doorway. "Did you call a taxi?" 

She grinned. "You always take care of me Vaughn. Yeah, I called one five minutes ago." 

_You always take care of me Vaughn. Yeah, I guess I do. Not to boast or anything. And its not boasting, it's my job. God don't go. Shut up Michael, she has to go. You know she has to go. What kind of selfish fool are you to put yourself before your country? Just. . .  just shut up_. "Okay then." He didn't move from the doorway. She walked halfway down the narrow walkway before coming back towards him. His eyebrows lifted in surprise.

The wind blew a strand of hair in front of her face and it took all the strength in him to resist tucking it back for her. Though he had to admit she didn't look bad all tousled like that. She tucked the stray hair behind her ear, eliminating any fantasies he might have had about some wild-haired, crazy-eyed, CIA agent/pornstar. Not that he would have any anyway. It was just something to mention that flashed through his mind and procured a smile. 

He came back to reality as he heard her voice. "Vaughn, I just wanted to say. . .  about that thing that you said in the car." _Oh. . . no. . .  I thought we had mutually agreed to bury that. I thought it never happened. I was so close to forgetting what I had said. _"When I didn't say anything, it wasn't because I was mad or annoyed or anything. It was because I was at a loss for words. Vaughn, I hate to sound like a drama queen or something but. . .  just in case I die or something-" She threw him a look as he was about to interject. "I know I'm not going to die Vaughn. I'm just saying that I want you to know that. . . Well, I feel the same way. About you. I know what you smell like too." She blushed. 

Vaughn could feel his jaw slacken. If she hadn't been so sincere, her words might have been funny. 

But before he could get up his courage to say something back, her back was facing him and she was walking. 

TBC…


	5. Lost

 Lost 

The wind felt cold against her back. But maybe it wasn't the wind. Maybe it was just the sudden coldness she felt in her heart. She looked down at the neat, concrete walkway she was walking on. She reached the place where the end of the path reached the sidewalk. Stepping onto it was unbelievably hard. She took a deep breath, _This is me officially leaving Vaughn's house. This is the end. And I'm never coming here again. I can't afford to. _She stepped and waited for the taxi. 

Sydney wanted to look back, wanted to look back with all her heart, wanted to know if he was still in the doorway watching her and waiting for her to leave or if he had long since closed the door and gone back inside. 

She knew that if the door was closed she could look back and no one would know; no one would ever suspect that she had been looking.   
  
But somehow she knew that he was still there. She had basically told him that his feelings were reciprocated and, knowing Vaughn, he would be a true gentlemen and wait for her to leave first. _God, I'm so stupid sometimes. Don't I learn from my mistakes? Aren't I supposed to be some kind of genius? So why can't I learn to stop telling people things I shouldn't be saying? I mean, it killed Danny. I know I didn't exactly tell Vaughn that I have another identity and another life because he knew that already. But I'm still not sure if. . .  is what I told him even more dangerous_?

She looked back then. Just a quick glance over her left shoulder. She didn't see anything. Scratch that. She saw things. She just didn't see anyone. And wasn't prepared for the feelings that would evoke. The empty doorway somehow managed to smash up the perfect idea of a man that was Vaughn. Sure it didn't mean anything but it did. Maybe Vaughn wasn't who she thought he was. _Strange how the little things matter._

The someone that she had been looking for had moved from the doorway though it was still open. She sighed and turned back only to jump. "Vaughn!" He was standing beside her, a coat open in his hands, offering it to her like she was some sort of goddess. "How the hell did you walk so quietly?" Inside she was burning. Brimming with happiness. She had been completely wrong. Here he was.

He grinned sheepishly. "I didn't know I was. Here, you looked cold. Here's a coat." He draped it over her shoulders, never actually meeting her eyes.

And it was then that Sydney completely regretted everything she had told him. He couldn't look at her anymore...  and that hurt a hell of a lot more than the empty doorway.   
  
She made her decision. "Vaughn, what I said...  I only said it because of the passing moment. It didn't really mean what it sounded like. Actually it meant exactly what it sounded like. So I know what you smell like. I mean, who wouldn't know a certain person's smell if they spent most of every day with him? Right? I mean, to me, you smell like. . .  I don't know. Spring I guess. And Home-" _Shut up Sydney. You're just reinforcing his thoughts. Throw him off...  change of subject...  NOW._ "-Not to mention B.O.," she grinned at him. 

He finally met her eyes and grinned weakly back. Sydney saw the hurt in his eyes and wondered if maybe his feelings for her really were as deep as he had shown signals of it being. Would it hurt him more if she told him she felt nothing? Oh well. It was done.

_She doesn't have feeling for me. Of course she doesn't have feelings for me. Why would a smart, beautiful, talented, amazing, wonderful, funny woman have feelings for me? I mean, sure I'm decent and my intelligence is higher than the norm but. . . look at her.  
  
 I don't know what God was thinking about when he made her but... Good Lord, how many people like her can there be? Don't be so hard on yourself. I know, I'm trying not to be. I know that I'm slightly attractive. I guess I just thought she might have felt the same way when she said I smelled like...  what was it? Spring. And Home. Those words are so vague but they sound so...  so personal_.

Her pager went off. 

She looked at Vaughn, her eyes questioning. What kind of imbecile paged someone at 2:30 in the morning? Well, she supposed she shouldn't be asking herself that. She did have a job with irregular hours. She checked. It was an unfamiliar number. "Vaughn, can I use your phone?"

"Sure," He watched again as she walked away. *Why does she always seem to be walking away from me?*

Sydney dialed the number and a male voice answered. "Is this Joanna Fineski?"

Sydney was about to say that it was a wrong number but then remembered her alias. God, she was sluggish in the morning. "Yes, who is calling?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Ralph and I work for Lufthansa Airlines. I'm sorry to wake you at such an early hour but you are on our. . .  well I'm not sure what it is but it is a list of people who need to know of any changes to their flight. Your Plane, Flight 657 to Germany has been canceled."

Sydney's heartbeat accelerated. Why was this happening? It was almost like Fate. Except she didn't believe in Fate anymore. She had stopped believing when her mother died. And then again at Danny's death. And Noah's. And Will's-almost fatal encounter. She was just a walking disaster; a ticking bomb just waiting to go off. "Oh. May I inquire what is wrong with the plane?"

The man sounded embarrassed and reluctant to answer. "Well, ma'am. I'm obliged to not answer that."

"Why not?"

"Well, I'm afraid that if I do, you may lose interest in our airline and that would be a huge disappointment to my boss and may result in the loss of my job. Just to be frank."

"You are incredibly honest. More honest than you should be anyway. Though I do feel that I should tell you that your unwillingness to answer my questions is making me think of a lot of scenarios and I believe that they are all worse than what actually occurred."

The man chuckled before sobering again. "Well, actually, it just. . . seems to have disappeared. It is completely off the radar and we have no idea as to where it is. It's kinda creepy. . . like an episode of the twilight zone or something."

"Oh." Sydney practically breathed the last word.

"Would you like to be informed of any future available routes?"

"Yes please. Thank you." She put down the phone and walked outside.

"Who was that?" Vaughn asked her.

"The airlines. I'm not going to be going to Germany after all." She raised her eyebrows at him. "The plane seems to have disappeared."

"What?" Vaughn's eyes looked up at her. 

The taxi pulled up. She opened the door and turned back to him. "Well, Vaughn, I'm gonna go okay? Um. . .  you wait until morning and then call Devlin-" She looked at the taxi driver and nearly smacked herself for talking. 

"Excuse me," she said before shutting the door. "Forget it, I'll call Devlin. I don't know if that plane has to do with anything but he should be told. Umm. Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

She reopened the door but Vaughn touched her arm. "Wait, Sydney. You no longer have a flight to catch. Where are you going?"

"Well, I have to go home sometime don't I?"

"Yeah but it's already almost 3. The area around the warehouse isn't exactly the safest place to be at night and I personally would feel a lot better if I knew you were safe. It's only three more hours before dawn. Leave then." He saw her about to protest.   
  
"Sydney, before you protest, let me remind you of an argument you used about 3 hours ago. You said that we should both go to my house so that I wouldn't have to drive there, back, and home again. Now what are you doing? This is just a huge inconvenience to you. What are you going to tell Francie if you skulk into your apartment at 3 in the morning? And what good are you to the CIA if you don't get enough sleep. Just. . .  Just stay."

Sydney looked at him, she tried to speak but there were no words. She just nodded and turned to the driver. "I'm sorry, but I won't be needing your services after all. Here's something for your time," she said as the window rolled down. The driver glared but accepted the 10 and drove off. 

"Well, I do have your jacket and if leave later, I could just leave it in your house. I have to tell you that I'm horrible at returning things. I'm just the worst. It would probably be the last time you saw this jacket."

This time Vaughn stayed silent. As if by mutual consent, they turned and walked back up the path together. Being a perfect gentlemen, he let her go in first.  
  
TBC~


	6. Shadow

Chapter 6- Shadow

Sydney held her breath as she walked through the door. She wasn't sure why but she supposed that it was just the idea of spending the night at Vaughn's house. SHE was spending the NIGHT with Vaughn. Well maybe not WITH him with him but WITH him. . .Lord, how did it happen? Why was she here? 

If anything happened, nothing would ever be the same. Their relationship would be forever altered. Would she be willing to risk that for a night of. . . whatever the night would hold? She looked at him, saw the expression of wonderment in his eyes and smiled.

"Hi," she said, as if they hadn't been together for the past four hours.

"Hi," he grinned at her. 

His gaze ripped through her, broke apart her composure. He was an extremely good-looking man and when he smiled like that and lost all the worry that usually marred his face. . . he was just exquisite. She shivered from the feeling of it all.

"Are you cold?" Vaughn was concerned about her. VAUGHN was concerned about HER. Cold? She felt like she was burning up.

Something looked different about her. She was flushed, almost red. She certainly didn't look very cold. He couldn't help it. He raised his hand slowly and touched her cheek just as she nodded yes. "Are you sure you're cold Sydney? You're burning up." He was suddenly alert. Wasn't it a bad sign for someone to be burning up while complaining of the cold?"Here, why don't you lie down. . . er, you can take my room. I'll set up the couch."

Sydney smiled at him. He was so considerate, how could a man as wonderful as this manage to slip through the fingers of all the single women waiting for him? She followed him into his bedroom. If his car had smelled like him, then the room overwhelmed her. His distinct scent filled her senses. She felt. . . funny. A way she hadn't ever really felt before. It was as it a horde of emotions flew at her and pounded her. IT was sudden, an emotional blitzkrieg and it wasn't the most pleasant feeling she had ever felt. She was pretty sure it wasn't love because she had loved before. *It kinda feels like love but is the room actually supposed to be spinning? I thought that was just an expression or a lovey-dovey phrase. I'm so dizzy, it feels weird. Like I'm going to be sick but. . . I don't know." 

That's when her knees buckled. The last thing she was aware of before she blacked out was his arms catching her. "You always look out for me Vaughn," she murmured.

Vaughn was in a panic. Sydney was in his arms but it wasn't exactly the romantic setting he had always thought it would be. Was she actually sick? He gently set her on the bed. *Oh my God, what's happening? Was it because it's so cold outside?* He lay a hand on her head, not caring about the romantic aspect of it anymore. She was flushed. He hated himself for not noticing. Another liability for loving her. He had even entertained the thought that she had been flushed because of his affect on her or something stupid like that. God, if he had been objective, he would have noticed something was actually wrong with her instead of trying to convince himself that she loved him too.

He didn't know what else to do and decided to just let her sleep. He was pretty sure that whatever was happening wasn't too serious. Obviously she hadn't been outside too long. Maybe she had been affected? Slightly? A smidgeon. He was too tired to care. He walked out of the room, unfolded the couch and rearranged the pillows and sheets. After thinking about it awhile, he left the door open just in case she might need him.

God he was tired. He looked at the clock. It was barely past 3 now. He would have about 5 hours of sleep time. He supposed it was a sign of his getting older that he was so tired already. He remembered how, when he had first met Sydney, he had trouble falling asleep. The mere thought of her exhilarated him in a way he had never felt before. He wanted to be that person for her. He closed his eyes and right before blackness engulfed him, Sydney's smiling face popped up. For the past three months, she had been the last thing on his mind when she fell asleep and he supposed that his mind was planning on keeping up with the tradition despite the fact that she was asleep in the next room.

Mom? Are you there? Mom?? Wait, stay where you are. I can almost see you. Mom, you promised to come to my Thanksgiving play! Mom, why are you running away from me? 

_Mommy, it's so dark. Please come back and hold my hand. Ow, it hurts. It hurts everywhere. Come and take away the pain._

_"Sydney, you're mother's not coming back."_

_"Why? Dad. . . is it something I did?"_

_"No. Sydney, she died. In a car accident."_

_"What? Why did she die? Why did she leave us?"_

_"I don't know Sydney. It was just her time. Stop crying."_

_Mommy, you never told me to stop crying, you always said it was better to let it out while you could. Come back. Take me with you. Daddy's gone all the time. I'm so lonely. No one is here to play with me anymore._

_Mom. . . MOM! Something's coming. It's big and scary and its trying to get me. Mom, I'm crying now, it's so scary. I can't stay here by myself. It's coming after me. Oh mommy, I'm running so fast but it keep coming. I'm yelling at it to go away but it won't understand me. I'm yelling at it in English, in Russian, in French, and Latin but it won't listen. _

_Mom, you have to come back and teach me how to get rid of it. Help me. It's right behind me. MOMMY! Where are you!_

"AHH!" Sydney threw herself out of bed. Her eyes were swimming and her cheeks were itchy from her tears. She knew that dream. It was familiar, the one she had had for months after her mother's supposed death. *Okay, okay. Its okay Sydney. You're a big girl. You can go back to sleep. Your mother's not dead. C'mon.* But despite her reason, her body still shook, she could feel the thing wiping his black, slimy fingers all over her, smothering her in darkness while her mother ran away. 

Her lungs felt like they were about to explode and she realized that she hadn't stopped screaming. She couldn't stop screaming. Her eyes were wide open but she couldn't see anything, her mouth was open and sound came from it but she couldn't hear what she was saying. Her head shook, trying to say no, trying to push the dark thing from her thoughts, trying to keep the darkness from smothering her but nothing worked. It was still there, at the foot of the bed, inching its way to her feet. 

She saw it but didn't couldn't stop it. She knew it wasn't there but she couldn't help screaming again, louder. Her own ears rumbled with the sound she couldn't hear, her body ached with shaking it couldn't feel. Never had she felt so helpless in her entire life. She shut up eyes, clamping them closed with all the power in her body, trying to revert to her childhood days where the 'if I can't see you then you can't see me' theory had always worked. She felt someone shaking her, felt someone put their arms around her and say soothing things into her ear.But she couldn't see who it was and she doesn't distinctly hear what they were saying. She was falling. Her screaming stopped, her hair was limp from sweat and all the energy in her body swept out of her and into the air around her, leaving her with little more than a heart beat.

Vaughn's eyes had flown open at the first scream. It had taken him two more moments to remember the events of the past hours, two more to find out where the noise was coming from and only a half a second for him to come running through the door. What had taken him so long was the sight he was to see. Sydney sat upright in his bed, teeth chattering, eyes wide-open, head shaking back and forth. Her face was shiny from sweat and tears, her eyes puffy, and a never-ending moan issued from her lips.

He had never felt terror like this in his life. He watched as the women he loved- yes he could admit it now- shoved herself against the headboard and kicked at an imaginary things, muttering words in English, Russian, French, Latin, and a multitude of other languages that he could only identify before she went on to the next one. Finally, he realized what he was doing and rushed to her side. 

Sydney, his Sydney, was drenched. He held her against him and whispered in her ear, "Sh, it's okay Sydney. It's just a dream, it's fine. I'm here. I won't let anything hurt you, it's just me. Vaugh, remember? I'm not going to hurt you. Everything's going to be fine." She clamped her eyes shut shook her head more furiously. Vaughn began rocking her until she relaxed, and then fell limp against him. 

A few hours in the life of Sydney Bristow brought more excitement than he had ever had in his life. Perhaps that was a little exaggeration but, at the moment, he felt that it was true. He continued rocking her until her eyes relaxed. He set her on the bed once more, feeling like a parent comforting his child. He paused, and then kissed her forehead. He turned to leave but he felt something grab his hand. He turned back towards her.

She was still asleep but moving her lips. "Please don't leave me. No, don't run away. Please, its coming after me and it won't go away."

He sighed and crept under the covers, instinctively taking her into his arms. She finally seemed to quiet down, covered in his warm embrace. Her head fit into the curve of his neck perfectly. Vaughn would have been exulting if he had not already been asleep.


	7. Waking up next to you

**Waking Up Next to the One you Love**  
  
_You guys are so exceptionally amazing with reviews. . . YES! Back to double digits again. . . the 1s and 2s were making me sad. Don't worry. . . this story isn't even close to finished. Even though I'm pretty sure I'm getting close to a writer's block. Feel free to e-mail or review. -Jenn  
_   
  
Sydney opened her eyes but everything was hazy and it took a minute for her to recognize her surroundings. As she slowly regained feeling, she realized something was on top of her. She looked down at the thing encircling her waist. It was an arm.  
  
Her eyes traveled up the length of it starting with the fingers, clean filed nails leading smoothly to a strong wrist that connected to a well-toned arm with fine blond hairs lying smoothly upon it. It was a man's arm. Quickly she broke her glance to look down.   
  
She was clothed.  
  
Relieved, she slowly turned around to look him in the face. It was Vaughn. Her handler, her secret crush was in the bed with her. He was sleeping, a peaceful smile on his face. She grinned.  
  
And then she remembered. The force of the memory left her winded, she suddenly remembered everything that had happened last night.   
  
She had. . . had that dream again. The one that always seemed to be able to take control of her and render her utterly useless and out of control. And then, Vaughn had come, like a true angel, and swept her up and comforted her in a way no one ever had been able to do. Never had she been able to go back to sleep before. She had always been scared of... whatever had been chasing her. Even now, in broad daylight, she couldn't just picture it as a silly childhood enemy; the mere thought of it still chilled her bones.  
  
Vaughn. She had hurt him, she knew, when she told him that she had meant nothing by her words. And she knew that he didn't fully believe her but now was filled with doubt. She still felt weak physically but mentally, she was doing cartwheels. She could almost see a little Sydney jumping around doing acrobatic flips and pushups, showing off the energy she had from the mere idea of Vaughn. But that Sydney morphed and turned into the little girl in the picture. 

  
The girl who had had a mother and a happy life. She could feel the tears start up again and wanted to hit herself. Why was she so damn emotional? It didn't make sense. She had made her peace with this a long time ago. And that's when she realized that she wasn't just crying for the loss of the little girl's life. She was crying FOR her. She didn't envy the girl; Sydney only felt sorry that the girl had never been able to experience of meeting that perfect someone.   
  
Sure, she was her and all but just like her mother was dead, that girl was too. In her mind, they were just two graves lying side by side. She wanted to get up and dry her face before Vaughn woke up and worried again but she couldn't find the strength to move. She leaned on her elbows and looked at him.  
  
He was peaceful, an expression she had never seen before lightened his face and she smiled through her tears. A teardrop fell from her face and she saw the drop flying, shining in the sunlight, until it hit Vaughn's face. And that's when he woke up.  
  
_Short chapter but I think it's pretty sweet and I wanted it to be peaceful before. . . before things start happening. Hint hint.  
  
So~ I just wanted to thank you guys again for putting me on your favorite author/favorite story lists. It's a great feeling. As always, review~  
  
Oh, and I'm making this flashback start from 3 months ago because I don't think it would be realistic for them to get together right away. This is just the first step. Enjoy.___


	8. Confessions

**Confessions**  
  
"Sydney?" His voice sounded groggy and his eyes were crusty and closed. It would have been pretty gross if it had been anyone else. But this was Michael. That made it endearing. "Are you okay?"  
  
She smiled. "Stop worrying about me so much, Vaughn. I'm a big girl."  
  
He rubbed his eyes and opened them, only to close them again when he realized just how bright the sunlight was. He cleared his throat.   
  
"It's my job to worry about you, Syd." _And I would do it even if I weren't. I know you're not ready to admit it yet but I know you need me. You need me as much as I need you. Under that strong girl façade, you're still fragile. You showed me that last night and I understand. _Damn. That sounded so good in his head. But he knew that if he said that out loud, he would look like an asinine fool.  
  
He took a breath. He could make a fool of himself. God knew that she wouldn't rub it in too much, especially because she had bared her own soul to him.   
  
"Sydney, I know you're a big girl and that you are well trained in the taking care of other people and yourself area. But what about you mentally? You are one of the most controlled people I know. But everyone has to break down at least a little sometime in his or her life.  
  
"And when that happens, someone has to be there to break their fall and boost them back up." His voice was no longer gravelly. He was fully awake, hair tousled, shirt rumpled and all.   
  
He looked deeply into her eyes and cupped her elbow with one hand and her chin with the other. He knew she would look away and he was not letting her have an out this time. After he said everything he planned to say, she could leave. She could stay mad at him forever. He was willing to pay the consequences but he couldn't hide his feelings anymore.  
  
"Syd." He choked up. But he went valiantly on. "Syd, I want to be that person for you. I know that you said that you don't reciprocate my feelings but last night... I don't know. I don't think you were telling me the truth. And I realize that your intentions were good but I just can't stand the idea of you ever lying to me.   
  
"You are the one person who is honest despite her environment. Sydney, you amaze me. Everyday, you thrust yourself into danger and all sorts of sin yet you manage to some back exactly the same hero you were before. And before yesterday, I thought you were indestructible. And I think that's why I let you run away from what you told me.  
  
"I know you said that you said all those things in the passing moment, that everything you said was literal. That you knew what I smelled like because you spent so much time with me. But before then, you said that you felt the same way about me as I did about you."   
  
Vaughn felt urgency take control of his voice. He kept looking into Sydney's eyes. They didn't react at all but she didn't move her face from his hand so he continued.   
  
"And you said I smelled like Home. And Spring. Those are so... vague. And personal. I let you walk away from me twice last night Syd. That was because I thought that was what you wanted and God knows I'm not the kind of man who makes a woman do what she doesn't want to do. But last night, you _needed_ me.  
  
"You needed me for the pin, you needed me for the picture, and you needed me to guard you from whatever chased you last night. And I guess any other guy might feel used. But I feel more complete than I have ever felt in my life. Let me be the guy, Syd. Please. Somehow.   
  
"I know it's going to be hard, I know it's frowned on, I know I'm breaching protocol. But I feel like... I'm in a one sided relationship. Because of that stupid slip up last night, you know how I feel about you. And even if you hadn't figured it out, you know now. I think that I might've been able to let you go and convince myself that this never happened. But then, 5 minutes ago, you were in my arms. You WOKE UP in MY arms. And I woke up seeing your smiling face above mine and I know that life is never going to be the same.  
  
"For months now, you have been the last thing I remember when I got to sleep. You haunt my dreams, tease my emotions, and are my best friend. When you come to me for comfort or even when you just smile at me. . . Sydney, I am hopelessly in love with you."  
  
  



	9. Torture

Wow you guys. . . just so you fully understand the power of your reviews, I'm going to tell you that I was going to be evil and not update until Wednesday because of school work. But 20-some reviews for one chapter in one day isn't something I can just turn my head away from. Thank you so much, I'm so glad you guys liked the chapter. Sorry it's been a while. Even though it hasn't been that long, it just seems that way because before this chapter I had updated every day (go me~) and this was a pretty evil cliff hanger huh? Well, here it is. The moment you've been waiting for. Ciao~ Jenn  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 9: Torture  
  
Sydney was silent for what seemed to be an eternity.  
  
Vaughn knew he had dumped a lot on her but didn't back away. He had done that way too much already. There had to be a time and place for him to stand his ground and fight for what he wanted. And what could someone want more than love?  
  
He kept looking at her, never breaking her gaze. *I love you Sydney. I love you. Please love me back. God, if you can just do this one thing for me, I will be indebted to you forever. Please do this for me. Please love me.*  
  
Sydney was shocked. She had been relatively positive of his feelings toward her for a while now but had never known for sure. And now he had laid it out for her, put all the cards on the table with the most beautiful speech she had ever heard.  
  
She hated him.  
  
He was too perfect. He wanted too little. She. . . cared. . . for him too much. She was furious, how could he put her in a position like that? She knew she owed him something for his kindness. All those times that she had cried on his shoulder, the times when she had told him the feelings of her heart. But in the last 3 minutes of her life he had manipulated everything she had ever done with him and it felt like he was trying to guilt her into loving him.  
  
But she was still a woman and the speech had had an effect on her. She knew in her heart that he wasn't purposefully manipulating her, hunting her when she was down. She knew that his words were spoken out of truth, knew that it had taken him a lot of courage to throw the rulebook out the window. And, most of all, she was aware of how much he had done for her and how much she owed him. But she still wanted to walk out the door.  
  
But she couldn't. Her pro and con lists were fighting with each other. *All he's doing is asking for some of the love he has bestowed upon me. But I never promised him that. I never said that I would love him if he looked out for me. But you do have feelings for him. Yeah, that's right. Feelings that I have no right having. But you have them. And he has them too. He was made for me. And haven't I been manipulating him indirectly too? I mean, all those times he raced to the pier the instant I called no matter what time it was, wasn't he doing that because he was in love. . . with me? A part of me had to know that.* She looked at him wearily.  
  
"Vaughn," She looked at him, felt his hands under her face and under her elbow. She had slept in his arms. She had told him everything important that had happened to her. He knew who she really was. She didn't have to lie to him, didn't have to pretend or rush out of dinner to meet with. . . well, him. Life wouldn't be so complicated. Even though it would.  
  
On paper everything looked perfect. They had feelings for one another, they worked together, had the same beliefs, loved their country, and all sorts of tidbits she didn't know about yet. But at work. . . that was a different story. They wouldn't be the couple that would change all the rules. How could they keep their lives apart from work when work was the main thing bringing them together? How could they disguise their feelings once they were admitted? People were already suspecting their relationship when there had been nothing, well nearly nothing, to hide. She sighed. In the end, he knew who she was and could fulfill her life. And that was the most important thing.  
  
Wasn't it?  
  
"I. need something to drink."  
  
Vaughn let go of her. "Water?"  
  
"I was thinking more along the lines of wine." She almost smiled at his shocked expression but was still too shocked herself to be in control of any facial movements.  
  
"Sydney, it's 8 o' clock in the morning. You want to start drinking now?" His eyes were so wide. She wanted to kiss his eyelids. Or just beat him. She was still in conflict. Then her eyes also flew open.  
  
"It's 8 o' clock? Vaughn, we have to go to work!"  
  
"Don't worry about it. I have 6 years worth of saved sick days and you're supposed to be gone anyway. I know I've dropped a bombshell on you. . . I'll get the wine." He was dying inside, wanted to know what she thought so badly. But he couldn't bring himself to pressure her to speak. Love couldn't be forced. He knew that from Alice. He got up, and Sydney realized what he was wearing. His hair was deliciously tousled; he was wearing a rumpled KINGS shirt, and boxers. She realized she had never seen Vaughn's legs before. They weren't so bad so for someone who sat a desk all day.  
  
He walked out of the room. Sydney got up, feeling absolutely disgusting. Her clothes felt clingy and sticky from the dried combination of sweat and tears. Her hair needed washing. And the pounds of guilt heaped up on her didn't help the cleanliness issue either. She decided to take the liberty of taking some of his clothes and using his shower. She knew it was a girlfriend thing to do but she didn't care. She grabbed a blue striped polo and sweats from his closet and lumbered off to find a bathroom.  
  
Vaughn came in, two glasses in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. God knew that he wasn't just going to sit there and watch her intoxicate herself. If she was, he was going to too.  
  
She was gone. *I should've known that she would never drink this early in the morning. God, she's so tricky. She just left. Without saying goodbye. Without even addressing my confession of love.* He shook his head, deciding whether or not he should keep his sick day after all. Getting drunk alone suddenly sounded more appealing.  
  
Then he heard the shower running. Sydney Bristow was in his shower? She hadn't planned on spending the night. . . what was she going to wear when she got out? The mere thought nearly drove him mad and he set the glasses down before he broke them.  
  
And waited.  
  
He walked over to his closet and opened the doors. He almost pulled out a suit but then realized what he was doing and took out a regular shirt and sweats instead. He turned on the TV and set on the bed. He knew that if anyone had been looking at him at that moment, they would've thought that he was absolutely fascinated with the birth of the certum toad (which NO ONE should be interested in. . . really. . . it's super gross). He seemed composed, completely in control of himself. But he was in turmoil. *I don't understand what's happening. I told her I loved her and she didn't respond. But she didn't leave either. So does that mean she does love me? Or does that mean that she's not sure yet? If it's the latter, then that means that I love her more than she loves me. Which would probably be the case anyway. I can't imagine anyone loving anyone as much as I love Sydney Bristow.*  
  
The shower turned off. He heard it so clearly and he felt like he was going to explode. Sydney Bristow was coming out of his shower and most probably wearing his clothes. There were only two words for this kind of situation. Pure Torture. 


	10. Washing it all Away

Hey, it's your lucky day. I hit a writing streak and made up for the day(s) I didn't update. Enjoy (and review)! -Jenn  
  
Chapter 10: Washing it all away.  
  
Sydney closed her eyes as the almost cold water ran over her face, through her hair, and down the length of her body. She had always loved showers. There had always been something soothing about the feeling of water running all over her. It felt so. . . cleansing. And it gave her time to think.  
  
What did she think? She wasn't even sure herself. She had feelings for Vaughn. . . she thought he was sweet and smart and brave. He was definitely a good looking man who looked out for her, who knew everything about her, he was funny and caring. What exactly was wrong with him?  
  
Nothing. It was her. It was all her. She was wrong for him. He didn't deserve someone carrying around the kind of baggage she did. He deserved someone like Alice. Normal, pretty. . . no secret missions or attempts to save the word one artifact at a time. Vaughn's own job was stressing enough.  
  
She sighed. It had been an absolutely beautiful speech. She had seen everything in his eyes. How much he meant every single word coming from his mouth. And how much he wanted her to tell him that she felt the same way. But that was the thing. This wasn't a movie where everything turned out fine in the end. This was her life. And she knew that she didn't feel the same tingle she had felt with Danny. Okay, well she felt it sometimes but a person could feel that way about anyone for a certain amount of time. It was called lust.  
  
And if he had asked her, she would have to agree. She was in lust with him. She admired the way he carried himself, the way he managed to be serious and compassionate at the same time, and she knew she felt the little thrill that went up her body when they accidentally brushed against each other.  
  
But it wasn't love was it? She knew it wasn't nothing. Nothing was what she felt when Will had kissed her. It had been the most awkward thing in her life to have one of her closest friends just come up and mash his lips against her own. At the time she hadn't known what she felt about it. But she did now. It was WILL. How could she ever see him as anything more than a friend?  
  
The water turned colder and she turned it off and toweled herself dry. She supposed she had believed that she would magically know what to do when she got out of the shower. She supposed that she would walk out there with a big smile on her face, realize how much she did love him and run into his embrace. Or that she would merely walk out, smile a sad smile, maybe shake her head and walk away. But she could do neither.  
  
She put on his shirt and smelled his scent all over it. It made sense. It was, after all, his shirt. But it affected her in a way she hadn't expected. She took a deep breath and, after pulling on his sweats, walked out of the bathroom.  
  
He was sitting on his bed, eyes intently set on the TV. It was some documentary about the birth of some kind of frog. He looked as if he was interested. But she knew he wasn't. She herself had been in the same type of situation multiple times. She knew that he was thinking about her, and whether he had been a hero for revealing his secret or a supreme jackass. He looked up as she came into his room.  
  
And that's the first time she saw it. His eyes actually lit up when she walked into the room. In all her life, she had never been able to understand what that phrase meant. But now she saw. Though the rest of his face remained the same, his eyes took on a quality she had never seen before. A certain softness. Like he wanted to take care of her forever.  
  
Sydney tucked her hair behind her ear, suddenly nervous of his inspection.  
  
She was stunning. Her skin was flushed, clean and pink from the shower, her hair dangled on his shirt. . . HIS shirt and his sweats rode threateningly low on her slim hips. He realized he was staring but couldn't stop looking at her. She intrigued him in a way he never thought possible. How is it possible to see someone nearly everyday and still get winded every time you do? He knew for a fact that he was having trouble breathing.  
  
He wanted to say something but there were no words. *Probably a good thing too, I think I've done enough talking for one day.*  
  
Sydney sat down beside him on the bed and stared at the screen. Their expressions were identical, each looked completely engrossed with the program yet each wanted to talk. Or stay silent and preserve their friendship.  
  
If it could be salvaged.  
  
It was a good five minutes of silence before Sydney spoke. "So. . . certum toads huh?"  
  
He smiled despite himself, "I guess so."  
  
She looked at him, looked down at her hands and reached down into herself to pull out the strength she needed to talk. She closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she was ready to tell him what she felt.  
  
She took the remote from his hand and turned the TV off. He turned to face her, emotions flying through his face. The most common one was nervousness. She took a deep breath.  
  
"Vaughn. You are one of my closest friends, a dear confidante, an amazing handler, a compassionate soul, and a damn good looking man." Vaughn almost smiled but felt a sinking feeling in his heart. Weren't compliments used by women in order to relax their boyfriends enough to break up with them? He tensed. "I'm not going to lie to you. What I said last night was true. Well, it was a mixture of both the things I said. There are times when I feel like you are the only person who truly understands me. There are times when I feel like I can stay in one of your hugs forever. And I cannot express my gratitude and amazement at your behavior towards me last night. I know I was out of control. I never even should have come to your house but you remained ever the gracious host. You comforted me when I broke down, you looked out for me even when you didn't have to, you cared enough to comfort me again when I had that dream, and you were wonderful when you stayed with me.  
  
I know that what I feel about you is far from nothing. Because I do have some feelings for you. I'm just not sure if it's love."  
  
Vaughn didn't know what to think. Sydney didn't love him. But she had feelings for him. Should he be happy or sad? Or confused? He needed some answers. "Sydney, I'm not going to force you to tell me that you love me because then it wouldn't be true. But I have to know something. You say that you have feelings for me. Are these the type of feelings that you want to keep inside you forever or the type of feelings that you want to explore and maybe keep until SD-6 is gone and you can. . . express them any way you want?" He bit his lip. That was a little blunt wasn't it? Well, that was okay. He needed a straight forward answer and the only way to get it was a straight forward question.  
  
She smiled at him. "I'm sorry Vaughn. I'm not sure. But I think I'm leaning towards the latter. My mo- my mother always taught me to heed my feelings. She told me that instinct was the fundamental tool for survival."  
  
Vaughn looked a little happier. Or maybe just relieved. But he still wasn't sure he wouldn't have been happier if he had just kept the hope that Sydney loved him. Or could he. . . court her? Was she giving him that window? "Sydney, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure, Vaughn."  
  
"What did you dream about last night?"  
  
Sydney grew pale under her skin. "Why do you want to know?"  
  
"I just wanted to know what frightened you so badly. I have never seen anyone act like that before and to tell you the truth, it scared me really bad. I didn't know what to do, how to comfort you. And I suppose I want to know what it was all about."  
  
She looked down at the floor. "You did it right Vaughn. If you really want to know, you are the first person who has succeeded in calming me down and getting me to go back to sleep after one of those dreams. I had them almost every night for about a year after- after my mom died. It's probably not going to mean the same thing to you. It might sound silly-"  
  
She stopped talking as she felt his hand on her arm. "Sydney, I would never laugh at you or think less of you because you are affected by your fears. I had dreams too. After my father died."  
  
She looked at him. How was he able to read her so well? This man was amazing. She suddenly felt comfortable with him. "Well, in the beginning, I'm looking for my mother. And I'm calling out to her because she's running away from me.  
  
And then it gets so dark and. . . and I can't see anything and I'm trying to find her but she's too far away-" A tear trickled down her cheek.  
  
She gulped and continued. "And then I hear my father's voice. And he's telling me that she's dead. And I just can't believe it because I was just chasing her. And then - then I'm so scared because I think she died because I was trying to find her. And I ask him why she died and if she died because of me. And he tells me that it was her time and he didn't know why she had to die. And I feel so alone." She wiped her face with a hand. Vaughn regretted asking her. Why was he the cause of all her breakdowns?  
  
"And then the mood switches. And something is running after me and it's my turn to be chased and I'm scared out of my mind and calling out to my mother. But she's dead. And it keeps coming closer and closer. I don't even know what it is. But it's dark and big and it tries to smother me in the darkness so that no one can see me anymore. I keep thinking that if I scream loud enough, my mother will come back. So I yell to her and I ask her to help me and I yell at the thing in every language I know but it won't stop chasing me and I feel it right behind me. And my mother never answers." She looks at him looking at her.  
  
"Pretty silly huh? So basically I'm scared of the dark." She tried to laugh but only succeeded in pushing out more tears.  
  
"No, no Sydney. It's not silly. It's not silly at all," He wiped away one of her tears with his thumb. "I know that if I had had that dream, I would never have been able to grow up as strong as you have."  
  
She looked at him, smiling through her tears. She was tense, as if she had been living the dream while talking about it. "What was your dream?"  
  
Vaughn's breath caught in his throat. He hadn't realized she was going to ask him about his. He could feel his own emotions brimming. Why was everything so emotional? He hadn't felt this much emotion since his father died. . . not all at once anyway. "I-. . . he-," he didn't know how to start. Sydney saw how husky his voice had become.  
  
"It's okay if you don't want to tell me."  
  
"No. No, I want to tell you. I want you to know." His face took on a look of determination. "Unlike you, I. . . actually was responsible for my father's death. No- don't interrupt me. I know I didn't kill him. I just feel like I did.  
  
I was on a hockey team at the time. And I was so excited. Hockey was my life. My father was always away on business and had never seen me play. It didn't really bother me until he started promising he would. But every time, he had somewhere else to be, someone to see, something important to do. So finally, there was only one game left. It was like a pee-wee championship. And all throughout the game, I played so hard and scored so many goals. And they were all for him. And he missed it. My mom and I went home and he was already there, watching TV. I think that's when I snapped.  
  
I asked him why he was at home when he promised to see my hockey game. He told me that by the time he was free to go, it would have been over so he had come home instead. And I-" Vaughn's voice broke. "I told him he was the worst father. I told him that he was never there for me, had never been there for me. I told him that the only thing he cared about was work and that I was probably a mistake. I told him-. . . I told him that if he didn't want me, I didn't want him.  
  
And the look on his face. I didn't see it then but I remember it so clearly now. It was as if something had smashed into his face. He couldn't even respond. And my mother just stood there, tears in her eyes but unwilling and unsure of what to say. She knew it was between us. I told him I hated his guts and went to my room. When he came up to talk to me, I locked the door and told him to go away. I asked him why he wanted to - to- to talk to someone who didn't exist for him." Vaughn's voice was cracking now. Sydney put a reassuring hand on his knee.  
  
"Oh Vaughn, your father knew you loved him."  
  
He turned to look at her. "But I never got to tell him. Later that night he was called off to a mission where he was killed." His voice became clipped and Sydney gasped in realization.  
  
She had known about her mother's actions but had always only thought of it as a hurdle for her and Vaughn to jump over. She hadn't even thought about how much Vaughn must've loved her to be able to forgive her for her mother's sins. She knew that he had said that she was not her mother and nothing was her fault but. . . she felt like it should be. And somehow, Vaughn still managed to forgive her and- And love her. She had never known his story before. She couldn't even imagine the effect her crying over the "death" of her mother last night had on Vaughn. Her mother had murdered him. Her mother had murdered them both.  
  
  
  
P.S. You guys aren't going to mind if this turns into a long fic are you? Because I have a feeling that it's not going to be a run-of-the-mill 13-15 chapter story. I already have ideas about what's going to happen to them and the obstacles that come there way (They are really good If I do say so myself ;) ) but Syd and Vaughn aren't even together yet and I've hit the double digits. So. . . I hope you guys have the endurance to stay with this fic for a long time. 


	11. Loving you

Alright. I can deal with negative reviews. Sorry if the story has turned in a way that totally turns you off but I really believe that the emotions of the characters are real and wanted the romance to hold off until Sydney was absolutely sure. Yes, I do know that Sydney loves him. I just don't know if she knows. So, this IS a romance and they WILL get together. . . How can they not? All ten chapters have been flashbacks so. . . yeah. Hang in there, the tides will turn. -Jenn  
  
Hint hint. . . the tides will turn REALLY SOON. . .  
  
Oh, and don't stop reviewing. . . even if it's negative. (Or as I prefer: "constructive criticism ;) ).  
  
  
  
Chapter 11: Loving you  
  
Or had she? The dream was Vaughn's past and he had obviously moved on and still found in his heart to love her. She looked at him, his head pointed towards the ground as he tried to hold back the tears.  
  
On impulse, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. She knew he was surprised but she was too. Not because of what she had done but at how right it felt. To hold him in her arms. To have him hold her back. She closed her eyes, relishing the closeness of it all. The familiar tingling of her back spread throughout her body as she held him to her.  
  
He pulled back, looking into her eyes. Maybe there was a chance after all.  
  
Sydney smiled at him. "Wine?"  
  
He turned and passed her her glass. She raised it and gently clinked it against his own. "To. . . what should we toast to?"  
  
"To us." His voice was soft and gravelly and she was suddenly glad she was sitting down.  
  
"To us." She still wasn't sure what that meant. "May we get through all of this and come out stronger for it."  
  
"Hear hear." Vaughn reached over her to grab the wine bottle. Their glasses had been empty.  
  
Sydney saw him reach over her, his head right under hers. Maybe she hadn't been in love before but more had happened between them in the past 24 hours than in the past two years. Maybe it was time to move on. And maybe Vaughn was the guy for her. He popped the cork and tipped it so that the liquid flowed from the neck of the bottle.  
  
He never saw it coming. One minute his eyes were on the bottle, then on the wine filling Sydney's glass. And then he saw Sydney's own face, in front of his. And felt her lips on top of his own. He wanted to drop everything that he had in his hands but didn't, knowing that if he did, he would regret it later. Instead, he put down his empty glass and set the bottle on the floor, his lips never leaving hers. Why was she doing this? At first he thought that maybe if was because she was drunk. But she hadn't even had a sip of her wine.  
  
So he decided not to think at all. Sydney Bristow was kissing him. He tentatively placed a hand at the small of her back, then holding her possessively against him. The other hand he placed at her neck, feeling its warmth against his hand. He felt her own hands traveling up his back and burying themselves into his hair. Heat filled him and he wanted to sigh but decided against it, wanting to keep kissing her. He heard a noise and was confused, until he realized that it was Sydney. It sounded like "Mmmm" and that's exactly what he felt too.  
  
He ran out of oxygen and, cursing mentally, he raised his head from hers. She blushed furiously but her eyes sparkled with a life that he never recalled seeing before. This was the first time he had ever seen her unprofessional. Even when she cried on his shoulder she had managed to keep some of her composure. But this was raw Sydney. And he loved it.  
  
The look on his face mirrored hers. WOW. He still wasn't sure why she had done it. Vaughn opened his mouth, ready to ask but felt her fingers intertwine with his. He looked down at them, her small, delicate fingers around his own thicker ones. He wanted to take a picture of it; it made such a beautiful scene.  
  
He looked back up at her and she smiled, her face flaming. She kissed him again, fingering his hair. He nearly went crazy as he felt her hand slide under his shirt and, much as he wanted it to go on, he stopped her. Pulling his face away, he laid his forehead on hers. "Sydney. We can't do this."  
  
Sydney looked into his eyes, half an inch away from hers. "Why not?"  
  
"Because I've never slept with a woman who didn't love me. And I don't plan on starting now."  
  
She pulled her face away, recollecting her thoughts. And suddenly, everything fit together.  
  
It was a little smile but one so full of sudden comprehension and happiness that Vaughn felt his heart fill with hope.  
  
"Vaughn. I think that fifteen minutes ago, I was still too naïve. I think I had forgotten what love was. I think that when Danny died, I placed it on some pedestal and told myself that I would never be able to find it again. That it was so perfect that it could only be had once. And that was if you were lucky. And I had already been lucky. And that's why I convinced myself that all I felt for you was a crush. That you attracted me physically and that your personality was merely an added bonus.  
  
And I was content with that knowledge. I want you to know that what you told me. . . this morning was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. But it also turned my world upside down. Because after you risked everything to tell me that, I knew I had to make up my mind. And I didn't want to hurt you. Or me.  
  
But when you leaned over me, I realized that you weren't just manipulating me. I knew that you had spoken from your heart before but I also thought you were taking advantage of my emotional state. It was then that I realized that you didn't love me because I was in a low place and you could rescue me. I realized that you loved me both in spite of them and because of them.  
  
Now you know I'm human. And when I kissed you, I wanted to see if I could be myself again. If I was ready to break out of me shell. And from the moment your lips touched mine, I knew. It was like my soul was complete again." She looked at him meaningfully but it was his turn to become silent. He was still processing her words.  
  
She laughed softly. "Don't you get it yet? The moment we broke our kiss, I felt scared and nervous and happy and . . . and wonderful. All at once. And I remember feeling the exact same way two years ago. But I don't remember ever being so happy as I am now. Don't you think that it's fate that all this happened? That my flight was canceled, that you asked me to stay? That you comforted me and then told me how you felt?"  
  
There was still no response. She prodded him gently. "Don't you think that's it's too big to be a coincidence that I love you too?"  
  
His eyes widened. And then his lips spread into a smile. 


	12. Question

Sorry you guys . . . this isn't an actual chapter of the story but I need your help deciding something. I know a bunch of you guys told me you wanted smut but that was after the first chapter so I don't know what you're thinking now. So. . . now that Syd and Vaughn know they love each other, I'm "in a pickle".  
  
I can write no smut, smut, a little smut, etc. You tell me. . . I've decided that I'm just going to write what the majority of you guys tell me. So. . . once again, the question is Smut or no smut? (Hardy har har)  
  
Thanks, you guys rock my world (It's kinda sad how true it is too. . . I'm the Will junkie of reviews.) -Jenn 


	13. Cooking with Sydney and Michael

Chapter 13: Cooking with Syd and Vaughn  
  
(Wow you guys, I can't believe I'm on chapter 13 already. I only published this story like 10 days ago. . . it seems so much longer I know but I've had fun with it. Plus. . . just to advertise my other fics. . . I started a new one called Far From Home that I think I'm going to like even though I'm not even completely sure what's its going to be about yet. I've been updating A Familiar Stranger (6) and The Whole Truth (5) and I think I'm going to keep The Watch a one-chapter story. So. . .if you guys have as much free time as I seem to have, feel free to read and review~)-Jenn  
  
There were no fireworks, no violins playing in the background, no birds spontaneously chirping together in singsong melody. But the silence was more romantic that anything Sydney could ever have imagined.  
  
It wasn't strained or difficult. It was the silence felt by two people who were now completely comfortable with each other. And she loved it; it had been a long time since she could be completely at ease with someone who knew everything about her.  
  
The one physically different thing to her was how everything about Vaughn was suddenly enhanced. She noticed every freckle, every hair, every mark on him. He stood up, the smile still stuck on his chiseled face, and stretched out a hand. "Wanna make breakfast with me?"  
  
She grinned. It was such a. . . normal thing to do. She agreed. "That sounds lovely." She followed him into the kitchen. "So, Michael," She tried out his first name. This was the first time she had said it out loud. She liked out possessive it sounded. "What should we make?"  
  
"Babe, we can make anything you want." Vaughn was surprised at how relaxed around Sydney he was already. With Alice, all the moments following his telling her about his love had been awkward. With Sydney, everything flowed. Everything had its own place and all the pieces had come together.  
  
*Babe* She liked the sound of that. "I want to make the biggest, most wonderful breakfast EVER." She stretched out her arms to emphasize just how big she wanted her breakfast.  
  
Michael chuckled. "Okay," Then, in a lower tone of voice he added, "You know I can't say no to you."  
  
Grinning, she opened the refrigerator door and took out four eggs. "I will give you five dollars if you can juggle these eggs."  
  
Vaughn laughed. "Or not. . . that could make quite a mess."  
  
Sydney smiled, "Oh, I see. It's still too early in our relationship to see my messy side." She placed the eggs on the counter. "Alright, whenever you're ready. Just let me know. Though I do feel an obligation to tell you that I am an EXPERT egg juggler."  
  
He raised his eyebrow, "Been practicing, Syd?"  
  
"You bet your ass I have."  
  
"Well, then I'm not so sure I want to compete against you. I'm pretty sure that you're unbeatable at anything you set your mind to and I'm a pretty competitive person. Well. . . unless you feel like having a singing contest." He winked at her.  
  
"So. . . I'm the best at anything I set my mind to and you don't like to be outdone? Is that it Michael? I guess you're never going to sleep with me then."  
  
"Whoa- - I never said that. I'm not that competitive." He looked at Sydney smiling at him and couldn't get over this feeling. In the last twenty minutes he had found a person he could say anything to. In the last hour, he had woken up with the love of his life in his arms. In the last 12 hours he had found how deeply he loved Sydney Bristow. And now, in this moment, he knew he would never be able to let her go.  
  
Sydney smiled and tossed him a bag of bread. "Toast. Make it."  
  
"Alright your Majesty. Jesus, you're such a slave driver, Syd. And reverting to monosyllabic words? Wow, you're scary in the morning." But he took out the butter and turned on the frying pan complacently.  
  
After a few moments of silence, he couldn't stand not be able to look at her and he turned around to see what she was doing. Backlighted by the lights from the living room, Sydney stretched, her arms high above her head as she arched her back to get out all the kinks in her body. Vaughn could barely breathe. She was so beautiful.  
  
She closed her eyes and enjoyed the stretch. It felt good and she always felt taller right after a good one. She was about to relax when she felt Vaughn's arms on her own. Smiling without opening her eyes, she let him kiss her. He let go of her arms and settled his arms around her waist, holding her tightly to him. In pure bliss, Syd wrapped her own arms around his head.  
  
So this was love.  
  
Sydney raised her head despite Vaughn's protests and sniffed the air. "Vaughn? What do you smell?"  
  
"You."  
  
"No, seriously."  
  
It was almost too late for the toast but it was saved just in time and only minimal scraping was needed for the golden color to show through. "Maybe I should leave the kitchen work to you."  
  
"Oh no you don't. You can't get out of the kitchen that easily. I just won't distract you so much from your duties."  
  
Vaughn could hear the smile in her voice. He took an apron from the hanger and wrapped it around Sydney's waist. He felt her stop breathing as he reached around her to grab the strings. She cracked an egg into a bowl and he set his head on her shoulder, whispering in her ear, "Who said I was trying to get out of the kitchen? Blasphemy!"  
  
Sydney giggled as he stayed behind her, rocking her back and forth as she mixed the eggs together. "You're gonna make me spill all over the place!"  
  
"It's just the floor." He said.  
  
"Says the man who won't juggle eggs," retorted Sydney.  
  
"Okay, okay. What do you want me to do now for our best breakfast ever?"  
  
"Umm, pour milk? Do you think you can manage that Burntoast?"  
  
Vaughn shook his head. Life with Sydney would never be boring. Her contrariness would keep him laughing and her goodness would keep him in love. He reluctantly stepped away and took two glasses from the cupboard.  
  
He heard Sydney speak behind him. "You know, I didn't even realize how warm you were until you went away. Now it's freezing."  
  
He sighed dramatically, "I suppose it's your cross to bear Agent Bristow for sending your dedicated handler away."  
  
She moved next to him and jiggled the oven knobs. "Vaughn, you have the most difficult house ever. Your doors won't open, your locks won't unlock and none of your kitchen appliances work!"  
  
He reached over and snapped it on; immediately a blue flame arose underneath the pan. "Or maybe the house known me as master and obeys everything I say because it thinks I'm God. . . whatever works."  
  
He saw Sydney roll her eyes and laughed. "Hey, don't blame me. . . I had to come up with some kind of explanation as to why you are severely lacking in manual dexterity."  
  
"Ooh, you're going to pay for that later," Sydney said not quite under her breath. She scrambled the eggs and added salt, pepper, and a little sour cream to make them fluffy. Vaughn opened a package of bacon.  
  
"Does the Madame eat bacon?" He asked, allowing a slight French accent to come through. Sydney could've died.  
  
"Like a. . . meat-eating machine," she finished lamely. She couldn't think of anything that ate excessive amounts of meat off hand like that.  
  
"Oh, do you really? And where does it go?" He inquired as he openly looked at her appreciatively.  
  
"No place you wanna no about," she quipped.  
  
He laughed. Then, he turned to her. "Hey, I realized I have to do something. I'll be right back."  
  
Sydney looked at him, puzzled. "Is there something wrong?"  
  
He smiled at her concern, "No, no. Don't worry. I will really be back in a minute. Watch the bacon." He grabbed a coat and walked out of the door. Sydney smiled. She finally felt like she was in the right place at the perfect time. She watched the bacon and put the toast and scrambled eggs on plates. Putting the bacon on a napkin on a plate, she put everything on a tray and walked out of the kitchen.  
  
*I really feel like a housewife now. And. . . it feels good.* She paused. Breakfast at the table or breakfast in bed? She went to the table. She liked the pace things were now. Vaughn came back in the door and followed the sound of her footsteps. Admiring her for a minute as she set up the plates, he came and set a vase of flowers in front of her.  
  
"They seemed like the perfect touch." He said modestly.  
  
Sydney beamed. "You're perfect."  
  
He sat down in a chair and looked at the plates in front of him. "Are all these for me? Why isn't there a place for you?"  
  
She grinned. "I want to share your seat with you. That's my idea of the perfect touch. And it was always something cute on TV that I've wanted to do." Vaughn smiled as she sat on his lap. Picking up a forkful of eggs, she brought it to his mouth.  
  
"So now we've reverted to playing Airplane?" He said before biting.  
  
"Say AHHH," Sydney replied, eyes twinkling. 


	14. Anonymousness

Chapter 14: Anonymousness  
  
"So you do you want to call first or should I?"  
  
Breakfast lay half eaten on the table on the other side of the room and Sydney and Vaughn were wrapped in each other's arms in the couch. Sydney realized that she had never let someone else protect her. It was usually the other way around. This was a good feeling.  
  
"Umm, let's see. It's 9. I'll call first. Devlin's probably going crazy right now." Vaughn picked up the phone next to him while his other hand lazily traveled in circles around Sydney's back. He pushed the familiar numbers and waited.  
  
"Devlin."  
  
"Sir, this is Agent Vaughn."  
  
"Where the hell are you?"  
  
"I'd like to request a sick day, sir."  
  
"I'm sure you would. . . are all right?"  
  
Vaughn grinned. Devlin was showing concern for his health? He suddenly wanted to record the conversation. "Yes, sir. I've just been feeling swamped with work lately and because Agent Bristow is in Germany and does not require my services today-" He glanced at her and she grinned slightly. "I figured that today would be a good day to rest and make sure that these recent work hours won't affect my performance."  
  
"Well, you haven't taken a sick day yet so I suppose it's about time. I just hope that you are taking a sick day in spite of Agent Bristow's absence and not BECAUSE of it. Do you understand my meaning, Vaughn?"  
  
"Everything is crystal clear sir. I will see you tomorrow." Vaughn hung up the phone and smiled at Sydney. "Devlin just wanted to remind me that I should steer clear of having feelings for you."  
  
Sydney's eyes lit up. "Well, I certainly hope you are capable of distinguishing between good and bad advice."  
  
He touched her face, "I can't distinguish between anything right now Syd. You're the only thing on my mind."  
  
She took the phone from the stand. "I suppose it's my turn."  
  
The person on the other line picked up immediately after the first ring. "Hello?" She sounded worried. Sydney felt a pang of guilt.  
  
"Francie? I'm so sorry I couldn't reach you earlier-"  
  
"SYDNEY! Are you all right?"  
  
"Yes, I'm fine Francie. My flight got canceled and it was really late so I decided to just stay at a motel and completely forgot to call you. DO you forgive me?"  
  
"Of course, Sydney, I'm not angry. I was just worried out of my mind. When I woke up this morning and you weren't home but your nags were still here. . . I don't think I have ever been so worried in my life."  
  
"Jesus, Francie, I am so sorry. I'll be back home later today okay?"  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Okay, Bye."  
  
Sydney sighed. "Nothing like a little guilt in the morning." She smiled at Vaughn.  
  
He was worried for a second, wondering if she was only talking about Francie or if she was telling him about the slightly guilt-trip thing he had put on her this morning. But he pushed it out of his mind. Sydney loved him and that was it. Happiness was so close he could taste it.  
  
For no apparent reason, he thought suddenly if this what was Jack had felt when he married Irina Derevko. But that thought didn't even make sense. After all, Sydney worked for the CIA and he knew she would never do what her mother did even if she was ordered to. Instinctively he tightened his hold around her.  
  
She looked up at him, a dimpled smile forming on her face. "What do you want to do now?"  
  
*I could think of a couple things* Vaughn thought but he didn't say it. When he and Sydney. . . well, he wanted everything to be perfect. Not hiding from anyone. He placed his head next to hers, smelling the sweet scent of shampoo in her hair. He wondered if his hair smelled like that. After all, Sydney had used his shampoo. . . he hadn't realized it was so feminine. "I just want to spend the day with you."  
  
Sydney was slightly relieved. She had thought that if they had sex, everything would be too rushed; that it would be two people trying to make everything happen just in case somebody them rather than two people merely being in love. She nestled her head in the crook where his neck met his shoulders. Her torso rose and feel as he breathed and soon, their whole bodies were synchronized.  
  
Sydney was afraid to blink, afraid that if she closed her eyes and then reopened them, she would find herself in her bed, waking up from the most glorious yet torturous dream she had ever had.  
  
But everything was too real. This hand lying on her stomach, she could feel it. She could smell him around her, she could hear his voice murmuring into her ear and felt the wind of his breath brush across her ear as he spoke. She shivered. Life was good.  
  
"I want to take you out to dinner tonight."  
  
She looked up at him, suddenly startled. She opened her eyes wide. "Vaughn! Someone could see us! Someone might find out. . ." *Why the hell am I saying no? Because I have to. Just because I love him and want to say yes with every fiber of my being doesn't mean the rest of my doesn't exist anymore.*  
  
Vaughn hushed her, placing a finger to her mouth. "Don't worry, Syd. I wasn't asking for a date-"  
  
Sydney looked up at him, puzzled.  
  
"I mean I was but not a formal one. I was just going to mention that I was going to make a one person reservation at some elegant restaurant in the city and that if I happened to see some strikingly beautiful woman who also seemed to be alone. . . I might risk a conversation."  
  
Sydney's face burst into a smile. "I hope you find that woman. And even if you don't, I have a feeling she'll find you."  
  
Vaughn continued to talk softly into her ear. "Well. . . if you see her. Tell her that she is already amazingly gorgeous and that she doesn't have to dress too sexy. . . I wouldn't want any man horning in on her before I could. Oh. . . and tell her I really liked the little black number she wore in Austria." Sydney looked at him.  
  
"You had feelings for me in Austria? Vaughn, that was a year and a half ago!"  
  
"Sydney, when have I not had feelings for you? I think that would be the easier question to answer."  
  
"Okay. . . I'll pass the message along," she replied, blushing.  
  
"I don't know about her but I eat dinner at eight. And I love Italian food."  
  
"She does too."  
  
"Well, there's this great little restaurant on Peach Street. It's about 15 minutes away from here and it's so well known that it doesn't even have a name. It's absolutely fantastic though."  
  
"An anonymous restaurant? It sounds perfect."  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay. . . just as a warning, this is going to be the second to last of what was (I hope affectionately) dubbed "corny part" The flashback will end pretty soon and we will be back in present day LA. Wahoo~ Jenn. 


	15. First Date

15. First Date  
  
Sydney looked at herself in the mirror. She was back home, back in her own little apartment, in her own room, door closed, pleased with her reflection, and missing Vaughn with a desperation she did not remember.  
  
She eyed her dress. . . yes, it was the one Vaughn had mentioned. The "little black number from Austria". She smiled as she fingered the criss- cross straps that diverged from the sleeves and down her back. It fit her like a second skin, hugging every curve and flattering the ones she either didn't have or didn't want. Not that she was unhappy with her body. Vaughn certainly seemed happy enough with it.  
  
Because she knew that no one was here to judge her, she conceded that she looked pretty amazing. Her hair was curled and piled atop of her head with only a few tendrils sneaking out and framing her face. Her face looked soft and natural because of the make up she had used and the way the light shone on her.  
  
She had never before felt so carefree. She had called Devlin in the morning after calling Francie. And had told him that she had found out about her cancelled flight when she was already at the airport and had decided to spend the night at a hotel which lead to oversleeping and not coming in to work.  
  
She had been given the day off.  
  
She heard her phone ring and smiled softly to herself when she saw the number. "I love you," She answered the phone.  
  
"I hope you knew it was me and that you don't answer all your calls that way," Sydney would almost hear the wink in Vaughn's voice.  
  
"Oh, Vaughn, is that you? I had absolutely no idea," She replied, giggling.  
  
"You look beautiful."  
  
"You can't even see me Vaughn. . . that sounds kinda creepy."  
  
"Sydney, don't you realize that I could say that to you at any time of the day or night and it would still be true? I know for a fact that you look absolutely amazing. I've seen you try Sydney, and when you do, it just takes my breath away."  
  
Heat rushed up into her cheeks. She hadn't heard anyone say anything like that to her in. . . too long. That was different from a declaration of love. That was a declaration of pure adoration. "You're not so bad on the eyes yourself."  
  
"Well, I can't wait to see you. So open the door." And then she heard the doorbell ring. Smiling, she walked out of her room and, slipping on her black strappy heels, opened the door.  
  
His response was hilarious. His mouth actually dropped open in wonderment. "Jesus Christ Sydney," he whispered, nearly dropping the phone in his hand. "I know I promised to be a gentleman but. . . Good Lord how can any man keep his hands off you?" He stepped towards her and touched her face almost wonderingly. Then he lowered his lips onto her own, not wanting to wait any longer before touching her. She smelled sweet and he pulled her towards him, feeling the smooth material of her dress under his fingers.  
  
She broke the kiss, "Vaughn what are you doing here? I thought we agreed to meet accidentally on purpose at the unnamed restaurant?"  
  
"Yeah but your house was on the way and I realized I had to see you again before I left. I missed you."  
  
"Vaughn. . . my apartment is about 40 minutes out of your way. And since when do you know where I live?"  
  
"I followed my heart," he replied, winking.  
  
Sydney grinned. "No, really."  
  
"Oh, well, I just did a little digging in your file." He leaned closer to her and in a mock whisper said, "Oh, I have flowers for you but you don't know that because I've never met you before. But they're really pretty and I think that whatever pretty lady gets them will like them a lot and will feel inclined to give her giver-of-flowers a kiss."  
  
She burst out laughing at his antics. She fingered the collar of his suit. "You look so sexy right now that I might give you a kiss anyway Mr. Vaughn," she half growled, half whispered into his ear.  
  
Vaughn raised an eyebrow at her and caught her wrists gently into his hands. "Listen babe, as much as I want to do this with you, I have a one- man reservation at this fantastic restaurant where I fully plan on hitting on a beautiful woman. So you see, you'll have to excuse me." He grinned and left.  
  
Sydney stood in the doorway, feeling light and not believing what had happened in her life. Then she took a breath, grabbed her purse and went to her car. This was her first date. Her official first date with a man whom she loved, who loved her back, from whom she had nothing to hide, and who's presence in her life was essential. She was in love and this was the big time.  
  
She couldn't stop smiling. Her forehead hurt from the stretching that rest of her face was doing and she felt like her cheeks were going to fall off but life was good. Amazingly good.  
  
She followed his car, suddenly grateful that he had come to her apartment; even though the restaurant was the only unnamed establishment, she knew that she would have had much more trouble finding it.  
  
Sydney grinned as she saw him drive by an open parking spot. Ever the gentleman. She parked and walked through the doors and into the most romantic restaurant she had ever set eyes on.  
  
The whole room was lit up in a soft wash of light, almost peach in coloring that bounced off the glass of the mini chandeliers that separated each level. The walls were painted with pictures of places of Italy with such a touch of realism that Sydney could almost imagine that she was there. She walked up to the Maitre de. "Reservation for one, under the name of Vaughn. Sydney Vaughn?"  
  
"You are alone?" The man looked puzzled, he looked at her appreciatively but could not understand how someone would dress like that to dine alone. But he was paid to serve and not to ask questions; so at her nod, he merely led the way.  
  
She sat at her table, sipping water and gazing over the menu. Michael came in about 10 minutes later, looking so delicious that it was all Sydney could do to keep herself from calling out to him.  
  
He asked for a reservation for a Michael Bristow and was seated almost exactly opposite her. He sat down, thanked the man for his services and was about to take a menu when his eyes locked onto hers. He looked up at the maitre de still standing before him and beckoned for him to come closer. "Excuse me sir but who is that exquisite woman over there?" he pointed in Sydney's direction.  
  
"Ah, sir, I can not reveal that information. She is lovely, no?"  
  
"Absolutely. She is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Can you tell me if she is dining alone?"  
  
"She is actually. It surprised me very much that a woman like that would be single but now I see that perhaps you two were destined to meet. After all, you are a handsome man and you came alone to eat did you not?"  
  
Vaughn smiled at the man, "That I did. Will you please send over a bottle of wine? The best that you have. Tell her that it's for the loveliest person I have ever laid eyes on from the stranger admiring her in the corner," His eyes twinkled.  
  
"It would be my pleasure, sir."  
  
Sydney was glad for an excuse to look up when the man came walking back to her. Her eyes widened when she saw the bottle of wine. He smiled at her response.  
  
"This is from the gentleman seated in the corner booth. He says that he hopes you will accept this wine because you are the loveliest creature he has ever seen."  
  
She blushed and looked around the man at Vaughn. He smiled and lifted up his own wine glass. Smiling, she accepted and took a sip.  
  
The wine flowed down her throat in a smooth stream of liquid; it was the most wonderful wine she had ever tasted.  
  
Taking his cue, Vaughn stood up and strolled to her table. "Excuse me, miss but you have accepted my wine, given me an extraordinary smile, and now I feel the need to introduce myself to you. I'm Michael." He held out a hand, giving her a warm smile. 


	16. Alternate Existence

16.  
  
Sydney raised her eyebrows at the man standing in front of her. After all, he wasn't Michael Vaughn. . . he was Michael Bristow. And she was Sydney Vaughn. Two completely different people, meeting for the first time in a small, cozy, and unnamed restaurant. There were no broken rules; there were no rules at all. No rules. No protocol.  
  
Just. . . mutual attraction.  
  
She smiled. "Sydney Vaughn. Thank you for the wine. It's delicious."  
  
Vaughn looked at the glass half full of wine in her hand. Conspiratorially, he bent over towards her face and whispered into her ear, "It would be nice to be asked to join you seeing as how I am paying for the wine."  
  
Flushing, she pointed to the seat across from her. He sat down, grinning. "So, Miss Vaughn, where have you been all these years while I was looking for that perfect someone?"  
  
Sydney rolled her eyes. "Hiding from people who say things like that. . . if I am perfectly honest."  
  
He laughed and placed a hand over his heart. "Ooh that hurt."  
  
His face turned serious as he looked at her. "You are stunning. Absolutely stunning."  
  
Heat rushed up to her cheeks and she knew that she probably matched the glass of wine in her hand. "I have to say that you weren't exactly unnoticed when you walked through the door either. I acted like I didn't see you but I was actually checking you out." She grinned at him.  
  
Michael laughed. "That is a very high compliment. Do we know each other well enough to call each other by our first names?"  
  
It was almost as if this alternate life were really true for the both of them. Sydney felt the rush of the compliments, the dizzying feeling she got when he looked at her, and the blushes from everything he said. At the moment, everything changed and she was Sydney Vaughn after all. "Yes Michael, I think that we do."  
  
He noticeably relaxed. "Good."  
  
The waiter watched them from the podium, smiling softly at the beginnings of love that were displayed before him. It was always a nice feeling to know that his restaurant could bring happiness to people after all. It was almost as if they knew each other. Their actions were relaxed; their conversation was easy. But then again, they looked right too. Though they had contrasting features and coloration, they complimented each other and the chemistry was visible to everyone. He sighed and straightened his jacket, getting ready to take their orders.  
  
~ a few hour(s) later~  
  
Laughing, Sydney and Michael walked out of the restaurant. The night was cold but it was a good feeling knowing that even during the cold, the warmth of the other person was still there close enough to touch. It was a comfort to Sydney at least to know that Vaughn was by her side.  
  
"Well, I have to admit that you were right. That restaurant was really amazing. The food was fabulous, the atmosphere was comfortable, and the whole architecture and look of the place. . . it was just absolutely breath- taking."  
  
Vaughn smiled at her and took her hand in his. This felt right; it felt good. He finally felt like he was in the right place at the right time. There were no awkward Alice-moments or silences that were so unbearable that it felt as if SOMETHING had to be said no matter what it was. "I'm surprised you noticed all that. I couldn't look at anything else but you."  
  
He loved watching her blush. It gave her a touch of the bashful femininity that she rarely displayed on missions. Oh, he knew that she was feminine. . . he knew she was every time he looked at her or thought about her. But this was different. This was soft and truly made him feel like he was an important person in her life. Not that he needed to feel like he mattered, it was just that. . . to know that he was the cause of Sydney's blush made him feel good. It let him know that he had some effect on her.  
  
They reached her car. Sydney looked down at their hands, still intertwined. She liked the feeling of being with someone again. She even liked this feeling of possession. . . that she belonged to Vaughn and vice versa. Of course she was independent; no one could doubt that. But to be silly and girly and fall back on a man at times. . . especially if the man was Vaughn, was a pleasure that could be had without guilt.  
  
"Well. . ." She looked up at him, unsure of what to say. She didn't want to say anything. "I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want this night to end. I. . . I had such a good time Vaughn, I hope you know that."  
  
Vaughn smiled at her. "I did get the impression that you did. Don't worry Syd, goodbye doesn't mean goodbye. It just means until next time. Or until we see each other again. Which, in our case, is tomorrow. I will see you tomorrow."  
  
Sydney grin faltered. "At work. Oh Vaughn, what's that going to be like? Working with you, wanting to kiss you and not being able to? What- never mind, it doesn't matter. I don't and won't regret anything. Okay, I will see you tomorrow."  
  
He smiled at her concerns and her rambling. And then he slowly lowered his face towards hers until their lips touched. The electricity ran through them again and Sydney knew that it was something she would never get used to, this feeling of power that surged through her when she kissed him. She closed her eyes and let herself go, letting the perfect evening and the perfect date have a perfect ending. She felt Vaughn's hands hold her waist tightly and she felt safe in his embrace. She raised her hands from her sides and slowly moved them up his arms until they rested at his shoulders, gently pressing on them and she lifted herself onto her tip toes to get better leverage. His arms tightened accordingly, holding her on her toes. Sydney realized what they must look like and broke away, laughing.  
  
Vaughn looked at her, puzzled by her reaction. She smiled at him, "You didn't do anything wrong. I was just thinking about what we must look like, you know, me on my tippy-toes, you holding me up, us locked in a kiss in the middle of the street."  
  
He chuckled a little then too. "I had a really good time too."  
  
And then he turned away and, whispering so softly that she could barely hear it, he said "Thank you for putting meaning back into my life."  
  
She watched him walk away, broad back and lean body moving gracefully and almost fluidly to his car. She couldn't believe that he loved her. She sighed, shook her head and laughed before getting into her car.  
  
She didn't even remember to stop smiling.  
  
~End Flashback~ (Present Time = 3 months after Chapters 1~16)  
  
Sydney sighed, she always loved that memory, the knowledge that she and Vaughn had perfect dates, a perfect relationship, a perfect life was always a source of happiness and comfort. He was perfect. Sometimes she just sat there, playing the memories over and over in her head, wondering what she could have done to earn his affections. And other times she just wanted to hit herself for waiting those 20 minutes before telling him that she loved him too.  
  
But it was done and over with now. They were together, they had endured, and so far, at least to their knowledge, no one suspected.  
  
Of course people had commented that they had been happier in the last 3 months, that they had had a glow or that they laughed far more than before. But they had never put everything together and for that, Sydney was grateful. Her time with Vaughn was her own and when they were together, nothing and no one else existed.  
  
In fact, work had been a lot easier to deal with than either of them had expected. They were now able to talk to each other, say anything that was on their minds without worrying about the rules or conduct or protocol. If anything, work was easier because they did not have to worry about the tension between them any more. And they found a lot more time to themselves than they thought they would. After all, there wasn't much interaction with other agents at the CIA. Fraternization with co-workers was frowned upon you know.  
  
She looked at the clock. It was nearly 10 o' clock. Vaughn was planning on taking her to the restaurant again for dinner and she still had a couple of classes to attend. Plus, her dissertation was due and she had asked for so many continuances that at this rate, she would never graduate.  
  
So Sydney sat down at her laptop and started typing and somehow managed to keep from thinking about Vaughn and their date. For a minute or two.  
  
  
  
Review people~ let's get the number of reviews to 120. . . that would make me really really really happy and get me to write chapters faster.  
  
Oh, by the way, I feel that it is my duty as an author to warn you than within the next 4-6 chapters (yes there will be 4 or more chapters) EVERYTHING will change. . .  
  
(and you know I'm going to use those cliff-hangers ;) )~Jenn 


	17. Beautiful Night

17.  
  
Sydney got out of her car and smiled as she saw Vaughn step out of the shadows, wearing a black suit and holding a single red rose. He held out his arm to her and she linked her arm through his before entering the restaurant together.  
  
The waiter smiled at them, loving this couple. They were definitely his favorite customers; he loved the way that from the moment they walked in here, they belonged to each other and no one else. He had been rooting for them and to know that they had made it, that they had met and flourished under this roof. . . he was happy. "Ahh, Ms. Vaughn. Mr. Bristow. How nice to see you again."  
  
She beamed at his honest face. "Hello again."  
  
"Your usual table?"  
  
She was about to nod when Vaughn cut in. "No, not the corner table. Can we have one. . . more special? It's our three month anniversary today."  
  
He nodded. "Of course. Come right this way." Sydney looked at Vaughn quizzically. Sure it was their three-month anniversary but she had always been partial to their table. For obvious reasons. But he merely shrugged and followed the waiter.  
  
They walked up the winding staircase to the second floor. "Wow, I didn't even realize that there was a second floor."  
  
Vaughn laughed. "So all those times when you commented about how beautiful the architecture was, you were never really looking?"  
  
She flushed slightly. "I looked. Just not as hard as I might have let on that I was." She laughed with him.  
  
The waiter gestured, "How is this?"  
  
Sydney looked around her and felt herself take a sharp intake of breath. "Absolutely perfect," she heard Vaughn whisper, almost as much in awe as she was.  
  
The room was softly lit, the shadows of candlelight lightly bobbing and giving the small almost-private room a peachy glow. The table for two stood in the middle of the room, the balcony only a few feet away looking over the night and the twinkling lights of the city.  
  
Sydney took Vaughn's hand in hers. "Oh Vaughn. It's absolutely gorgeous." She reached out with her free hand and fingered the petals of the rose that stood in the tall glass vase on the table.  
  
"Just like you," she heard him murmur, his voice right next to her ear. She got shivers from the sound. "But I hope you like my rose more than you like the other one."  
  
She turned and grinned before giving him a quick kiss. "Of course I do. It's just. . . it's all so wonderful. I didn't know that three months was such a marker."  
  
He smiled. "Well, for this relationship it is. Not to say that I didn't think it would last. It's just that this one. . . you are. . . this is all so special that I keep thinking that if I don't celebrate every moment of it, it will all vanish. Does that make sense?"  
  
Oddly enough, it did. "Yeah," she whispered, trapped by the gaze of his eyes. He reached behind her and pulled out her chair for her.  
  
She sat down lightly in it and waited for him to sit before reaching over the table to catch his hand in hers. "Did you do this? Did you arrange all this?" She didn't remember feeling so happy.  
  
He raised his eyebrow at her in mock seriousness. "Don't be silly. Even I wouldn't build a whole room onto a restaurant. Not in a week anyway."  
  
She laughed. "You know what I mean."  
  
Vaughn grinned at her. "Yeah. But it was easy, this room was already beautiful."  
  
The soft strains of music wafted up to their ears. Sydney smiled and softly rubbed his hand with her thumb. "Violins."  
  
He nodded. " It was all worth it. Just to see the look on your face.  
  
" I love you, Sydney."  
  
She gulped and didn't hesitate at all this time. "I love you too." She felt like her face was stretching from her smile. He leaned across the table and kissed her softly on the lips.  
  
Still in a daze, she barely heard his next question. "So, how was your day?"  
  
"Oh, hmm? Oh. . . umm, I worked on my dissertation and I went to a couple of meetings." At the question in his eyes, she nodded slightly. Yes. SD-6 meetings. Yes. They gave me a new mission.  
  
And then the conversation changed. Work didn't exist. They didn't exist. "And you?"  
  
"Well. . . I tried to work." Vaughn looked pained. Sydney looked at him, concerned suddenly.  
  
"Why couldn't you? Is something wrong?"  
  
"Well. . . " he paused, looking unsure. "It was just that I couldn't stop thinking about you-" He burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. I just wanted to. . . I don't know what I wanted to do."  
  
She removed her hands from his in a mock-haughty way. "Well, I am offended Mr. Bristow. I am not a thing to be toyed with."  
  
Vaughn laughed at her. "What can I do to make you forgive me? What if I get down on my knees and beg? Will that make you forgive me?"  
  
Lifting her face, she closed her eyes and sniffed. "I'm not sure that that will be enough."  
  
Their plates arrived and the waiter set down their glasses in front of them and filled them with wine. Sydney grinned at the service. They hadn't even ordered yet but the staff had remembered their dishes.  
  
"Oh my god! Vaughn, did you have them freeze cranberries and cranberry leaves into the ice cubes?" She looked at him, not sure whether to laugh at his slightly smug expression or just completely lose all ability to talk.  
  
So this was what it was like to be speechless. Such a little thing, freezing cranberries into ice cubes. But it showed that Vaughn had thought of all the details. And that was what touched her.  
  
He grinned. "So, I suppose the ice cubes are enough to make you forgive me for my grievous mistake?" He slapped a puppy-dog look on his face.  
  
Sydney grinned and got back into the game. It didn't even make much sense but she was enjoying herself. "I think you are getting too cocky, Mr. Bristow. I think you were closer to forgiveness when you were willing to get down on your knees and beg." She flipped her hair and picked up her sparkling white wine to her lips to take a sip.  
  
Her eyes widened as the ice cubes moved out of the way and revealed the ring lying at the bottom of the glass.  
  
She looked up at him in wonder but his chair was empty. She felt a hand take the glass from her hands and she looked down. Vaughn was on his knees, fishing the ring out of the glass.  
  
"I can do that." Do what? Was he actually going to beg?  
  
Sydney's hands went up to her mouth, shock registering in her eyes. The room, the music, the rose. . . she should've figured it out. She looked at him looking up at her, ring held up towards her in his fingers. He took one of her hands and brought it to his mouth and gently kissed her fingers. "Here I am. I am on my knees and I am begging you. To marry me. It's not complicated. I'm not going to confuse you with pretty words. Because this question is simple. I love you; I want to be in your life for the rest of mine. I want to be allowed to get jealous when other guys look at you in a funny way. I want to be allowed to kiss you in public or wrap my arms around you in the doorway of our house. I want to go to sleep with you in my arms and I want you to still be there when I wake up. . . I know that we can't get married right away. I'm just asking. In advance."  
  
His eyes never strayed from him. It felt as if he was looking into her soul, seeing all her secrets, loving every piece of her. Silently she nodded, tears springing to her eyes. She dropped down on her knees beside him and watched in fascination as he slipped on the ring in the light of the candles surrounding them.  
  
Sensing her next question, he turned it around so that the gem faced the inside of her hand. "Until you're ready," he said to her.  
  
And then the tears did fall.  
  
He chuckled softly, wiping them away with his thumb. "Oh, Syd. Don't cry,"  
  
"I'm. . . I'm not sad. I'm just so- so happy." She could barely get the words out.  
  
He laughed them and pulled her close to him and kissed the top of her head. "All right Sydney, all right. Be all the happy you want."  
  
He slowly got up and pulled her with him. She was still leaning on him, almost unable to hold herself up. He wrapped his arms around her, loving the way she felt against him, wondering how she could fit so perfectly into him. And then he rocked her gently to the music.  
  
She lifted her head from his shoulder, eyes glistening with tears and happiness. "Do you realize what this is?" she asked softly.  
  
He grinned at her. "Our first dance as an engaged couple."  
  
Smiling, she nodded and looked at him, amazed that he wanted her. Amazed that he wanted to be hers forever. "Ready for our first kiss as an engaged couple?"  
  
"Always."  
  
Lifting her chin, he met her lips with his.  
  
~ ~  
  
~  
  
~  
  
~ ~(review~) -Jenn warning: next chapter = the smut you guys have been waiting for. . . if you don't want to read it, skip it. I promise nothing important (to the plot of the story anyway) will occur. But I can't make it too graphic or they (fanfiction.net people) will completely erase my story and that would suck. (Only 3-4 chapters until the cliff-hanger~ dun-dun-dun) 


	18. No Words

~The "smut" chapter. . . but it's not that smutty because I don't want my story to be erased~ I hope you guys it (review~) -Jenn  
  
18.  
  
"I'll meet you there?"  
  
He nodded, smiling at Sydney's face. Nodding his thanks to the waiter, he draped her coat across her shoulders and led her outside.  
  
They separated in the shadows and went to their cars.  
  
Sydney drove in a maze of roads and streets, looking behind her every couple of seconds to make sure she wasn't being followed. She went around a 5-block radius four times before parking in the shadow of a tree a block away from Vaughn's house. She walked across the street and onto his walkway, looking at the door with a smile on her face.  
  
She reached out her hand to the doorknob and took a deep breath. *I am engaged. To Michael Vaughn* She rested her hand on the door but it flew open before she could turn the doorknob and she felt Vaughn's arms pull her in the doorway.  
  
She laughed as he kicked the door closed behind him and kissed her, his hands moving downwards until he reached her hips and pressed her to him. Sydney closed her eyes though the room was dark and brought her own hands to the back of his head, feeling her heart flutter as she felt him plant kisses along her collarbone and in the hollow of her throat.  
  
In the darkness she lightly traced his eyelids, ran a finger down his nose, and tentatively touched his lips. They parted slightly and lightly bit the tip of her finger before kissing it.  
  
"Sydney, we're engaged. We are really engaged." She felt the breath from his mouth on her fingers and shuddered slightly. She kissed his cheek softly and traced lines down his chest until she was fingering the bottom of his shirt.  
  
She felt him tense slightly at her touch but she brought her lips back to his. It was soft at first; the only word that could describe it was beautiful. But intensity quickly won over. Heat flushed her entire body and she felt him everywhere around her. She had never before felt so safe. She sighed as she leaned in the kiss, completely melting against him.  
  
She slipped off his suit and smiled at the satisfying sound it made as it fell onto the floor. She felt his hands reach up to her hair and softly loosen the pins that held it until it fell freely around her shoulders and framed her face softly.  
  
He slipped off a shoulder of her dress and softly kissed her shoulder.  
  
"Oh Michael. . . I love you so much."  
  
She felt his smile on her shoulder and felt like the happiest, luckiest person in the world. "I'm the luckiest person in the world." She whispered into his hair and she leaned into his embrace.  
  
He picked her up then, as easily as if she weighed two pounds. "No you're not. I am." He whispered as he carried her into the bedroom.  
  
She laughed. "We both are." She tugged at his shirt and pulled it over his head, making impatient sounds as it stuck for a second around his head. She heard his muffled laugh from inside the shirt and he finally reached to help her.  
  
She silently gasped, as she always did, at the sight of Vaughn's bare torso. She lightly ran her fingernails along his well-defined muscles and buried her head in the crook where his neck met his shoulders, kissing the side of his neck.  
  
He softly clasped her hands in his and brought them behind his back, pulling her against him and he slightly swayed. She smiled.  
  
They were dancing.  
  
She took back a hand with his in it and looked at it, illuminated by the moonlight. He was so beautiful. She brought his hand to her mouth and kissed his palm before placing it on her cheek.  
  
Vaughn leaned forward and kissed her slightly on the cheek. She sighed, letting her free hand travel in circles on his bare back and felt him whisper words into her ear.  
  
"Sydney, you are driving me crazy."  
  
She smiled then, loving every bit of him more than she ever thought she could love anyone. She looked at him, eyes shining. "I haven't even begun yet, Mr. Vaughn."  
  
He touched her cheek. "Please, call me Michael," he said, a slight laugh in his voice.  
  
She shrugged her shoulder and slipped off the dress, letting it form a puddle at her feet. She heard Vaughn's sharp intake of breath and she guided his hands to her hips.  
  
"Do you have any idea- Do you know how beautiful you are Sydney?" His voice was hoarse, almost a whisper and he leaned towards her again.  
  
"Not half as beautiful as you are. You are the most wonderful- the sweetest- " She couldn't get the words out. "I can't even tell you how much I love you. There- There are no words." She felt the tears start up again and laughed. She loved this man so much she couldn't even control herself anymore. Her fingers danced along the top of his pants, finally finding the buckle and undoing it.  
  
She pushed him down onto the bed and kissed him. "So let me show you." 


	19. At the Door

19.  
  
Sydney felt the sunlight on her face before she opened her eyes. And she also felt the warmth that was Vaughn next to her. She smiled and opened her eyes, holding back the yawn that was about to erupt from her mouth. She turned and looked at him. Her fiancé. Michael Vaughn was her fiancé.  
  
She grinned and bent over him to lightly kiss his adam's apple. He stirred and opened his eyes.  
  
"Good morning sweetie."  
  
He closed his eyes again in ecstasy. "It feels so good to have you call me that."  
  
Sydney grinned. "Guess what?"  
  
He yawned. "What?"  
  
"We're engaged." Vaughn's lips opened into a smile as he brought her closer to him.  
  
"Yes we are. We most definitely are. We are extremely, totally, completely engaged." He twirled her ring with a finger and smiled at her. "I never thought this would happen. I can't believe that in three months, you have made me the luckiest man ever to walk the earth. No one has a better life than me. No one."  
  
Sydney lay back down against him. "I'm glad you think so. Because I'm pretty damn happy myself. But we have to get up. We have to go to work."  
  
She started to get up but Vaughn pulled her back down. "Or. . . we could both be sick again."  
  
She laughed and swatted him playfully. "Come on Michael. It's not like we have unimportant jobs. And besides, you'll ruin your record for most days spent at the office."  
  
Vaughn chuckled. "Oh yeah, I definitely wouldn't want to screw that one up. CIA's most cherished workaholic. Screw work. Let's quit."  
  
"I'm almost shocked. Work is your life and all of a sudden you want to throw it all away?" Sydney lifted an eyebrow in mock concern.  
  
"Wrong on both counts. Work was never my life. Work was a way to see you or talk about you or think about you without people being suspicious. But now I have you. Why should we go to work anymore?"  
  
"SD-6." Sydney said quietly, looking down at her hands.  
  
The magic spell was broken, the innocence of the day was gone and all that was left was the hard truth. SD-6 was still out there and it still needed to be taken down. There was no arguing that. Michael twirled her ring one last time so that it faced the inside of her hand before nodding and getting up.  
  
Sydney walked to his closet to pick out some of her spare clothes that she always left for such cases. And then she made breakfast. It felt good to make breakfast for two again. She hadn't done it since Danny died. She didn't even remember eating breakfast until she met Vaughn.  
  
She was just finishing up the omelettes when she felt a stubbly kiss on her cheek. "You forgot to shave." She said.  
  
He turned her around. "I thought you liked it. I was thinking of growing a beard actually. Wouldn't that make me look rugged?"  
  
Crinkling her forehead and nose, she shook her head. "Don't you even think about it. Why would you want to hide your face with a beard? I like you clean-shaven."  
  
"Duly noted." He walked to the bathroom again but she caught his arm.  
  
"Not so fast. I'll take another prickly kiss before you go." He grinned and obliged her.  
  
~:~  
  
"All right, I'm going. What are you doing today?"  
  
"I actually don't have any meeting until 3 so I'm just going to stay around here. Watch a movie, eat some food. The basic stuff."  
  
Vaughn groaned. "Are you sure I can't stay home sick today, mother?"  
  
Sydney pushed him out the door. "If you're good, I'll make you your favorite dinner."  
  
He raised his eyebrows and left.  
  
Laughing, Sydney went to Vaughn's video collection. Which wasn't much. *Hey, Vaughn has While You Were Sleeping??? I didn't think he was the type* She smirked as she took it out of the case.  
  
~:~  
  
"What, because I hugged him?"  
  
"And then you leaned."  
  
"And then I leaned. . . Okay, how did I lean when I leaned?"  
  
"You see, leaning is a lot different from hugging. Hugging. . . that involves arms and hands and leaning. . . leaning is two bodies moving together. . . leaning is giving. . . and recieving. Leaning."  
  
(Yes I improvised some of the lines. . . I didn't feel like looking it up)  
  
Sydney sighed. She loved that part. She loved Bill Pullman and his deep voice. Vaughn kind of sounded like that sometimes. . . psychiatrists would have a field day with that one.  
  
She paused the video and opened the phone book until she found it. Chinese Food. Exactly what she was craving.  
  
"Hello? China Express? I would like to order a two item combo. . . umm, I'll take Chow mein, orange chicken, and beef with broccoli. No, I don't want a drink. The address is 243 N. Mead Lane. Yes, that's the zip code. Okay, all right. Thanks."  
  
She sighed and put a hand to her stomach. Lord she was hungry.  
  
She played the movie again. Bill Pullman was at the wedding, telling Peter Gallagher that he sucked while Sandra Bullock walked down the aisle. Good times good times. Did movies every get any better than this? The phone rang.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, I'm looking for someone tall, dark, and sexy?"  
  
Sydney laughed out loud, Vaughn had changed so much during the last few months. . . she would never have imagined him saying anything like that to her then. "I'm sorry you have the wrong number."  
  
She heard him laughing. "I don't think I do."  
  
"Okay then, I'm not one to reject compliments."  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"You mean in the 3 hours it's been since you left? I'm fine. Why do you ask?"  
  
"I just missed you that's all."  
  
"I miss you too."  
  
"That's good. I wouldn't want to be alone on that one."  
  
"Don't worry. You're not. I love you."  
  
"Me too. You know, I'm glad that you said it first."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it's nice. To have someone say it to you when they don't have to. It lets you know that it's true. Not forced, you know?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll say it more often."  
  
"I'll never stop saying it."  
  
"That too." She smiled into the mouthpiece. Who would want to remain single when there was this kind of love waiting for them? She kept an eye on the screen, her heart doing the usual flutter she saw Bill proposing and then Sandra kissing him. There had been a time when she had dreamed that it was her. And now she had it.  
  
~:~  
  
The doorbell rang and Sydney got up, hungering for the chow mein that was on its way. It had only been 20 minutes though. Oh well, it wasn't like she was complaining.  
  
But it wasn't Chinese awaiting her.  
  
"Oh my." Sydney brought her hands to her face, unable to stop the smile overcoming it. In front of her were roses. And roses. And roses. "How- how many?"  
  
The delivery man smiled at her. "5 dozen. You have yourself either a very wealthy or very loving man, Ms. Bristow." Sydney grinned.  
  
"I do."  
  
She signed and took them into the apartment. He thought of everything. He was so sweet. He was so- he was just so. . . perfect.  
  
She opened the card.  
  
"I knew you were watching that movie. I guess that shows you how well I know you. And these roses are supposed to tell you how much I want to know everything else about you. Hopefully, I will never get to the end. I want to spend the rest of my life being surprised by you. I love you. ~ Michael."  
  
She picked up the phone.  
  
"Michael, you didn't!"  
  
"I didn't? I thought I did."  
  
"How did you know I was watching that movie?"  
  
"Well. . . I know you like it and I know that it is one of my only chick flicks that I own. . . and my beliefs were reinforced when I called you because I heard the background music. Besides, I'm crafty. I never said what movie I knew you were watching."  
  
"Thank you for the roses."  
  
She heard his chuckle over the line and she closed her eyes, almost able to imagine him standing in front her of her.  
  
"Thank you for you."  
  
"Okay, I'll let you -"  
  
"Come home and pretend I'm sick?"  
  
"- get back to work."  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
"I'll see you tonight."  
  
"I should hope so after I bought you 5 dozen roses."  
  
Sydney laughed and gently put the phone back in the receiver.  
  
The doorbell rang again and Sydney grinned. If it was another man delivering 50 boxes of chocolate. . . She looked through the peep whole and saw no chocolates. It was the Chinese food. She sighed, finally able to quiet the rumblings of her stomach.  
  
She turned to get the 20 that was lying on her dresser. Strangely enough, she felt as if she was moving in a dream. Though she was relatively positive that she everything was normal and the world was not revolving any slower, it felt like it was. Maybe this was really love. Not any love but that love where you know that there will never be another one. . . the one where you love the other person so much that you make them promise to die after you. . . the one that will never happen again and the one where if he isn't there, the entire world changes rhythm. She smiled then, letting her emotions show fully on her face. Sydney Vaughn. Sydney Bristow Vaughn.  
  
She shook her head slightly at her own girlish antics and placed a hand on the doorknob. She could almost smell the orange chicken from here.  
  
But when she opened the door, she froze. Completely froze. Her face went numb and her throat constricted; she didn't know whether to scream or cry or just stare. She stood frozen in the doorway, the 20 dangling uselessly in her hand. This wasn't Chinese food.  
  
She gulped, trying to regain control of herself and failed miserably.  
  
"Danny?"  
  
  
  
~You guys better believe that reviews make my fingers type faster! So DO IT!  
  
Review review review review review review review!!!!!!! (Yes I am addicted to them!)  
  
Happy New Year -Jenn  
  
P.S. Does anybody know how to make the type bold or italicized??? Because that would help A LOT~ Thanks. 


	20. Allegedly Gone

Authors Note: Thank you soooo much for all your reviews you guys.you guys rock!!! I left a note for you in the Reviews so you can read it if you want. yeah.  
  
I'M BACK FROM VEGAS!!!!!  
  
In response to the request for a list of my fics:  
  
An Undefinable Sweetness  
  
A Familiar Stranger  
  
The Whole Truth  
  
Mornings of Mist  
  
Through the Darkness  
  
The Watch  
  
With My Dying Breath  
  
Final Words to You My Love  
  
Far From Home  
  
They can all be found my pressing "Jennifer" whenever it is purple. thanks again.read, enjoy, review. I hope I did okay~  
  
-Jenn  
  
20.  
  
She took a step back. This couldn't be happening. Danny was dead. He was dead. He had been shot. She had found him. . . she was the one who had seen him. . . in the bathtub. . . with all the blood. . .  
  
Sydney grabbed her stomach and squatted to the floor, trying to quiet her fears. Breathe. Just Breathe. She looked up, convinced that she would look up and he would be gone. A figment of her imagination.  
  
And he was. There was only the sunlight shining through the doorway. She sighed. Maybe this was some weird form of engagement jitters?  
  
But then she felt a hand on her shoulder and saw him standing by her. It was Danny. Unmistakably Danny. There were the lips she had kissed a thousand times, the hands that she had held a million times. . . the eyes that she had stared into for hours. Tears reached her eyes. She didn't know what to think. He pulled her up and she leaned against the wall, terror lighting her eyes.  
  
"You're not Danny. You're dead. Danny's dead. He died years ago." She raised her hands, trying to ward him off.  
  
He grabbed his hands in hers. "I'm Danny. And I'm not dead."  
  
Suddenly she was angry. Why couldn't she just be happy? She had gotten over Danny and had found someone else. Someone who made her deliriously happy. Someone who knew everything about her, knew what she would think and feel about anything. . . someone who sent her five dozen roses for no reason other than love for her. This couldn't be happening. She was supposed to be Sydney Vaughn. She looked up at him again. Yes. Those were Danny's eyes. Her anger formed a ball in her stomach and she wrenched her hands away from him.  
  
"You're NOT Danny. Danny died. Danny's dead. Why are you here?. . . What are you trying to do to me?" Hot tears brimmed her eyes, blurring her vision. She slumped towards the floor again.  
  
Tears also formed in his eyes. "I'm just trying to come back to you. I've been trying to get back to you for years, Sydney."  
  
"No. No, you can't. You haven't. You're not here."  
  
He took her in his arms suddenly. "Yes I am. Can't you feel me? I'm right here."  
  
She wanted to drop kick him. But she couldn't. This was Danny. She shook her head. Crying. "No. You're not- you're not Danny."  
  
He suddenly lifted his head, looking at her. "I'm too late aren't I? You've left me. . . you gave up on me." He grabbed her left hand and looked at it, twisting the ring until the sparkling diamond came into view. "You gave up on me."  
  
Sydney shook her head, wanting to deny what he was saying. Until she realized what he was saying. "How was I supposed to stay with you? You were dead! I found you in the bathtub. There was blood everywhere. How the HELL was I supposed to stay true to you? You died. I had to move on."  
  
He turned his back to her. Then, in such a soft voice that she could barely hear it, he spoke. "You should know more than anyone how easy it is to fake a death."  
  
"Not that well. I SAW you. I saw your face."  
  
He turned back to her, anger filling his own eyes. "Did you? Did you really? How closely did you look at my face? Did you see the scar on my throat? Did you check the length of my hair or the exact color of my skin? Or did you just walk in, see somebody that looked like me and then all the blood? Did you see me? Or were you blinded by what you assumed you saw? Was it really me? Or was it everything put together that, as a whole, made you think it was me? What did you really see? Was it the man you loved or the blood that covered him?"  
  
Sydney's mouth dropped open. She didn't remember. She didn't remember at all. She thought back. "No. No, I kneeled in front of you. I cried on you. It was you."  
  
"It WASN'T me. It was a person who looked like me but it wasn't me. I'm not dead."  
  
"Why now? WHY NOW?"  
  
"Why not? Do you even know what I've been through these past couple of years Sydney?"  
  
She looked down. "I don't want to know."  
  
"At first I was tortured. They wanted to know how much you told me. They wanted to know how much you had figured out. And then they kept me. They wanted me for some future project. As a safety precaution. They were going to kill me but then they realized how much more valuable I would be alive."  
  
She felt the tears fall, splashing onto the ground below. "I'm sorry Danny." She couldn't say anything else.  
  
"Did you hear about the plane? The one that went missing?"  
  
Sydney looked up at him. "Lufthansa."  
  
"I was on that plane. And now I'm here. I was going to your apartment and I walked by the florist shop and heard someone say your name." He looked at the roses spread around the room. "I guess he got here. And I guess you found another unknowing, innocent son of a bitch to fall in love with you."  
  
Sydney slapped his cheek. "Don't say anything about a man you don't know. I don't know what happened to you but you've changed. You're not the Danny I fell in love with, you're not the one who proposed to me. He's still dead to me. And you. . . I don't know who you are." The words came out surprisingly easy. But she felt her heart grow heavier and heavier with each word. Danny had been her first love. And then he had died. And now he was standing in front of her. But he was warped; not the person he used to be.  
  
Her words had stung him. She knew that now. Softly she placed a hand on his cheek. "What happened to you Danny?"  
  
He looked up, his eyes still smoldering with a mixture of anger and sadness and. . . defeat? "What you're looking at. . ." he said. "Is someone who has had all the hope and love and joy drained out of him. Maybe I'm not the person I used to be. But I can be him again. And I want you in my life." He leaned towards her, trying to kiss her.  
  
She almost leaned in, drawn by chemistry and memories, but pulled back at the last minute. "Danny, I'll help you but I'm not engaged to you anymore. I'm engaged to someone else."  
  
He turned her towards him, voice slightly cracking. "Does he love you as much as I do? Does he take care of you? Does he sacrifice everything? Would he die for you? Because I did. I died over and over and over again for you."  
  
Sydney nodded, blinking back tears. "He does. He would do anything for me and I love him more than anything."  
  
He swore. "How the hell could you do this to me? Don't you realize that you were the only thing that kept me alive? Through all the torture, through all the questioning, your face was the only thing that kept me SANE. You left me. I can't believe you gave up on me so quickly."  
  
"Quickly? Danny I died the day you did! I was completely destroyed. It was my fault! IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. But I thought you were in the grave. You've changed. The Danny I knew would have wanted me to move on."  
  
"Only if he was dead."  
  
"He IS dead."  
  
"I'm RIGHT HERE." He grabbed her arms in a horribly tight grasp. "I loved you Sydney Bristow and I still love you and you can't run away from me this time. I never died and you were engaged to me first. I'm sorry I'm not the sweet man you remember but under the circumstances, I think you owe me something." He mashed his lips on top of hers.  
  
She struggled against him and finally gave in to her instincts, lifting a foot and sweeping it sideways. He fell heavily and took her with him. Banging her head against his, she picked herself up and ran for the door.  
  
Danny was dead. Danny was dead. Danny was dead. The words kept rolling around in her head as tears dropped from her eyes. She SAW him. He was in the bathtub. But had she looked closely enough? She wasn't sure of that anymore. She ran, breathing hard, feeling adrenaline pump through her system and bringing her legs forward despite her shaking body.  
  
Her hair flew around her face as she reached a pay phone and looked back, making sure he wasn't behind her.  
  
She never thought she would be running away from Danny.  
  
Shaking, she called Vaughn's number. She tried to stop her trembling fingers but couldn't.  
  
"Vaughn."  
  
"Michael. . . "  
  
"Sydney? Hi sweetie, how are you?"  
  
Then he could only hear her sobs, her harsh cries coming through the ear- piece of the phone. Only the gasping and wheezing of his fiancé as she caught her breath. Michael jumped up from his chair, suddenly scared. "Sydney? Are you okay? Where are you?"  
  
She couldn't speak. She just cried and cried and cried, moaning and hiccuping. Any attempt to control herself was forsaken and Michael heard her, wheezing and all.  
  
"Sydney? Baby, please tell me where you are! What's happening? Sydney?!" Vaughn felt a desperation he had never known before. His Sydney. . . something was really wrong. He had never seen -heard- her so upset before.  
  
Then there was only the sound of the dial tone. Vaughn looked at the phone in his hand, breathing hard as if he was the one running. He called his home number but there was no answer. What was he supposed to do? He paced his office, waiting, hoping, praying that Sydney would come to him. He couldn't lose her now. She needed him. Almost as much as he needed her.  
  
~:~  
  
Sydney didn't care about the looks and stares she got from people. The building was a few blocks away and she knew that she was almost at her breaking point but let her adrenaline take her the lost few blocks. Her legs were wobbling, dangerously unsteady when they hit the ground. The wind slapped at her face viciously as the hot tears kept dropping. She pushed through the doors, oblivious to anything or anyone except the way to Vaughn's office.  
  
Still slightly in control on herself, she twisted off her ring and slipped it in her pocket before reaching his office. She sighed. She was here. She was safe. She rested her head against the door for a moment before she slid to the ground next to it, sitting on the cold tile. And brought her knees to her face and cried softly, shaking like a leaf.  
  
~:~  
  
Michael shook his leg slightly, hardly able to concentrate on the meeting occurring in front of him. Where was Sydney? He looked at Kendall. His lips were moving but he couldn't make out the words. Full of nervous energy, He tapped his pencil on his paper until he saw the stares of the people around him. "Sorry," he said, apologetically.  
  
And that's when he heard the thump on his door. . . almost as if someone had thrown his or her body into it. And then he heard the soft cries from outside. Sydney.  
  
"Excuse me." He said hurriedly and walked to the door.  
  
And when he opened it, his breath caught in his throat.  
  
Sydney, his Sydney, was crumpled on the floor, hair mussed, eyes red, and throat sore from her sobs. He looked around suddenly and a thousand pair of eyes quickly looked down. He pulled her to him and took her in his embrace. She slumped in his arms.  
  
"Sydney? Honey, what's wrong?" He whispered in her ear. He knew that there would be questions later and their relationship would be in danger but he didn't give a damn right now. Besides, he as a handler was a confidante to his asset. It was expected. He turned his attention to her then.  
  
She slumped against him, letting him hold up all her weight.  
  
He smoothed the hair away from her face. She looked so tired. And scared. "Sydney?"  
  
She took a breath and hiccuped before trying again. "Danny. . ." she stopped, crying into his shoulder again.  
  
Vaughn was bewildered. Sydney had gotten over Danny years ago. . . or was she stuck on him again now that they were engaged? Was she getting jitters? He hugged her closer. "It's okay to think about Danny, Sydney. I know you loved him. It's okay. I'm not angry."  
  
She shook her head furiously though her face was still buried in the crook of his neck. "No," she whispered into his chin.  
  
"What is it?" He said tenderly, stroking her back. Damn the CIA. He didn't care anymore.  
  
"Danny's alive."  
  
Vaughn almost dropped her.  
  
:  
  
:  
  
:  
  
TBC  
  
Sorry about the longness of the chapter and sorry if it was kind of lame but I got really into it and here's what came out~  
  
REVIEW!!!!!  
  
-Jenn 


	21. In Total Silence

Hey guys, it's the chapter I think you guys have all been waiting for. It's not life changing or anything but there is a twist (yes there is another one) so I hope you enjoy it and review as always.  
  
But I have to thank some people who have been supporting me from the beginning and giving me the encouragement I needed to write this story and to keep it going.  
  
I don't know them personally but their many reviews made my day and proved that there are fanatics out there just like me who go on fanfiction.net every day and have chosen to add me to the list of stories they read and review.  
  
So, this chapter is dedicated to: Jade and Leslie - who started late and yet still reviewed EVERY SINGLE chapter Kyra - who left that long and kickass review Secret Agent Girl- who read from the beginning and never ever gave a bad review which gave me a huge boost to my self esteem~ Aeria- who somehow was nuts enough to read my fic out loud to her friends at her party and then review it too~ Cass- I just see your reviews every where I go and that makes me happy ( Ash - your name is just too cool and the fact that you give positive reviews doesn't hurt either. Dream Writer 4 Life- From your first review. I dunno, let's just say that you make me smile and that's always a good thing And to everyone else because I can't limit this list. I can't stop this list. I can't decide. I can't decide at all. This is just to everyone because I give up trying to narrow it down.  
  
Wow. this is a long list because I just want to include you all so I do.  
  
This is to all of you (obviously) and I hope you continue to read and support.  
  
I've taken enough of your time; here is Chapter 21.  
  
-Jenn  
  
21.  
  
Sydney found herself being seated in the cold metal chair across the table from Kendall, Jack, and Michael. Her vision was blurry and she could barely make out their faces.  
  
Michael. She could see Michael. Sitting across from her. She saw the look in his eyes; the look that told her that more than anything, he wanted to be on her side of the table comforting her.  
  
But he couldn't.  
  
"Agent Bristow, I realize that you are in shock and that this day has been tremendously taxing for you but please try to focus." Kendall's voice cut through the air and permeated Sydney's senses and she looked up at him.  
  
And reached deep down inside of herself to pull out the strength she knew was there somewhere.  
  
She took a deep breath and forced herself to look into Kendall's eyes. "I saw Danny today."  
  
Kendall looked at her strangely. "That is what I heard. Agent Vaughn informed us of that after you fainted."  
  
"I fainted?"  
  
She felt Vaughn brush her leg against hers and then keep it in contact with hers, giving her the only support he could. She reached into her pocket and slipped the ring on her finger under the table and twisted it around and around, trying to draw from it the stability and the love and the strength it had symbolized last night.  
  
"Yes. Now Agent Bristow, please tell me everything you can about this incident."  
  
"Yes sir. It was about 1:30 this afternoon and I had ordered Chinese food. The doorbell rang and when I opened the door, Danny was outside. He was just standing in the doorway and then came in and-" She paused, retaining her composure. "-he blamed me and accused me of giving up on him and for loving someone else."  
  
She stopped suddenly, looking up briefly to meet Vaughn's eyes with hers. She wasn't sure why she had said that.  
  
"Why would he say that?"  
  
She gulped. "I would suppose that it was because he had been tortured for the past two years and kept in confinement and the fact that I was traumatized at seeing him and didn't return his ardor seemed to reaffirm his beliefs."  
  
She saw Vaughn relax and then tense at her answer. She had always been a rather good liar. She had to be; how else would she be able to survive? But why was Vaughn tensing?  
  
He spoke next, measuring his words carefully. "Return his . . . ardor?" Though it was nearly imperceptible, Sydney felt the heaviness of his words and tone and she nearly burst into tears at the thought of causing Vaughn any hurt.  
  
But her father was next and, at Vaughn's words, he placed a hand on hers and leaned towards her until he was looking at her eyes. "Sydney, what did he do to you? What exactly do you mean by ardor? Did he r-"  
  
"NO." Sydney answered quickly. "He didn't rape me. He kissed me. And then he pulled me towards him and. . . I don't know what he would have done if I hadn't gone away but he didn't rape me."  
  
She was filled with confusion. Though it was true that Danny hadn't raped her, she was surprised by her own ardent desire to defend him. She felt Vaughn's leg move from beside hers as if uncertain of her feelings but, though it was a silly gesture, she moved her own so that the two legs were in contact again. It seemed to relax him and for that, she was grateful.  
  
Kendall turned to Jack. "What did you know about this?"  
  
Jack's eyes narrowed. "Do not presume that I had anything to do with this. I had believed Mr. Hecht to be dead. If he is truly alive, then it is merely because Sloane chose to keep me in the dark. For obvious reasons. If Sydney was supposed to be punished, keeping Danny alive would not be sufficient."  
  
"IF he is truly alive?" Sydney jumped up. "Why are you questioning me? He was there. He told me that his death had been faked. That the Danny I had found was someone who looked like him but wasn't him. He nearly pounded that fact into my head." She was crying now but didn't care anymore. He had been her fiancé dammit and that allowed her to get emotional. "He asked me if I had checked to see if the scar on his throat was there. If I had checked the exact color of his skin or the length of his hair!"  
  
She wiped her face and then slid once more to the floor, leaning against the wall. "And you know what? I didn't. I didn't do it. He was right. I just saw someone who looked like him and then all the blood.  
  
"It's all my fault." She laid her head on her head and shook from her silent sobs.  
  
Vaughn lurched up, ready to go and comfort her but Jack reached out his hand and stopped him.  
  
So the three men stayed sitting down in the white room, sitting on their metal chairs at the white desk, watching the sobbing woman on the other side of the room.  
  
In total silence.  
  
~:~  
  
He expertly shuffled through the papers and checked to make sure all of his intel was correct.  
  
The meeting was in an hour and he had just gotten the latest invention from Marshall to share with his crew. He could almost taste the victory already; he would reach a standing in the Alliance that could only be dreamed of.  
  
Putting his glasses on, he looked around the room quickly to make sure it was empty and locked before he allowed himself to open a drawer and take out a picture. Emily. His Emily.  
  
Killing her had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do. He had actually loved her. And, even more amazing, she had somehow managed to love him back even after finding out the truth.  
  
The knock at the door made him jump as he quickly replaced the picture. Unlocking the door by pushing a button from his desk, another invention of Marshall's, he cleared his throat. "Come in."  
  
Randy Dermott walked in. "Mr. Sloane, we have finally located a Mr. Daniel Hecht."  
  
Sloane sat up in his chair. "Sit down and tell me what you know."  
  
He did so. "One of our agents spotted him from the photograph image and tailed him as he was walking in the city, presumably towards the residence of Agent Bristow. However, he passed a florist's shop and then quickly turned and got into a rented vehicle, a '96 Toyota, and followed a blue van with the license plate of 3HJ92E5 to 243 N. Mead Lane.  
  
He was getting impatient. "And? Where is he now?"  
  
Randy cleared his throat. "There is something else you should know."  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
"When he rang the doorbell, a woman answered the door."  
  
Against all hope, Sloane hoped. He felt his throat slightly constrict; though he knew for certain that Emily was dead, a part of him still slightly expected the man sitting in front of him to tell him that Emily was once again alive; that she had defied death once more.  
  
"Who-" Sloane paused and mentally told himself that the woman would not be Emily; could not be Emily. "Who was the woman?"  
  
"Agent Bristow."  
  
Arvin Sloane was confused. Though he had understood everything that he had been told, he was yet to figure it out and match all the pieces together. "Agent. . . Sydney. . . Bristow?" He asked stupidly as if there were 40 female Agent Bristows.  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"And do you know why she was there? Is that where a friend lives? Is that a separate residence that she did not inform us about?" Sloane was starting to feel uneasy as he felt doubt crawling up his back. No. No, he told himself. He had tested Agent Bristow many times and she had always passed his tests with flying colors. She, like her father, had earned his trust a long time ago.  
  
"Right before Mr. Hecht rang the bell, the florist stopped at the residence and presented Agent Bristow with roses."  
  
"Roses?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And who were the roses from?"  
  
"I put Agent Randall on that and there was only a first name. Michael. However, we also checked out the name of the owner of the house and matched that to a Michael C. Vaughn."  
  
Sloane waved his hand impatiently. "So Agent Bristow has a boyfriend. I expect her to. She is a very attractive young woman. And I also understand why she would feel inclined to keep that piece of information about us private considering what happened, or what she believed happened, to Mr. Hecht himself."  
  
Randy leaned forward. "Sir, there is one last piece of information that is extremely important."  
  
Sloane raised an eyebrow. "All right, go on."  
  
"I think that you would very much like to know the occupation of Mr. Vaughn."  
  
Sloane had been planning on checking out this new romantic interest of Sydney's after Randy left but he supposed that he might as well know now. "I do? All right, what is it?"  
  
"Michael C. Vaughn works for the United States government. He is a member of the CIA."  
  
To be continued. So??? Fantastic/good/bad/god-awful???? REVIEW!!!!! (You guys do know that I get my inspiration from reviews right? When I don't, my self-esteem as well as my blood level goes down which actually effects the kinetic energy of my blood and I just can't do anything. I'm just like a giant, human veggie. . . Just kidding. But it is nice to get them so do it!  
  
After all, can you really afford to make me unhappy? ;)  
  
-Jenn 


	22. Truths

OMGOMGOMG!!! Can you guys believe what happened on Alias last Sunday because I can not get over it… seriously like was jumping up and down like a crazy madwoman.

And next week is the lover's mission…sigh I can't wait…Vaughn's shirt was all unbuttoned and everything…sigh~

Hey, you guys know what else is pretty cool? This chapter is now like a month and a couple days old? How exciting is that? It's like a birthday… okay, maybe it's only exciting to me but that's okay too.

Anyway; I think maybe I'll dedicate each chapter to like 5 people because then that's fun for me and I like to do things that are fun for me… and I won't be consumed by guilt for not dedicating this to everybody… so this is for donatellaMarks, Couch (I LOVED your review), Andi Horton, Samantha, and Martha Bigglesworth.

And sorry for the long wait but the computers at my house are going absolutely CRAZY! One of them has a screwed up Microsoft Work so I can't open any document, the other doesn't like to read my disk and just is really really mean, and the other keeps changing everything into mixed up Korean.

So~ that's my story that you guys didn't really want to know but do know (If you guys are actually reading this…)

Voila~ for your reading pleasure.

22. 

Vaughn clenched his jaw as he looked at Sydney; he wanted to go to her and comfort her any way he could but Jack's arm was still restraining him. What was wrong with him anyway? What kind of father would let his own daughter stay sobbing and not do anything to help?

Then again, what kind of fiancé would let his almost father-in-law stop him from comforting the woman he loved?

He would obviously.

So he sat in his seat, wishing that he could hold her and comfort her and make her stop crying. But not really being able to do anything about it.

The silence was deafening. And time moved so slowly that Vaughn was sure he could hear the pain peeling on the other side of the country. He supposed that Kendall and Jack could also and, after a few more minutes, heard Kendall clear his throat awkwardly and speak to Sydney again.

"Agent Bristow, I understand that you are feeling distressed right now but I really need you to verify this information so that we can begin trying to understand why SD-6 would want to keep Daniel Hecht and how he was able to escape. So, I will tell you what information I garnered during our conversation and you tell me if it is correct. All right?"

Her nod was almost imperceptible but Kendall saw the slight movement of the hair the fell across her face and took it for assent.

"Okay. So, you were at home because you did not have any SD-6 meetings until 3 o'clock correct?"

A slight nod.

"So then you proceeded to relax, watch a movie, order some Chinese food. Then around 12:30, the doorbell rang and you proceeded to open the door and, instead of Wong Boys, you found Danny standing in front of your apartment?"

She began to nod but then froze.

She had completely forgotten one aspect. One very, very important aspect.

_". . . Standing in front of your apartment?"_

_". . . your apartment?"_

She looked up quickly, meeting Vaughn's eyes immediately and, for once, ignored the magnetic and electrical attraction that always surged through her when their eyes met.  

Vaughn knew what question was in her eyes before he even looked up to meet them. He knew she was asking him what she should say and the truth was, he didn't have an answer. This wasn't simple; wasn't like the decision to touch his leg with hers.

Because this one involved a serious consequence.

It was time to decide. Which was more important? Their relationship or the chance to catch Danny and see what he knew and who he was connected with. Could letting Danny go help SD-6?

What were their priorities?

He saw her looking at him, her stare piercing through the hair that was everywhere in front of her face and on her shoulders and flowing over her arms, damp where the tears had hit.

She needed an answer, a suggestion, an affirmation.

But he had nothing to give.

~:~

Jack Bristow, if nothing else, was a father and, though he admitted that he was not a supremely good one, still had some of fatherhood's inherent instincts.

And, even if Kendall didn't see the electricity and tension that suddenly came into the room when Vaughn met Sydney's gaze, he could.

And he knew that it was not a good thing. More than anything, it could not be a good thing. And he knew suddenly what was wrong. The information. Sydney had left out a pivotal piece of information.

She hadn't been at her apartment. She had been somewhere she had no business being. 

~:~

"Are you certain?" Sloane could barely believe his ears. Believing that Emily was alive was one thing but believing that one of his best agents, and the daughter of one of his oldest friends, was staying at the residence of a CIA agent was preposterous. His mind was already running with ideas over what could have happened. 

Because more than anything, he wanted to believe in Sydney's innocence.

And he had a right to. After all, he had doubted her in the past and yet she had passed all of his tests with flying colors. With better scores than any other agent had gotten. She had earned his faith. And so, at least in his mind in the minute that he was silent, he gave it to her.

Perhaps she didn't know that he was a CIA agent. Or perhaps she, since she believed herself to be one, had never felt the need to share this information or maybe even never have had the cause to doubt his word. He was, after all, like a grandfather to her and, even after what had happened with Daniel Hecht, she had found it in her heart to forgive him and continue working for him. 

She had to love him to do that.

But then he told himself to stop being an idiot. Thinking that she never ever doubted anything he said to her, considering her circumstances, was insulting her intelligence. 

He looked up and saw Randy's slightly scared gaze on him. He had been silent for too long.

"Tell me how you came to this conclusion."

Randy cleared his throat. He may have been scared of Mr. Sloane, and indeed he still was, but he had anticipated at least this question and had rehearsed it enough times to get it out without a glitch.

"The only thing that we aren't 100% sure about is whether or not the Michael who gave her roses is the same Michael Vaughn who owns the house. Besides that, we are absolutely positive.

"We checked on Mr. Vaughn's background and found an extremely vague profile and, in truth, that was what tipped us off in the first place. They are always either too vague or too detailed. Government Job. So, using several high profile programs along with researching electronic newspapers for articles and obituaries of any Vaughn within a 300-block radius of N. Mead Lane in the past 50 years, we narrowed the list down to 17.

"One of which was very interesting. Nearly thirty years ago, a William Vaughn was killed, also holding a very boring government job, leaving behind a wife and a small son. And I don't think that you need to think very hard to guess what the son's name was."

Sloane looked at him until he realized that Randy expected him to answer the "rhetorical" question. "Michael," he breathed.

"Yes. And, even though that may not have been enough by itself, we then came across a very interesting story. Not published but from the mouth of one of our own agents. Agent Mindy Parker. It turns out that her family and the Vaughn family have been friends for years, the mothers especially close. 

"Because of their friendship, Mrs. Vaughn lowered her guard and told her that her husband, in reality, worked for the CIA."

Sloane looked at him with steely eyes. "You should know better than to go by word of mouth Mr. Dermott."

Flushing furiously, Randy continued. "But it was a lead. One that we had to follow. And it was a good thing we did too because, after hacking into the CIA directory, we found a listing for William Vaughn. And right above it, we made another startling discovery. His son: Michael C. Vaughn. The picture was identified by Agent Parker."

"Yet this could be another Michael C. Vaughn."

Randy looked at the man sitting in front of him. He knew that his information was not faulty. And even though there was a chance that the two Michael Vaughns did not match, the odds were very very low. "Sir, the age range, residence, and the names match."

"Was there an address listed on that directory, Mr. Dermott?"

"No sir."

"All right then. Thank you for your time." He made a motion with his hand towards the door as he picked up the phone.

Randy Dermott could not get out of the office fast enough.

He even forgot to ask about what to do with the Hecht situation.

Sloane waited until the door was closed before speaking into the phone. "I need to see Agent Sydney Bristow right now."

~:~

He sat on the bench, forgetting for a moment how relaxing it was to just sit. To relish every moment, to love the freedom of taking a step. Or to love someone.

He tossed a few crumbs at the pigeons that were apparently keeping him company. A mindless thing to do really. He had never understood the allure of feeding birds in a park. But he did now. Like he thought, it was a mindless thing to do. But it was something to do and it was easy and it gave him time to think.

Was it really worth it to love someone who doesn't love you back? 

He knew that he had changed; that he was no longer the sweet doctor that he had been. But he wasn't lying when he had said that he could be that doctor once more. He knew that he could. But he did need her help. And he did love her. 

And he wasn't lying when he said that she was the only thing keeping him sane either. That was true. The memory of her laugh or smile or even just the picture of her face was enough to lead him through the pain and to the next day.

If only he could have explained it better.

If only she would understand.

He could understand himself perfectly. And she had always been smarter than he was.

And that's when he felt the rage again. The same rage that had caused her to grab her and to kiss her. The person inside that he despised, finally finding a way to get out.

He didn't have to be a victim again. How could she love someone she had known for maybe a year more than she had loved him? They had dated for years before he proposed; how long had she mourned him after he died to her? How long had she kept him in her memory?

He could understand her dating again. But to promise to spend the rest of her life with another man. . . that drove him crazy.

He stood up suddenly. 

No. No, he didn't love her. He couldn't love her. He wouldn't love her.

She was nothing to him.

He crossed the street with this resolve, the knowledge that he had the willpower to defeat love.

But it crumbled as soon as he reached the other side. The adrenaline from merely making that decision wore off and he was himself again. Alone again.

Of course it was worth it to love her.

Absolutely worth it.

TBC. . . 

SO?????? Whaddaya think????? Review!~~~

(You guys are so super at reviewing I don't even know why I'm reminding you anymore but keep on doing it!!!)

I know this one was really long too and I apologize. . .  except to the people who like long chapters.

Okay… sorry it took so long but I had to retype it because my disk was going crazy and then ff.net shut down… it was ugly.

Take care~

-Jenn


	23. Sloane 911

**An Undefinable Sweetness**

_My new tradition: Dedications~_

_To:             cvcarlson (you are too sweet...thank you for your kind words)_

_            Breezy Walsh (wow... You sacrificed your break to read my story? I'm honored ;) )_

_            snowangel (love your enthusiasm for every chapter)_

_            Kimmers (You read EVERYTHING and then you review it too...)_

_Colly E.__ (love your reviews...especially that one time when you sent me 11 of the same one ;) )_****

**23.**

Kendall was getting impatient. "Agent Bristow? Do you plan on having an answer for us any time soon? I realize that you are undergoing personal problems right now but we really need to verify this information."

Sydney slowly dragged herself up and placed her hands on the table, leaning towards Kendall until their faces were mere inches apart. 

"Don't trivialize my problems just because they aren't yours. I'm sorry if I'm not acting the way you want me too but you're right. I _am_ undergoing personal problems. And the term, I assure you is _not_ being used lightly. It's not like I lost a pair of underwear or my dog died. My dead fiancé showed up on my doorstep today, Agent Kendall."

He hesitated but then looked down at his paper. "So he was at your apartment. On your doorstep, correct?"

Sydney looked at him, unsure of the words that were about to come out of her mouth. 

"I-"

Her pager went off.

Turning from them, she looked at the name.

_Sloane - 911_

She didn't remember the last time she had felt so happy to be paged. By Sloane, of all people.

"I have to go. It's Sloane. 911."

Kendall looked at her strangely but then nodded his assent and watched her leave.

~:~

Michael twiddled his thumbs. Yes, he _twiddled _them. That's how uncomfortable he was sitting between Jack Bristow and Kendall.

He had to admit that he had been relieved that Sydney had been paged. He had never felt more uncomfortable in his life and he hadn't even been the one that was questioned.

Suddenly, he had a thought. Standing up, he walked towards the door. "Excuse me," he said as he left.

Getting into his car, he turned on the ignition and drove home.

The door was closed. And locked. And despite himself, he started to feel a little doubt. 

No.

He wouldn't let himself doubt Sydney's word. Why the hell would she make up seeing Danny? It didn't make sense.

Everything in the room was fine; nothing was undisturbed. And roses were everywhere.

He smiled a little, not believing that the roses had arrived just this morning.

When everything had still been perfect.

A cursory glance showed that nothing was amiss but he knew that he had to look closer. So that he could believe Sydney and so that he could erase any evidence.

And that's when he saw it.

Roses, at least ten of them, had been ripped, cut, slashed to pieces, the scissors still lying next to the pile. And next to it, he saw white.

Squatting to the ground, Vaughn picked up the piece of paper merely labeled, _Sydney_.

Should he read it? He hesitated and then put it in his pocket. He could give it to her later.

But he felt it lying there, growing heavier by the minute, never letting him forget what he held in his possession. A letter to Sydney. From her former fiancé. He had died... did Sydney still love him? 

And so, out of fear, he found himself opening it.

_Sydney,_

_I'm sorry I scared you. Well I wasn't sorry at the time but I am now. When I came to and I saw that you had left, I didn't know what to think._

_And then I grew angry and I took it out on these roses. Roses from the man you claim would do anything for you. The man you claim loves you more than anything._

_And then I realized how stupid I was being._

_I wasn't lying when I said I loved you. I'm sorry that I died and that you found someone new to share your life with but I have to ask you one more time._

_Did you really stop loving me? And do you really love him more?_

_Would he sing for you?_

_Would he die for you?_

_I would._

_I did._

_And I still love you._

_Danny._

Vaughn had to admit that the letter was beautiful. But it was only beautiful in a slightly creepy way. It was scary to receive letters from people telling you about their undying love but even scarier to read that they had died for you and then had been resurrected.

Yes, he did feel sorry for him. But he was still more frightened that maybe, Sydney would too. And that maybe, she would be torn about her decision to marry Vaughn. After all, she had only been officially his for 2 days. 

She had dated Danny for 2 years. And had been still technically engaged to him for much longer.

That's why he found himself slowly crumpling the letter. He didn't want it to be seen. He wanted it to disappear.

~:~

Sydney walked into Sloane's office, looking slightly haggard but otherwise her usual self.

Sloane looked at her kindly, giving her a grandfatherly smile that Sydney was sure he practiced at home. "I heard what happened."

She didn't have to fake the tears that fell. "I-" 

"I-thought you killed him."

Sloane looked away. "I wanted you to believe that there were... certain consequences for your behavior. But I couldn't kill Mr. Hecht."

"Why not?" Sydney was surprised at the rage in her voice. It was almost as if she was angry that he was not dead. And in a way, she was. She had made her peace years ago. She had moved on. And now, the link to her past was back again and was trying to take her back.

"The reason does not concern you."

She looked at him directly, her eyes hardening. "Bull."

"Excuse me?"

"Bull. Shit. How dare you say that the reason you didn't kill my fiancé doesn't concern me? You ruined my life, made me build it back up from the shattered pieces, and just when everything fits again, my dead boyfriend shows up at my door."

"At _your_ door?"

Sydney stiffened. Had she walked away from one interrogation to walk into another?

"Yes." She said slowly. "My door."

"Agent Bristow, I never intended you to find out that Mr. Hecht was not dead."

"But I _did_ and I want to know why he was spared."

"And yet the only thing you want to know, I cannot give."

Sydney had to bite her tongue to stop the words that settled on the tip of her tongue. "Go to hell" seemed to be the most lenient of them.

Sloane got up and sat at the edge of his desk. "Now Miss Bristow, I have a question of my own."

Sydney looked at him warily. "And what would that be?"

"I would think that, after getting over the initial shock of seeing Danny, you would be happy that he was alive."

She didn't answer; merely sat there with her crossed hands in her lap, looking at Sloane without saying a word. Waiting for him to continue.

"And I have to wonder, why is that? Could it be that you don't love him anymore? And if that is the case, the new question is why? And I believe that the answer to that is that you've found someone else."

Sydney looked up at him sharply. Whatever she had been expecting, she hadn't been expecting that. Did he know about Vaughn?

She felt her heart constrict within her chest. God no. Please no. Leave Michael alone. Please.

"Someone else?" She feigned innocence. She was good at that.

Sloane clenched his teeth for a moment before speaking again. _Remain the comforting figure. Do not let her sense anger or resentment. She is fragile. Worm the information out of her slowly. She will crack._****

"So there isn't anyone else?" He gave another kindly smile.

"No." 

"Pray tell, where were you this morning Sydney?"

She measured her words carefully. "Why do you want to know?"

Sloane couldn't take it anymore. He needed a direct answer so he would obviously have to ask a direct question. 

"Sydney, who is Michael Vaughn?"

**TBC...**

**AND? Tell me what you think... what should I fix, change, do...**

**Review review review **

**(see, i can rhyme too ;) )**

**Wow... The chapters just keep getting longer and longer... Which is probably why I felt the need to write a lot of really short fics all of the sudden. (Hope you guys didn't mind the barrage of stories that took place of the AUS updates...)**

**~Jenn**


	24. Lies

Is it just me or does anyone else think that it is kind of weird that SD-6 was able to hack into the CIA directory and find out about Vaughn _right _after I wrote about that almost-same scenario???

I think JJ's surfing the nets and taking ideas ;) just kidding.

P.S. **This chapter is really long... Therefore, I'm expecting more reviews :) **

TO: _Kate... Your review was just too awesome to not mention_

Precious Jewelle... Thanks for reading and reviewing and getting caught up even though you started late.

RPGirl17... You were the first person to review my story (before i had to repost it) and it's nice to know that you were there at the beginning.

Sk8er Chick... Thanks for all those times you reassured me by telling me I wasn't a nerd and for also always encouraging and giving kind words.

Blonde-chica your reviews are too nice and I'm glad that you like the story and are reading my other ones too (I'm obsessed with him too, don't worry it's easy to be)

Secret Agent Girl I know I dedicated a chapter to you already but your review was SOOO funny that I couldn't let it go lol I would die if I saw you doing the flailing-arm-Kermit-dance lol, you are the best Jenn-junkie anyone could ask for ;)

Isabel thanks for the e-mail definitely made my day a little better.

Lastly; I wanted to thank everyone who has been reading this (longer than expected) story. I know that I'm not an extremely gifted writer who packs emotion in and is able to write extremely long chapters that are so so so good... The two that come to mind are Rhonda and Andi Horton... But you guys have really made me feel good about my writing so thanks.

Here's 24. (Wow... 24... How long is this thing going to be?????)

****

24.

Sydney looked up. "I'm sorry?"

"I said, who exactly is Michael Vaughn?"

She laughed a little, looking down quickly before meeting Sloane's eyes. "Michael Vaughn?"

He nodded, wondering what her reactions meant. She acted like she either didn't know what the hell he was talking about or couldn't believe what he was asking her.

"What, are you following _me _now?"

"Just answer the question."

"He's a friend that I haven't seen in years. Why are you asking?"

"Because we traced Daniel Hecht and found him. And you. At Mr. Vaughn's residence."

Sydney had to stop herself from taking in a sharp breath. How had everyone suddenly found out? Against her instincts, she found herself blaming Danny.

__

Everything had been perfect until you came and messed everything up. Yes, I did love you but I HAVE moved on and you aren't in my future. So stop trying to ruin my life.

"Yeah, I was there last night. I'm sorry but I don't see the relevance of this conversation. I thought we were talking about how Danny seems to be alive and walking around?" 

Though her tears had long since dried, she procured some more. "Is this some twisted game? Why are you doing this to me? Have I done something wrong?"

Sloane paused, not sure what was happening. The Michael Vaughn situation had been dismissed without even a thought though he himself had believed it to be the most important issue. But he reminded himself that he had known that Daniel Hecht was alive when Sydney herself had not. Of course it would be a shock.

Unless she _wanted_ him to think that it was unimportant. He had learned not to underestimate her brainpower. She was most definitely not stupid. Not even close.

"Of course not Sydney. But you have to understand that I was considerably shocked that you were at another man's house. I had no idea that you had another boyfriend."

In an almost genuine burst of anger, Sydney leaped up, swiping the papers from him desk as she leaned forward, breathing hard. "How _dare _you? He isn't my boyfriend and even if he was, I do _not_ have to clue you in on every single detail of my private life. I LOVED Danny. And you destroyed him. How dare you presume that I don't love him anymore or that I would sleep with another man and that, even if I did, I would report to you? You haven't given me a lot to put my faith into.

"You said that you presumed that I had found someone else because _what?_ Because after I had gotten over the _initial shock_, i wasn't overjoyed that he had come back from the dead?

"I saw him an HOUR ago. I wouldn't assume anything. And I certainly wouldn't say that a mere 60 minutes would be enough to cope with the fact that the bloody man in the bathtub that I cried over nearly two years ago wasn't my fiancé. That he had been alive all this time.

"That I would forget all the tears I shed. The pain I endured. The _self-hate_ that I carried around everywhere I went for months. His death had been _my_ fault. And even though he is alive, it doesn't change that fact. 

"I might appear to have healed but I haven't. You want the truth? You want the absolute truth?"

Sloane was surprised at this outburst but carefully contained it. He was reminded of the night when Sydney had found Danny in the bathtub and had stormed into his office and attacked him. He had genuinely been scared of her then.

But not even then had she displayed this... rawness. Her eyes were puffy and the tears were streaming down her cheeks though they seemed only to enhance her strength rather than diminish it.

Her face was dangerously close to his. "Well? Do you?"

Sloane nodded, a slight tilt of his head that was barely noticeable. But Sydney was so high on adrenaline that she could have seen it if he had moved a hair on his head.

And braced herself for the biggest lie she would ever have to say.

"Let me say this slowly so that you can digest this. For the _final_ time, I LOVED my fiancé. And I died the day he did. His death destroyed me. Utterly destroyed me. 

"I don't know how I was able to function because you killed me. You know you did. Killing Danny was like sticking a knife into my body and then twisting it around."

She paused and looked up, collecting her thoughts.

"And here's an idea. 

"I_ never stopped loving him._"

Sydney felt her whole body shake from her heavy breathing; her knuckles and fingers were white from how hard she had been holding onto the desk.

__

Forgive me Michael.

"And I didn't even know how dead I was until I saw him and felt _absolutely nothing_. You have destroyed my ability to love. The love _of my life_ came back to me and this time, I was dead. I have been dead."

All the energy left her; she felt as if she was going to fall over. Quickly, she grasped a chair and collapsed, leaning her head back as she silently let the tears flow.

Arvin didn't know how to react. "Sydney, I'm sorry about what had to happen. But surely you have to admit that you were the one who facilitated my actions. Had you not revealed your job, Daniel Hecht would never have been removed from your life."

__

And I never would have known who I was working for.

Sydney opened her eyes. "Then you should have done the job properly. You fucked up. He came back."

Sloane closed his eyes, losing his patience. "TELL ME ABOUT MICHAEL VAUGHN."

"Why?" Sydney shot back. "Why? Do you want to kill him too? Go ahead. Why don't you kill everybody? You have ultimate power; you're like God and we are all your puppets. We're all your fucking marionettes aren't we? Fine. Do it."

He wasn't God. Much as he would like to be, he wasn't. And truth was, he had never seen Agent Bristow this worked up about anything before. She had either given up on everything and really had snapped when Danny re-entered her life or it was all an act. To protect the person who really mattered. 

He had to know.

But would she go as far as to goad him to kill everyone? 

"No one is going to get killed, Sydney. I would appreciate your cooperation."

Sydney sighed wearily, her eyes dull when they looked back at him. "Fine. I'll play along. Michael Vaughn is a guy I met in high school. I met him through my friend Francie Calfo. We were close for awhile but lost touch."

Her voice was a heavy monotone, giving each syllable the same amount of stress as she droned on. 

"Francie mentioned that he was back in town to stay and I had to visit him. But surprises didn't work. He was with his girlfriend.

"Roses for _me_ did you say? Please. I haven't gotten roses in years."

She knew it was a crap story. But she was tired from her ranting and she couldn't think. She was sluggish.

Arvin arched an eyebrow. The story was plausible but barely so. There were still so many unanswered questions. But one of them had to be answered right now. 

"You were close you said? How close? How much do you know about him?"

Sydney looked at him, suspicion growing in her eyes. She let him see that. She knew that if she had been clueless, she would have been suspicious by now. And so she let it show. "I'm curious as to why you feel you are privy to this information. Yes we were close. But we never dated. Didn't I tell you that I was still... Never mind. You never answer any of my questions anyway.

"Okay. I'm cooperating. Michael's just an ordinary guy. He works in the music industry or something. Gets a crap salary. I think that that's where he met his girlfriend too."

"What were you doing in the house?"

"He was a mess. They had gotten into a fight and he had stormed out and I knocked on the door and she opened it and jumped to the worst possible conclusions. She left too. So I was standing there when the flowers arrived. That's it. Can I go?"

He sighed and agreed; it would take time to verify all this information. 

She got up, a little slowly as if she was being dragged down. She put her hand on the door but turned around.

"What's going to happen to Danny?"

Sloane looked up at her. "What do you mean?"

"What's going to happen to him? Are you going to re-murder him? Take him back as a captive? Or let him go?"

She sounded wistful at the last suggestion and looked down though not before Sloane saw the sudden light of happiness spread across Sydney's face at the thought.

He smiled at her, showing his kind grandfather side once more. "We'll see."

She nodded and walked out the door nearly collapsing with exhaustion.

__

I love you Michael I love you Michael I love you Michael.

It was true. She knew it was true. She loved Michael absolutely and with her entire heart. She was just afraid of the fact that she felt she had to remind herself of it.

As the door closed, Sloan's tightly held _expression relaxed. There were two possibilities. Either the whole scene had merely been a brilliantly played act or she _did_ still love Danny.

And if that was true, everything would be a piece of cake.

Could it be possible that her story was true? Could she really not know who Michael Vaughn really was?

It was time for a quick judgment call. 

Danny? Or Michael?

~:~

Sydney got into her car, slamming the door behind her and starting up the engine quickly; scared that if she lost the adrenaline that was coursing through her body, she would never be able to make it.

At the next stop sign, she opened her bag and took out three phones.

Red Phone Blue Phone Clear Phone

She carefully turned on the music and then picked up her clear one. Dialing the only number she had ever dialed on it, she waited.

"Hello?"

It felt so good to hear his voice.

"15 Loretto's Pizza?"

She heard the hesitation that came almost immediately after her words. 

And then he replied, speaking in a very low and uncertain voice. "Are you sure?"

"I'm famished. Absolutely starving."

"Wrong number."

She sighed and put the phone down. She now had 15 minutes to get to where she was going without being tailed.

Looking in the rearview mirror every couple of seconds, she raced; always in motion, always needing to do _something._ She needed to keep herself strong.

At least until someone was able to pick her up again.

~:~

"Elle Farlin."

The receptionist looked up at the young woman standing in front of her. She was pretty but it was clear that she had been crying and was close to shaking.

"Are you all right, Miss Farlin?"

"Elle Farlin please."

The receptionist nodded. "I'm sorry but the only room we have left is the adjoining one. It's on level 3. Please have a nice stay."

There was only a tiny "thank you" out of Elle's mouth before she headed up there. 

~:~

If Luke Guyson thought that Elle would come running into his arms crying, he was sorely mistaken.

As soon as he heard the door slamming in the other room, he felt his heart quicken and start doing somersaults as he mentally prepared himself to be a source of comfort.

But when the door opened, hard enough to almost hit him in the face, he didn't see a crying woman in need of help.

He saw Sydney. And then he didn't see anything. He felt her lips come to his with almost desperation. She was already trying to slip off his jacket and her own. 

Scared of what exactly she might be feeling, Vaughn gently caught her arms in his and lifted his face away from hers. 

"Syd?" He whispered softly.

"Do you love me?" The pleading note was obvious in her voice and Vaughn almost cried at the thought that Sydney had to ask him.

He traced her cheek with a finger and looked into the eyes that were looking so deeply into his own. "Of course I love you. I love you more than anything."

She kissed him again but this time it was softer, more full of meaning and Vaughn was slightly relieved. He hadn't known before Sydney Bristow that kisses could be complicated.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him to her, holding him so tight against her that he knew that she didn't need him to speak. Just needed him to be there.

After assuring herself that Vaughn was, indeed, in her arms, Sydney laid a head on his shoulder. And finally did start to really cry.

"Vaughn, I'm so sorry."

He brought a finger to her chin and lifted up her face. "Why?"

"I had to tell Sloane that I was still in love with Danny. That I had never stopped loving him and that I died that day he did. And I told him that I was at your house because we knew each other back in high school."

They sat together on the couch and Vaughn laid a cheek against hers. "I know that everything you tell Sloane is a lie. As long as you still love me I don't care."

He paused.

"You told Sloane that you were at my house?"

"He knew already. He knew everything. He didn't tell me he knew but he did. He was asking all these questions about you. So I had to make up a crap story about how I came to visit you and you and your girlfriend got into a fight and you stormed out and she did and I got stuck at the doorway when the flowers came."

"There is so much wrong with the story."

She sighed. "I know. There is a lot of stuff unaccounted for. Like why did I go inside after the flowers came? I think that I came inside because the flowers were for your girlfriend so I had to put them in the house."

"Okay."

"5 dozen is a big number."

"I wiped them clean. If they had had more, you would've gotten them."

He was expecting a little laugh from her. But instead, she looked at him, her eyes clouding.

"Vaughn, it hurts so much."

His heart broke for her. "I know sweetie, I'm so sorry."

She lay down on the couch now, staring blankly at the television that wasn't on.

After a slight hesitation, Michael determined that she needed him a lot more than she needed to be by herself.

Lying down behind her, he wrapped her protectively in his arms, feeling the same feeling he always felt when she moved herself to adjust to his body.

They always had fit together perfectly. Her head under his and their hands intertwined.

He kissed her hair. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

He was confused by her words. "I'm not the focus in this conversation."

She turned herself so that she was facing him. "I love you. You know that right?"

He smiled. "I know."

"But I loved Danny too. You know that too?"

"Yeah."

"I still love you. And I don't love him anymore. But that fact that I don't bothers me. I mean, I don't want to be in love with him because I love you so much but... I don't know. I think that I feel like since I don't love him anymore even though he was never dead, my love must not really mean anything."

"Your love means _everything_, Sydney."

She smiled through her tears. "You always know exactly what to say."

Vaughn thought about the crumpled letter in his coat pocket but pushed it out of his mind. And then he remembered he had taken the card from the roses too.

That was good. If Sloane came looking, they would find nothing contrary to Sydney's statement. 

"Syd, do I have to let the CIA know that they should change my profile to that of someone in the music industry?"

"No," she whispered. "Sloane already knows about you. What he doesn't know is if I know. I'm the one who's supposed to be in the dark. And to take the heat off of you, I swore my undying love to Danny. If he thinks that Danny is the one I love, it's more likely that they will capture_ him _again for future blackmail."

She said it surprisingly easily. Vaughn even felt a little confused as to why she didn't seem to have any emotion when speaking of this.

"Sydney, you do know that you're setting Danny up right?"

She looked down. "Yeah. But I'd rather lose him than lose you."

He pulled her closer to him and held her as she sobbed into his shoulder.

TBC...

Aren't you guys proud of me? I actually didn't end this chapter with a cliffhanger! How long as it been since I did that? Chapter 19?

Lol... habits die hard.

REVIEW!!!! I made this chapter really really really really long... You know I could have stopped it after Sloane and then it would have been a cliffhanger...oh so I DID use one...damn.

Anyway, you know I could have and then saved the S/V goodness for later. But I didn't so I expect to see reviews! Mountains of reviews! Like... 40 or 50! (Dare I hope for more?? No I dare not but if you feel the need to surprise me I would be ;) )

(That would make me soooooo happy...you don't even understand. If I got 40+ I would update **right away**) *hint hint* Otherwise, this might be the last update until the end of the month because finals are hell

Anyways, I hope you liked it, keep on reading/writing/reviewing~

-Jenn


	25. Love Story

You guys... I'm being totally and completely serious when I say that I have absolutely no idea when this story will end. Are you guys sure that you won't mind a super-long one?

_Dedications:_

sk8erboichick17

donatellaMarks

All the anonymous readers who don't sign their reviews ;)

KaZ

Untannasg

Okay… so you guys almost made it to 40… more like 33 but who's counting? Anyway, I got restless because the chapter was ready so here it is… it's short (especially compared to the other one) but here is it. Review anyway (especially the people that promised that they would ;) … I'm not a bitch I promise, I'm at least half-kidding.)

25.

Arvin Sloane picked up the phone. "Yes, I'm requesting immediate retrieval. I want him here by noon. Alive."

~:~

Vaughn opened his eyes first. Getting up carefully so he wouldn't wake Sydney, he gently replaced the blankets over her and lightly kissed her forehead before walking into the next room.

"Hello? Carlos? Yes. I need you on standby to pull the hotel security tape. All right thanks."

Putting his phone back on the table, he sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands, thinking.

What had Danny done to their perfect lives? Turned them completely upside down in the span of a day.

And what could happen still as a consequence? If SD-6 took Danny back and Sydney had to keep on pretending to love him... To what extent would she be willing to do that? And would there ever be a point where the line was blurred and Sydney found the Danny she had fallen in love with again?

He sighed and got up. There was no use worrying over it. Sydney loved him. And if she still had feelings left for Danny... Well, that was understandable.

But frankly, as engagements went, this one wasn't going as planned. He sighed, remembering last night; how Sydney had burst into tears again and again in and out of sleep. Even when they... he couldn't imagine how this was affecting her. And he couldn't even do anything to help her. All he had been able to do was kiss her tears away as they fell. 

He put on the coffee and walked back into the room. Sydney was sitting up, looking like some sort of exotic goddess wrapped up in the sheets. 

"I'm sorry."

Vaughn sat down on the bed. "Have you ever read or seen _Love Story_, Sydney?"

She tilted her head. "I've heard that theme song."

He laughed. "Who hasn't heard that theme song? I can't believe you've never seen it." 

"Why should I have seen it?"

"Never mind." He picked up his phone. "Are you feeling okay? Can you go to work today?"

Sydney looked up at him. "I don't think so."

Vaughn could still see the puffiness of her eyes and knew that she still had a lot of things to work out. He nodded at her.

"I think I'm just going to take the whole day off. Emotional distress." She paused. "I think you should take the day off too."

Vaughn looked at her, puzzled. "I can't do that. It would be too suspicious-looking. I mean, that would be the second time I missed work in-"

"Yes. I know. The second time you miss work in 3 months. It would completely tarnish your record and ruin the lives of everyone."

She grinned at him. "You're staying here with me. I'm going to rent _Love Story_ and we're going to watch it together."

Vaughn hesitated. "I have Carlos on standby to pull the hotel tapes."

"So keep him on standby."

"Sydney..."

"Vaughn. Please. Tell them anything. Tell them the truth if you want. But don't leave me alone. Not today."

He gulped. It was so incredibly difficult to say no to her. But he had to. Didn't he? 

Though the way that she put it, his attendance record wasn't as tarnished as he thought it would be in his mind. 

And so far, his only case had been the infiltration and destruction of SD-6 and without Sydney, he couldn't do anything anyway. 

Kendall, he knew, would have a load of paperwork waiting for him.

"I guess that it would be okay... But why would I miss work?"

"Umm... isn't the fact that you need a day off reason enough?"

"I'm not sure. Everyone works hard Syd."

"I know."

She closed her eyes, accepting it.

He sighed. He just couldn't deny her anything could he?

Schmuck.

Ahh… but a schmuck in love. And that made all the difference in the world.

Picking up the phone, he dialed. "Carlos? I'm going to need you to stay standby for the tapes a while longer... business is taking longer than usual. Thanks."

Hanging up, he looked at Sydney and smiled.

~:~

She was crying again but because it was because of the movie, it felt okay that she was. And she knew that Vaughn would know how she would feel. How it would be easier for her to let all her emotions out if there were some apparent reason for her to.

And then he had given it to her.

She kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

He rubbed her back as she closed her eyes; wanting to wake up from a bad dream and find herself back in bed the night after she was proposed to. It was strange to think that that had only been yesterday.

She wiped away the last of the tears. "Okay, I'm done crying and feeling sorry for myself. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me. I'm fine. Danny may be alive but he's a different person to me. So he might as well not exist right?" She looked up at him but wasn't sure how to interpret his expression. "I just... I just don't know what to do. I feel so helpless and I don't like feeling that I'm burdening you. I'm sorry I'm such a baby right now."

"Sydney don't you remember what I told you three months ago? I said that everyone has a point in their life when things don't go their way. And it is during those moments that they need someone the most. I promised you that I would be that person for you. And I'm not going to back out of it when you need me the most. And more importantly, I don't want to.

"And stop apologizing."

He grinned at her slowly. 

"_Love means never having to say you're sorry_."

Smiling slightly, she placed her hand in his and repeated the words back.

TBC...

Short chapter I know...

But finals are next week and this may be the last update until the end of the month.

I know that a lot of you guys will probably be in the same situation so I don't feel as bad... You probably won't be that deprived.

Umm... How was it? I'm not sure if I like it. 

Is the pace too slow? I know that it has slowed a bit but it that a good or bad thing? Let me know.

I know… it's soooo long. I'm sorry. I know basically how it's going to end and what major steps I'm going to take but getting to the steps is taking so long and my pace keeps getting slower and slower and for that I apologize. But hey, if you've read this much, it must mean that you love this story right? And love means never having to say you're sorry. ;)

Review and good luck!

-Jenn


	26. Life's but a Walking Shadow

You guys… I met the HOTTEST guy the other day… and he was even hotter because he was nice and he could sing like no other… (Yes I go for guys with voices). Anyway… he was a part of the Stanford Mendicants and he had a solo and I was basically swooning in my chair because of the afore-mentioned weakness of mine. 

So, he's a lot older than I am but it's not like anything is going to happen anyway so I can dream right? Like I do with Michael Vartan… J

Damn he was hot… I'm listening to the CD right now. New favorite song: Two Princes.

Back to my story:

Who am I trying to kid? My updates may come with bigger waits in betwen but they'll come... maybe even faster because the only thing I want to do when I give myself a break is write and when I write, I have to update or I feel weird.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN SLACK ON THE REVIEWS!!!!!

Because I love them and they give me inspiration.

To: 

All the people who reviewed my last two chapters.

_Dream Writer 4 Life__- you know it already but I truly value your reviews and all your insight and comments on all my stories. It's nice to know that you read everything and then feel the need to tell me how you feel about what I write too. Thanks for all your kind words, constructive criticisms, and e-mails._

_ _

_And here is 26._

_ _

26.

Daniel Hecht walked past the flower shop, peering at the roses that peeked out from the corner; seducing him, trying to get him to come into the store.

It was as if they were speaking to him. _Buy me. Buy me!_ He shook his head. Maybe the torture had affected him more than he thought.

But he stopped himself again. He wouldn't allow himself to think about the torture. Those were times he never wanted to live through again.

Strange though, how he wasn't sure that this life was so much better. Looking at the roses only reminded him of Sydney. Which would have been delightful if she loved him back.

But he could only think about the roses that had covered the room; filling the entire space with their sweet scent and color. He loved her that much too. He would do that too. But she wouldn't let him.

She had already let him go.

So he walked past the store; past the beckoning flowers that still called out to him as he walked away.

_I have no one to buy them for._

And against his will, he felt his rage growing once more.

She was dead to him. He could control himself. He didn't have to be a slave to love; there was no such thing as love.

No such thing. It had died when he did; died when Sydney had turned her back on him; died the minute the door had opened and she had nearly screamed at the sight of him.

God, he wished it was alive though.

_She should have died hereafter. _

_ _

_There would have been a time for such a word._

_ _

_Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow _

_ _

_Creeps in this petty pace from day to day_

_ _

_To the last syllable of recorded time._

_ _

_And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death._

_ _

_Out, out brief candle!_

_ _

_Life's but a walking shadow,a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage_

_ _

_And then is heard no more._

_ _

_It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury_

_ _

_Signifying nothing._

_ _

What was that? Shakespeare? That's right. William Shakespeare, Macbeth Act 5.

Profound guy that Shakespeare.

Sydney had loved that passage; had memorized it in seconds and then recited it to him, her eyes even tearing a bit as she told him how beautiful it was. 

He had told her that it was as beautiful as she was.

And she had laughed and kissed him.

What an idiot. What an idiot's tale. Life was indeed a tale told by an idiot. It was full of sound and fury but, in the end, Shakespeare was right.

It signified nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

But even that desolation and sudden epiphany didn't keep him from shouting in surprise and fear as he felt himself being suddenly grabbed and pulled into a parked car in the street.

Hands roughly grabbed him, pulling his hands behind his back while another pair got the shot ready.

He felt the undeniable feeling of cold steel against his neck and he stopped stuggling. He had felt the force of that gun slamming across his head too many times to count.

He started babbling again; he had always babbled at this moment. This suspended second in time when everything stopped and the only thing that he could see was the slow spurting of the clear yellow drops erupting from the end of the needle.

And though he fought furiously against what he knew would happen next, Sydney's face popped in front of his eyes again anyway, lips gently smiling as her eyes twinkled with laughter.

Silently giving him strength and sanity.

And then it exploded as another broke through it.

The face lowered itself until it was a mere inches above his own.

"You have been a very bad boy."

And then he felt the familiar fire rage through his veins, coursing through his system and grappling with his heart. And then he felt nothing.

~:~

Vaughn smiled as he heard Sydney step beside him, the door gently closing as she rested her head on his shoulder. "Sydney, can't you see I'm shaving?"

A slow grin grew across her face. "I'm sure I saw more than that a few minutes ago when you were in the shower."

Vaughnblushed hotly but stoicly kept his own and attempted to change the subject. "Well, your mood has certainly gotten a lot lighter since yesterday."

She grew more serious. "You do that to me. You make me happy."

He grinned. He loved getting compliments.

"Don't think I don't know what that look on your face means."

Vaughn raised his eyebrows. "I don't know what you're talking about. My mind is completely and totally blank at the moment."

He felt the breath of her soft chuckle on his neck and shivered slightly. "Really? Because I thought you were gloating and telling yourself how much you love getting compliments."

He turned towards her, razor still in hand. "Wrong."

Sydney raised her own eyebrows, a slightly puzzled expression on her face. "Really? Pray tell then Mr. Vaughn. What exactly were you thinking about?"

"Kissing you."

She rolled her eyes. "You are such a cornball did you know th-"

He shut her up with a method she wasn't really opposed to.

Except for the fact that she now had shaving cream on her face.

She burst out laughing but stopped at the sudden exulted look on his face.

"What's so great?"

"You're laughing. I just realized I haven't heard you laugh since yesterday morning. I didn't know how much I missed it until I heard it just now."

She shook her head. "See? See what you do to me? You go ahead and say things like that and then I can't even pretend to be mad at you anymore for messing up my face."

He grinned. "Your face isn't messed up. Besides, isn't that a good thing? Then we'll never fight."

"True."

She wiped out the shaving cream with a finger and then transferred it onto Vaughn's shoulder.

"Syd! I just took a shower."

"I know. Now you're dirty again. I guess you'll just have to take another one."

"With you watching I suppose."

"Of course. I might even feel inclined to join you."

He shook his head at her and smiled. "I can't believe I'm going to marry you."

Sydney stiffened as she was suddenly blown into a memory.

_"What are you doing?"_

_ _

_"Will you please stand up?"_

_ _

_..._

_ _

_"Remember the loud guy? At the lounge?"_

_ _

_"Oh no..."_

_ _

_"BUILD ME UP! BUTTERCUP BABY THEN YOU BRING ME DOWN AND MESS ME AROUND AND THEN WORST OF ALL YOU NEVER CALL BABY WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL. BUT I LOVE YOU STILL..."_

_ _

_..._

_ _

_Danny traced the freckles that were splattered all over her back as she lay beside him, reading a book. _

_ _

_"I can't believe I'm going to marry you."_

_ _

_She turned from her book, looking at him curiously. "Why is it so hard to believe?"_

_ _

_"Just because... Well, look at you. And then look at me."_

_ _

_"What am I supposed to be seeing?"_

_ _

_"The fact that I love you."_

_ _

_"Oh, is that it? That's obvious."_

_ _

_"I know. The amazing part is that you love me back."_

_ _

_She smiled and pecked him on the cheek. "I will always love you. But leave me alone right now, I'm trying to read."_

_ _

She shook her head, banishing the memory from her mind. She would have loved Danny forever but he left her.

Maybe not intentionally but leaving was leaving.

Though was she creating a double standard for herself? For hadn't she left him as well, intentional or not?

It didn't matter. Who left who and why was not relevant. 

There was only one thing that was relevant.

And he was standing right in front of her.

"Syd? Are you okay? You went into kind of a daze."

"No. No... I'm fine. I promise. I just got a little dizzy, that's all." She smiled wanly at him and exited the bathroom, letting her head clear away from the steam.

_Leave me alone. Danny. Please just let me be with Michael. No more memories._

_ _

Vaughn came out of the shower, a puzzled look on his face as he watched her sit on the couch and stare out the window. He wasn't sure of what had just happened.

She had been fine a moment ago.

He wrapped the towel(!) more securely around himself and walked slowly over to her, still judging how much he could help her.

And that's when his pager went off.

Checking the number, he cursed quietly and looked quickly at Sydney before turning to the phone.

"This is Agent Vaughn."

"Vaughn get your ass over here right now. We have a situation."

TBC...

_REVIEW!!!___


	27. Situation

27. Situation

Lisa~ No I don't watch General Hospital but that is really weird that that happened… my only explanation is that great minds think alike. :)

Lyncee~ your plan won't work… you can only send one review per chap supposedly… :) lol… back to the drawing board…

Lynn~ thanks for all your reviews, it's always nice to hear enthusiastic words… 

_Alias-syd-vaughn~ trust me; everything will turn out._

_H-a.k.a.-VartanLover~ I love Vaughn too_

_This is me~ don't worry… I love people who get review crazy_

_Melissa~ You are ABSOLUTELY crazy to stay up until 4 am to read my fic… but I love that about you… thanks for your dedication._

_Also thanks to all the people who just started reading my fic _

_Here it is._

_***_

"Vaughn, they have Daniel Hecht."

"What?" Vaughn almost groaned from the barrage of problems that had erupted within the last two days. "What can they possible want from him?"

Jack narrowed his eyes. "I think we need to talk."

And Michael had to admit he was intimidated. Absolutely terrified of his fiancé's father. Following him into his office, he sat on his desk as Jack closed the door. "Don't think that I don't know what's going on between you and my daughter, Agent Vaughn."

Despite himself, Vaughn felt his eyes grow a little bigger. "What? I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"Whatever else you do in your life Agent Vaughn, there is one lesson you would do well to learn. Never underestimate the intelligence of anyone who has the leverage to use it against you."

"And do you?"

"I saw what happened between you two in the interrogation room. She was at _your_ house when Danny came and found her wasn't she?"

Vaughn hesitated but decided that this would be the time to come clean and start off on a relatively good footing with Sydney's father. "Yes."

"And, though I am sure I will regret this question, why was she there?"

Michael lifted his head. "Your daughter and I are engaged."

Jack couldn't help but be thrown off. But he knew better than anyone how to hide his inner emotions. "How long have you two been in a relationship?"

"A little more than three months formally. But I think that we have both loved each other for almost the entire two years we have been working together."

Jack narrowed his eyes. "Three months and you propose to my daughter? For a _three month-relationship_, you breach all protocol and put the lives of my daughter _and_ yourself _and_ even my own at risk? And then she spends the night at your HOUSE?"

Vaughn got up. "Jack, Agent Bristow, we have taken every precaution. I assure you that no one knew of our transgressions. You didn't even know."

He had to restrain himself from strangling the man standing in front of him. "What did I tell you before? **Never underestimate the enemy**. Nothing happened? No one knows? I beg you to review the facts once more. SD-6 has Daniel Hecht IN THEIR POSSESSION. He saw Sydney at your place and I assume that another reason he attempted to rape, yes _rape_, her is because he saw that she was _engaged_ to someone else. And if asked and he knows that Sydney does not love him like she alleged she still did-"

Jack stopped at the frozen look of shock that suddenly came over Vaughn's face, suddenly weary. "Sloane called me in to verify Sydney's statement. His men tailed Mr. Hecht to your house. They hacked into directory and found out that you're CIA."

He paused, waiting for a reaction. "Though according to your face, you knew that already. Am I correct in assuming that you were with my daughter when I called you over here?"

Vaughn was nearly frozen with fear as realization swept over him. _Danny could ruin everything._ He nodded.

Jack laughed to himself though nothing was funny. "You are so naïve. You have signed your own death warrant along with Sydney's and my own."

"NO. There _has_ to be a way. There has to be a way to stop this. And I know you know what it is. I don't know what you are looking for me to say but I will not tell you that I regret seeing your daughter. I love her and I will do _anything_ to keep her safe."

Jack looked at Vaughn sharply, his eyes steely and hard. "_Anything_?"

Vaughn nodded. "_Anything._"

Jack nodded. "Then you have to give her up. Prove your love by giving her up."

Vaughn shook his head. "No. No, I _just_ found her. I cannot give her up. I don't even think I can _live_ without her. I will do anything but that, Jack, I can-"

Jack put a hand on Vaughn's shoulder and he stopped in mid-sentence. There was a different look in Jack's eyes. A… _fatherly_ look?

"Listen to me. Despite anything I might say, I think that you are a fine handler. I think that you are intelligent, dedicated, and I can even attest to the fact that perhaps your skills have been enhanced by your feelings for my daughter. I know that I do not give out compliments easily so this is high praise. But you have to understand that I love my daughter. Do you understand that?"

Vaughn nodded, lips held tightly together.

"And you love her too."

Michael's voice was small. "With all my heart."

"Then you have to listen to me. I will be happy to have my daughter have you. 

"But for this to work, you have to do _exactly_ as I say. Do you understand me?"

He nodded again, willing to do anything. 

For them.

"Yes sir."

TBC…

REVIEW~

**Don't worry… nothing can stop the S/V ship so STOP STRESSING!**

**~Jenn**


	28. Two Princes

28. Two Princes

**NOTE!!!: I know you guys are going to hate me after this chapter so I BEG you to read the author's note at the end… it should explain a few things and reassure any of you that get S/V paranoid. This was the lesser of two evils. Trust me, it was.**

To everyone who wished me luck with my finals… I'm being so bad writing instead of studying but oh well…

Lyrics from 'Two Princes' by the Spin Doctors (arranged and sung by the Stanford Mendicants with Ben Bodnar as the soloist) I LOVE THE MENDICANTS!!! Especially the hot one that I mentioned in Chapter 26…

_Here it is…_

_***_

Vaughn picked up the phone with a trembling hand. The tears that had somehow managed to gather in his eyes threatened to fall. Turning his back to the window of his office, he dialed a familiar number and cleared his throat to steady his voice.

"Hello?"

God, her voice sounded so sweet. He had never in his life heard a voice that could fill him with such happiness.

He spoke, cursing himself for the slight trembling of his voice. "Jo- Joey's Pizza?"

There was a slight hesitation on the other line and he knew that she had heard his tremble. "Wrong number."

~:~

He saw her silhouette first, walking steadily towards him, the sun behind her, outlining her in black. Faceless. But still beautiful.

It wasn't until she was a foot away from him that he saw the concerned expression on her face. "Vaughn? What's wrong?"

Without a word, he pulled her to him, hugging her as tightly as she had hugged him the night before. 

Sydney was slightly scared; she didn't want to know what was happening to Vaughn but she knew she had to. "Michael?" Her voice was soft and tentative in his ear.

"I am so sorry."

"For what?"

"For what I have to make you do."

Fear overtook her, she wasn't sure why but from the tone of Vaughn's voice and the pained expression in his eyes, she knew it was going to be something awful.

"What is it?"

"You have to go to SD-6."

"And?"

"They have Danny."

Unlike the time it had taken Michael, Sydney had the realization right away. Shock ran across her face as she lifted her hands to her face.

He knows. He knows everything. 

He'll blow our cover.

_He'll tell Sloane everything._

_Oh. My. God._

Then her face changed and she lowered her hands and was suddenly calm. Professional. "What do I have to do?"

"Your father got the results of Danny's psych tests." 

"And?"

"He's highly unstable. He goes back and forth between hating you and loving you. But he does love you. More than anything he relies on _you_ to keep a hold on himself; the part of him that he loves and wants to be forever."

Vaughn gulped. He had practiced saying it but it didn't make it any easier. "The person he was when he was with you."

Sydney looked down, feeling ashamed for some reason. 

"He hasn't revealed any information yet, partially because of his inherent need to protect you but it's close. He just needs some affirmation of your feelings."

She looked up, understanding showing in her eyes, dragging her down and away. "I have to pretend to love him."

Vaughn felt his heart breaking for her. He took a step closer to her. "**The key word is _pretend_.** That's all it's going to be. I promise. I love you and I _will_ love you forever."

She nodded. But it was the most realistic game she had ever played. With higher stakes. She choked back a sob as she felt his gentle fingers pulling her ring off her finger.

Tears having a mind of their own and finally trickling down her cheeks, she nodded.

He kissed her tears away and then leaned his forehead on hers. "We'll get through this. And it will only make us stronger."

She nodded. "I love you."

He kissed her, pulling away quickly before emotion overtook him. 

One, two princes kneel before you 

_(that's what I said now)_

_Princes, princes who adore you_

_(Just go ahead now)_

Sydney turned away, feeling her heart being dragged downwards to her feet and then feeling as if she was treading on it. This was different from anything else she had ever done. 

It was too real. 

Pretending to like someone was one thing. Pretending to love someone was something completely different.

Especially when it was someone she had loved before.

Danny.

This one, he's got diamonds in his pockets 

_(has lots of bread now)_

But Vaughn was right. This would only make their love stronger. And that was what really mattered. Because when SD-6 went down, she wanted to be able to look him straight in the eye, tell him that she loved him, and kiss him outside in the sun. In front of everyone.

With no conflictions. 

This would be her closure.

Her closure with Danny's life, Danny's death, Danny's resurrection. And it would leave her free. Completely free. For Michael.

Michael.

And this one, he wants to buy you rockets 

_(Only in his head now)_

Michael watched Sydney walk away, saw how strong she was and how strong she would continue to be. And felt his heart swell with love for her. She would get through this. They both would. 

But why was he still feeling so scared?

Marry him, your father will condone you 

_(how bout that now?)_

_Marry me, your father will disown you_

_(gonna eat his hat now)_

He sighed as he turned to get his briefcase. He would put his trust in her. 

She already had his love.

_Aww, marry him or marry me,_

_I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see?_

~:~

Sydney walked into SD-6 with an almost exultant expression on her face. There was even a bounce in her step as she walked into Sloane's office.

She was beaming. Absolutely beaming. 

Sloane put down his phone. "Yes Sydney?"

"Is it true? My father told me that you had Danny?"

He nearly chuckled at her expression. "Yes. Would you like to see him?"

At her nod, he led the way. It seemed as though he had made the right decision.

If you want to call me baby 

_(Just go ahead now)_

_An' if you want to tell me maybe_

_(Just go ahead now)_

_And if you wanna buy me flowers_

_(Just go ahead now)_

_And if you'd like to  talk for hours_

_(Just go ahead now)_

He opened a door.

Danny sat at the desk, his hands being unbound by the two guards that had stood outside the door. 

"Danny?" Sydney asked, her voice full of emotion.

He turned at the sound of her voice. "Syd?"

She smiled and walked towards him. 

There was a moment of awkward silence as he eyed her suspiciously.

"Hi."

He blinked. _Was this actually happening? Wasn't she engaged? He looked down at her hand. It was gone._

Had he imagined everything?

One, two princes kneel before you 

_(that's what I said now)_

_Princes, princes who adore you_

_(just go ahead now)_

"I can't believe-" Her voice stopped as she stood before him, eyes taking in every inch of his face.

Resting on the scar on his throat. 

"It's you," she said, tears brimming. "It's really truly you."

And she watched as he stood, tears glistening in his eyes as he took in her appearance. "Yeah."

Ain't got no future or a family tree 

_But I know what a prince and lover ought to be_

And they just stood there, not touching, merely looking at each other in complete wonder.

And Sloane was satisfied.

TBC… _ I know I was evil and you guys all probably want to strangle me right now but think about it. _

_I'm trying to make this story realistic and we all know that there has to be some problems… Danny was a major thing and he knew everything that could completely kill them… he wasn't going to keep silent for nothing._

**_Just remember what Vaughn said. The key word is PRETEND._**

Wouldn't you rather they have a slight hurdle to jump over than Vaughn (and Syd and Jack) be dead???

_They love each other and they are still engaged._

_Remember that._

_Will it make you feel better to tell you that a LOT of your wishes will come true…? I promise. I know what's going to happen (thank god) and don't worry, everything will work out._

_So review and tell me what you thought. (I LOVE THAT SONG SOO MUCH!!!)_

-Jenn


	29. Everything to Gain

Hahaha...  
  


_Andi Horton: __Your review made me laugh... Funny funny stuff  
  
_

_M:__ Thanks so much for the wonderful review but I'm sure that there are other great fics besides this one. Just keep looking~   
  
_

_Secret Agent Girl:__ I know I've dedicated like a million chapters to you but your reviews always make me laugh... especially when you tell me what you're doing (ex: the "flailing arm Kermit dance")... Thanks for choosing my fic to read :)  
  
_

_J. Turenne:__ Hey, we all make mistakes. Just don't make it again ;)  
  
_

_The Wanlorn__: Oooohh... So THAT'S what happened to you... I see I see. Oh well, you're back and reviewing every chapter so I'm not complaining. Hope the shift + enter thing worked… I had to re-space this whole thing because it was prewritten… sigh the things I do for you guys ;)_

**To the people who actually wanted to know:**

In chapter 10, I mentioned the birth of a certum toad and told you all that you didn't want to know how it was actually born because it is "super-gross".   
  


However, I guess some of you _did_ want to know. So here it is:  
  


1) Picture a toad

2) Picture his back

3) Now think pimple except when it pops, it's not pus-stuff that comes out. It's a baby certum toad.  
  


_Ewwwwwwwww  
  
_

Okay, I've wasted enough of your time:  
  


Here it is~ Enjoy  
  


29.  
  


The bars made their usual screeching noise as they rose up towards the ceiling, opening the passage that was the hall of death.  
  


To Jack anyway.  
  


Needing to take the breath he always took, he paused for a second before stepping in front of the glass.  
  


"I need to talk to you."  
  


Irina Derevko walked up to it, her face only a few inches away from his though the tension between them was as palpable as the glass separating them.  
  


"Why?"  
  


"Damn it Irina, now is not the time for an interrogation."  
  


Almost simultaneously, "Then answer my question and we'll move on. Is there some reason why my question isn't valid?"  
  


They both stopped at the same time. Silence fell once again.  
  


She looked down towards the floor. "Is this how it's always going to be Jack? Will we always be at each other's throat every time one of us opens our mouths?"  
  


"It's quite possible."  
  


She nodded.   
  


"It's about Sydney isn't it? What has she done?"  
  


"I think you know what she has done. You knew what was between them from the very beginning."  
  


Her eyes lit up as she processed what Jack was telling her. "They gave in to each other."  
  


"I don't see why that makes you so happy."  
  


"They found love. What can be a more joyous event?"  
  


He clenched his jaw and she immediately regretted speaking. There were times when she forgot that she was dead to him. That Laura had died.  
  


"Love is weakness. Love clouds your senses until you can't think straight anymore; can't even see what's in front of your eyes. Love affects your judgment and love _kills_ those who you love."  
  


Her reply was soft. "No. Love is power. It can be wasted or it can be used but either way, it is efficient. It is desperation."  
  


He exhaled quickly, laughing to himself. "You haven't changed at all have you? You still don't understand the simple morals. There are _reasons_ for rules and there are_ reasons _for protocol and there are _reasons_ why a handler cannothave romantic relations with his asset."   
  


His last words were hushed, said straight into the glass so that none but she could hear them though they were the most intense of all.  
  


"We are not normal people and we do not lead normal lives. In this world, in _our _world, we don't have the same kind of normalcy. _Everything_ is dangerous and _every_ action-"  
  


Irina finished his sentence. "-has an equal or opposite reaction. Issac Newton. Yes, I know. But isn't that all the more reason to grab on to any semblance of normalcy you can?"  
  


He shook his head. "No. Not when it endangers lives. Not when you have nothing to gain."  
  


"Don't you mean everything?"  
  


"What?"  
  


"I think you mean, 'not when you have everything to gain.'"  
  


"What's the difference?"  
  


She sighed to herself. It was no use. He had always been as stubborn as a mule. "Why did you come here? Obviously it wasn't just to chat. What do you need me for?"  
  


"Daniel Hecht is alive."  
  


"Sydney's fiancé?"  
  


"Ex. Ex fiancé. And he knows everything."  
  


Her reply was immediate and matter of fact. "Kill him."  
  


"SD-6 has possession of him."  
  


"Does he still love her?"  
  


"Maniacally so."  
  


"She has to pretend to love him."  
  


"She's already been instructed to do just that."  
  


"Then what do you need me for?"  
  


"It's what happens next."  
  


"Jack, why do you come to me? You have resources at your disposal, people waiting to help you. Why me?"  
  


_You know why. Why are you insisting on me telling you why?_  
  


"Because I hate you for what you did to me. But the past is nothing. And despite your actions, you are still the most brilliant person I've ever come in contact with. And because I need your help for _our_ daughter."  
  


She nodded then.  
  


He took out his keys and entered her cell.  
  


_God damn her for being so beautiful._  
  


"I think you should start from the beginning."  
  


"There's no time. Apparently, Sydney and Vaughn have been seeing each other for three months and are now engaged."  
  


He ignored the subtle raising of her eyebrows.  
  


"Two days ago, Sydney was at Agent Vaughn's house when Daniel Hecht appeared at her door and tried to… go back to the way things used to be with her. She escaped, came to CIA headquarters, broke down in interrogation and almost told Kendall the truth about her whereabouts when she was paged. By Sloane. He had Dermott and his crew check up on Hecht and when they found him-"  
  


Irina nodded. "They found Vaughn. They know he's a CIA agent but Sydney lied and now they have retaken Hecht because of Sydney's professed love for him?"  
  


Jack nodded.   
  


"Why do you need my help? It seems as though everything has already been taken care of."  
  


"There is one more thing."  
  


Irina looked into his eyes, looked past the guarded exterior and saw the love and confusion that swam underneath.  
  


"You're planning on assassinating him aren't you?"  
  


_How do you always look through me? How can you read my mind like you do? Why are you Irina Derevko? Couldn't you have stayed Laura forever?  
  
_

He cleared his throat. "Two weeks."  
  


"Do you have this planned out too or is this what you need me for?"  
  


Suddenly, he didn't know anymore.   
  


"I wanted to run it by you, see if anything should be changed or if there is... room for error."  
  


She sat on the thin mattress, nodding as she ran her fingers through her hair.  
  


They both knew the truth. And they were both willing to live the facade. 

  


And the conversation between them suddenly flew, two intellectual giants discussing a plan.   
  


"He's kept in a room in Section E-"  
  


"Video-taped?"  
  


"Of course."  
  


"How are you going to get past that?"  
  


"Marshall's cigarette lighter scrambles all electronic devices for about 3 minutes."  
  


"He hasn't come up with a back up?" Irina's eyes took on their inquisitive hardness, her mind warming up and ready to absorb all the information being fed to her.  
  


"Not that I know of."  
  


"What about the guards?"  
  


"Another one of Marshall's inventions. The tranquilizer spray."  
  


"And the key?"  
  


"Already copied."  
  


"What are you planning on using?"  
  


"Bendolyne Pentaoxide." (Yes I made it up)  
  


"How long does it take to go through the system?"  
  


"Less than 5 minutes."  
  


Irina shook her head quickly. "I need more specific numbers than that."  
  


Jack looked at her. _You would._ "It depends on size. With someone Danny's size, it should take maximum 4 minutes."  
  


"He'll still be alive when the power is back on."  
  


"I'm not going to be staying to watch him die, Irina. I'm not like-" he stopped. That was a floodgate he didn't want to open.  
  


She smiled a little. "You're not like me."  
  


"I'm not going to apologize."  
  


"I don't expect you to. What you said was true and you do have the right to be a bit resentful don't you?"  
  


He was silent.  
  


"Where will you be when they find him?"  
  


"As far away as I possible can."  
  


"And you know the route you're taking out of the building?"  
  


"Of course."  
  


"And if someone should see you?"  
  


She almost sounded as if she cared. "Stay in the building; I wouldn't want to be conveniently gone if I had been spotted a moment before."  
  


"Won't the guards remember you sprayed them?"  
  


"Modifications can be made and hallucinations are often present."  
  


"Even so."  
  


"What?"  
  


She hesitated before speaking again. "Jack, this one is different."  
  


"I know that."  
  


"Does Sydney know what you're planning on doing?"  
  


"Daniel Hecht is now no more than a hindrance in her life if she wishes to pursue her relationship with Agent Vaughn."  
  


"The heart works in strange ways."  
  


"I thought you were for their love."  
  


"Love is a tool."  
  


The words stung.  
  


"Not if you're the victim."  
  


"Even then, it can still be used."  
  


"How?"  
  


"Deception."

  


Jack shook his head, not wanting to believe the words coming out of her mouth. He heard Irina speak again.  
  


"Perhaps she wants Danny gone. But gone doesn't translate into dead."  
  


"It did in your case."  
  


"Don't transmute our past into Sydney's future." She stood up, regal and towering above him. "I am truly sorry for all the hurt I caused you Jack but that is no reason to punish her."  
  


"Punish? I'm trying to help her."  
  


"You're trying to help yourself. Trying to save yourself."  
  


"By helping her breach protocol?"  
  


"By plugging up the one leak that could kill you."  
  


"And is looking out for my _life_ such a horrible thing? Maybe you had no qualms about leaving your life behind but I don't have another identity waiting for me under the river.   
  


"I_ have _to be here to _protect Sydney_ and if, in doing so, I'm also protecting myself, then so be it."  
  


"In our lives, we face death every day. What's to stop us from embracing it?"  
  


"The possibility of never being able to return. The fear that everything truly will stop one last time."  
  


"Daniel has died already."  
  


"No. He thought he did."  
  


"Embrace life. And if in doing so, one must embrace death, let it happen. It only happens once."  
  


"It will happen." He stood up, walking back towards the door.  
  


"Jack."  
  


He turned at the sound of her voice.  
  


"There is _no_ room for error."  
  


TBC...  
  


Wow... I'm confusing myself, I don't even understand half the stuff I wrote and I'm pretty sure that none of it makes sense. But I wanted Irina in the story.   
  


Blah...  
  


Review anyway~  
  


-Jenn


	30. Sound and Fury

**Oh ye of little faith! Do you guys really think that I'm going to let the story go on THAT EASILY?? Hell no… just cause Danny's back and Irina is thrown into the mix doesn't mean I don't have any other tricks up my sleeve.   
  
_It isn't going to be that easy, that's all I have to say. Complications galore. And even when things seem to be resolved… you never know what can pop back up again. Okay, so that's my warning.   
  
So enjoy :)_**_  
  
To: blonde-chica, twin*muse, serendipity112233, Anika, and Mj_

_  
M: Thanks again for the hugely flattering review… but I don't think that JJ would let a _15 year old high school girl who's in love with Michael Vartan_ write for the show… :) If you are really stuck on people to read, I would suggest Andi Horton and Secret Agent Girl and… just look at people' s favorite lists… and for people that write a lot… they tend to be more experienced (which explains why the beginning of this fic was so rocky, it was my almost-first). And if you STILL can't find anything, I have 12 other fics and I would recommend "With my Dying Breath" but it might make you cry… that's my warning._

_  
Lainie- talk about kick-ass reviews… that was AWESOME!!! I love it when people gush! Especially when it is about how well I did something… ego gets boosted way up :) I hope you continue to enjoy the story!  
  
Dream Writer 4 Life: Dear GOD BECKY!!! When did you add that thing in your bio????? I have NEVER been more flattered in my life… no YOU ROCK! You know why you rock? Because you read everything, you review everything, you give both praise and constructive criticism, you do mind-blowing things like what you did to your bio, and you are just a really good writer and e-mail buddy :)  
  
Kristine: Ms. English Major and Queen of Long Reviews… love em all ;)  
  
ME: Haha, thanks for the study tips ELISE… it was Elise right?_

_Reecee: That review made my day… that's okay, I talk to myself too… not out loud though… :) I'm glad you liked what you saw~_

I know that this is like the longest author's note EVER but still: My throat hurts sooo much from screaming b/c of last night's episode… the Frenchman can FRENCH… now if only I was the right Jennifer…

I can't believe SD-6 is gone… that makes this "little" out-dated now huh? Well… not for long *hint hint*

I can't believe "Francie" is evil… Sydney has no ties to the outside and normal world…but she has Vaughn… and I can't believe this A/N is more than a page long… I'll get to the point (Who actually reads these anyway?)_  
  
_**30.   
  
**She sat at the table, leaning slightly towards the person sitting across from her. Her eyes wandered across his face, as if trying to memorize every contour, every shade of color that flashed through his skin, how every piece of hair weaved in and out of the others.  
  
He had to admit that he liked her scrutiny.  
  
But she wasn't. Scrutinizing. She was merely playing a part.   
  
… _a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage.  
  
And then is heard no more.  
  
_Life was a stage, life was _her_ stage and she'd be damned if it controlled her.   
  
"What are you thinking?"  
  
She smiled a little, closing her eyes for a moment just to hear the sound of her voice and fall back into memories. Of better times. But perhaps they weren't better.   
  
No, now that she thought about it, they weren't. Different maybe. But certainly not better.  
  
"I just can't believe you are here again. Sitting opposite me at a table and talking to me. You've been gone so long…"  
  
She stopped as she felt him take her hand in his own. "It hasn't been that long. We can still make it."  
  
She nodded, if a little tearfully.  
  
_Full of sound and fury. Signifying nothing._  
  
~:~  
  
Vaughn clenched his teeth as he cinched the headset tighter to his ears. He could almost feel the muscles along his jaw jumping as he listened to them. He had never felt jealousy like this in his life.  
  
_She's playing a part. That's all she's doing. This isn't real. _  
  
He hated himself for doubting her. But she was just too good.   
  
"Sydney, I've never stopped loving you." Danny's voice trailed into Michael's ears.   
  
"I know."  
  
_Don't say it. Please Sydney, don't say it.   
  
I will understand if you do and if you have to but… please don't.  
  
_Silence.  
  
He heard Danny's awkward chuckle. "Aren't you going to say anything else?"  
  
Sydney took a breath. "I know that you want me to say that I love you back. But Danny, it's still too soon. I have to regroup my feelings and… I started my life over again. And even though I _remember _being with you and loving you, I can't remember being yours. Not anymore. We have to start over. Because I couldn't take it if you were to leave me again. Not at this point."  
  
Vaughn breathed a sigh of relief.   
  
"Is this about the other guy?"  
  
_Shut up Danny. Don't you know that they're listening? Sloane has probably pricked up his ears already. They are always listening._

_  
_"There's no _other_ guy."  
  
"Yeah, the one… I thought…"  
  
_Don't say it. Whatever you do, do not say it.  
  
_Sydney's eyes looked concerned as she reached over and placed her hand on his. "I understand why you might feel mixed up and I know that you are dealing with a lot right now and I understand why you made that mistake. But listen to me, there's no other guy."  
  
"But the ring…"  
  
"Ring? What _ring_? Danny what are you talking abo-" Sydney stopped and took in a little gasp of air. Reaching in her pocket she took out a small silver ring as tears rose up in her eyes. "_This_ ring?"  
  
Danny looked at it in wonder, picking it up and looking at it in the light.  
  
Her voice cracked. "Don't you recognize it?"  
  
"You-" Danny looked up at her, wonder in his eyes. "You never took it off?"  
  
"I tried to move on. And I did. This was just the last thing left tying me to you. It was too hard to just let it go. It still seemed so soon…" Sydney hung her head, looking at her hands.  
  
He reached over and placed his hand on hers. "Don't cry, baby. I'm sorry I misunderstood."  
  
_Don't cry baby. _Sydney shuddered. _Don't call me "baby". _  
  
"Syd?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What are they going to do to me? Why am I being kept here?"  
  
She sighed and looked up at him, finally meeting his eyes with her own. "They're going to run tests. They're going to see if you are safe."  
  
He nodded. "And then?"  
  
"We'll get there when we get there."  
  
~:~  
  


He held her in his arms a long time, pressing her against him, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead, smelling the sweet scent that defined her.  
  
"God Sydney, that was absolute torture. I don't know how long I can do this."  
  
She raised her head. "How long do we have to?"  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
She sighed, resting her chin on his shoulder. "I am so sorry about what you had to go through. I'm sorry we can't be like any other normal couple."  
  
He smiled at her. "Syd, I wouldn't trade this life for anything. Sure I'd love to be yours and have everyone know it but… this is a test. And if our love is strong enough to make it through, then it will be stronger for it."  
  
She bit her lip. "What if it doesn't?"  
  
Fear ran through him. _Why would you say that? _Instead, he softly kissed her lips. "Don't even think that. It will."  
  
~:~  
  
"Are you still planning on going through with it?"  
  
Her cultured voice pierced through to his ears though she was whispering.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then I won't try to stop you. I know it won't do any good."  
  
He wasn't sure how to answer that.  
  
"Have you at least spoken to Sydney?"  
  
"I only told you yesterday. I doubt that she would be ready for this kind of news."  
  
"Will she be ready two weeks from now?"  
  
Jack clenched his jaw. "She better be."  
  
~:~  
  
"Bendolyne Pentoxide is a very interesting choice, Mr. Backley."  
  
"I am not paying you 500 dollars an hour to commend me in my choice of poisons Evan. So please, move on." Jack flicked his hand towards the table to his left, looking at the flow of odd and ends and at the small vial full of clear liquid standing at the very far end of it."  
  
Evan Gamli nodded nervously, he was always nervous when this kind of thing was going on. "Bendolyne Pentaoxide is very unusual in the fact that it cannot be detected after it goes through the entire system."  
  
"Does that take the entire five minutes?"  
  
"Until the time that the person is dead, it is still able to carry a trace of acidic residue which will automatically flush itself out later on… but as time goes on, the traces get weaker and weaker as it is ejected from the body as the patient sweats."  
  
"It moves extremely quickly."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"I will take the vial."  
  
"Hold on. I have to tell you the rest. Bendolyne Pentaoxide can only be exposed to the air for about 1 and a half minutes before it loses all potency. Because of the fact that its contents are so fast-reacting and moving, the kinetic energy of the entire substance is constantly changing and moving which means-"  
  
Jack nodded. "I'll have to wear gloves when I handle it."  
  
"Yes, the increase in kinetic energy will result in the increase in temperature of the substance itself and if any should fall on our skin while you are administering the "Bend-ox"…"  
  
Jack nodded. "I understand the consequences."  
  
Evan walked over to the table and put on his rubber gloves before gingerly picking up the vial. Jack could tell from his scrunched up face that, even then, it was hot. He set it on the metal block in front of them. "Show me."  
  
Evan hesitated but he nodded. There had to be some consequences for 500 an hour. Painstakingly slow, he lifted the cap with the razor thin needle attached and reached out to the cage on his right to get a hold of a nearby rat.   
  
He slid the needle smoothly into the ribcage of the animal and placed it back.  
  
Jack watched dispassionately as the animal started to sweat and then, after thirty seconds of discomfort, died.  
  
Nodding, he handed Evan the envelope with the money and also the suitcase to put it in.  
  
"Do I need to count this?"  
  
Jack walked out towards the door with the suitcase in hand. "If you think you need to."  
  
Evan watched the man's retreating back and knew that even if he wasn't paid the right numbers, he would never dare ask for more.  
  
 TBC…

I hope this chapter was all right…  
  
2 finals down, 3 to go~!  
  
Let's try for 590-600!!! I would LOVE to have 4-digit reviews by the time this is over… would definitely make my day… I'm just thinking "out loud"

-Jenn  
  
  
  
  



	31. Roses, pagers, and dusty roads

Okay, M and Secret Agent Girl and Colly E and Dream Writer 4 Life are definitely on my favorite people list just because you guys inflate my ego until it basically doesn't fit in the room anymore. Well… you guys and every other person who reviews me and gives me nice things to read and blow my head up with…   
(Andi, donatellaMarks, Samantha, ReeCee, blondechia, bluebabe19, sweetheartb…etc)… To think that there was a time when I could basically list the people who read my fic in about 5 seconds… (Wanlorn, Rpgirl…)   
  
I just wanted to thank you all for giving me the confidence that I didn't need but have now and for helping me improve my writing SOOOO much (I look at past chapters now and cringe… and then thank you for sticking with it through the rough and bumpy patches).

**So this one is truly dedicated to all of you who put up with me and write nice and/or constructive reviews; the ones that I've actually become friends with through this weird ALIAS network and the ones who read me anyway :) It's always nice to e-mail someone I never knew before and now know through ff.net**

**Now I'm getting all weird and sentimental… and I'm supposed to be studying for German and French. Crap.**

**Anyway, the only things I'm worried about are:**

**1) Now that Syd and Vaughn are together, there's only one way they can go… and if the writers tear them apart or make it a love triangle, I'm going to rip them apart  
2) Now that Francie is "gone", Syd has no more ties to the normal world basically because Will works for CIA too…  
3) Sloane knows that she and her father are doubles so now what?  
4) I MISSED THE FIRST HALF OF THE EP BECAUSE SOMEONE SCREWED UP MY VCR!!!!!  
5) Where does Irina fit in in all of this??????**

  
_Finally: Thanks to all of you who wished me luck with finals, at the moment, there's still four left but by the time I post this, they might be done already. And then there's a FOUR DAY WEEKEND so either expect a long, juicy chapter or two updates :)  
  
Left: French 3, German 3, Western Civilization, Chemistry   
Done: Math and English 2_

**  
**P.S. Thanks Elizabeth for your review; I am truly honored to be the only author to get one :)**  
  
**Okay, I'm done. Here's 31.  
  
31.   
  
He knew his pager was vibrating before he even opened his eyes. It was strange how, after 7 years of having it basically be another body part, he knew when it went off. And it was the first time he didn't reach for it right away.  
  
First he peeled open his eyes slowly, letting the light seep through to his tired eyes and then smiling softly at the figure laying beside him. He stood still for a minute, listening to the silence, hoping that it would stop vibrating.   
  
But it went off again. In one long movement, he disentangled his arms from Sydney's and rolled over to where his pants lay in a rumpled heap beside the bed. He checked the number. Jack.  
  
He sighed and picked up the cell phone from the bed stand. "Jack."  
  
"Jack? It's Mi- Vaughn."  
  
"I need you to come in right now. No questions asked. Take down this address, I need to see you there in ten minutes."  
  
He knew better to question and so did what he was told.   
  
Hanging up the phone, he rolled out of bed and pulled on his pants from the day before. If this was so urgent, surely Jack wouldn't notice. All his pants looked the same anyway. He bent over to kiss Sydney's forehead and he saw her smile a little before she buried herself under the covers once more.   
  
It had been risky, coming together when she was under the most scrutiny, when she was supposedly in love with Danny. Now that they knew who Michael Vaughn was.  
  
But it had rained last night. And she had come to the door soaked to the bone, shivering; her face hot from her tears. And she had assured him that she had been careful. That she hadn't been tailed. She had assured him right into bed.  
  
He should have been stronger. But the wiles of Sydney Bristow were the one thing he couldn't barricade himself against.   
  
Danny took so much out of her. And though he knew he shouldn't be, he was jealous. Though Sydney was pretending, she was too real. And the fact that Danny got her at her vibrancy only made him feel worse; as if he received the leftovers.  
  
_Stop thinking that way. Sydney is not a "leftover". She gets tired. **People get tired.** God damn it, for once think of somebody other than yourself. She needs you right now so be there._  
  
~:~  
  
The road was dusty and Vaughn immediately knew why Jack had chosen this place. If _he_ couldn't even see Jack, then no one else could.  He entered the lone shack that stood in the middle of the blowing wind and the tumbling balls of dust; surprisingly strong for it's weak craftsmanship.  
  
Jack stood there, intimidatingly large in the small space, wearing black gloves and holding a very small vial.  
  
"This is Bendolyne Pentaoxide. It will be used to kill Daniel Hecht in 11 days."  
  
~:~  
  
"There's something… odd about you."  
  
Sydney shook her head. "Everything's fine, mom."  
  
Irina peered at her daughter through the sheen of the glass, "You look tired. Worn down. Have you been getting enough sleep?"  
  
She smiled, a little sheepish. "The hours have been shorter but… life has gotten more complicated. If that's even possible."  
  
Irina nodded. "I know. Your father told me."  
  
Sydney looked up. "Dad talked to you about me?"  
  
She hesitated, not sure how much she should say. She cleared her throat. "He updated me on your situation."  
  
"Then you know about Vaughn."  
  
"Sydney, I knew about you and Agent Vaughn before _you_ knew about him. But he hasn't been the only one keeping you awake."  
  
Sydney sobered. "It's weird having Danny back in my life. I'm so used to having things go a certain way and now that everything's different, it feels as if my life has turned upside down," she leaned her forehead on the glass, speaking quietly to her mother so that no one else could here. "I love Michael, mom. I really, truly do. He knows everything about me and loves me for exactly who I am. But I associated love with Danny for so many years that I always feel guilty for feeling the way I do. I feel like I should love him too."  
  
"But you don't. That's the important thing."  
  
"Yes. And I don't want to love him. That would make things even more complicated. But I feel like I should. Like some conscience that just keeps tugging away at me, always dragging me down. Because… sometimes, when he looks at me, I can literally see the love just coming out of his eyes.   
  
"He knew everything. He knew the entire truth and he saw and heard _everything_ himself. Yet he trusted my word over his own senses. What do you call that kind of love, mom? How can someone trust another person _so_ implicitly? How does one react to it?"  
  
"I wouldn't know. I never had anyone love me in that way-" She paused at the look on Sydney's face. "Oh, your father loved me and you loved me. I know that. But the love that you describe; it's something rare. But don't steer yourself off course. Not everything that is rare is good."  
  
Sydney didn't answer.  
  
"Do you hear me? Don't go looking for something that you already have. Michael loves you. And you love him back; it's a done deal so stop worrying about Hecht."  
  
"It's not that easy," her voice was soft, "I'm not falling in love with him. When I'm with him, I even despise him. It's just that… I loved him. I really did." Sydney felt the tears creep up to her eyes. "I hate myself for not loving him. And then I just feel like I don't deserve anybody. Why does Michael want someone like me?"  
  
"Don't start pitying yourself. That's an emotion that is completely useless so why waste your energy? You've moved on and Daniel Hecht is an obstacle that you must get through. If you and Michael truly love each other, you will come to see that.   
  
"In time."  
  
Irina watched her daughter lean heavily against the glass. She was different in the way she carried herself; as if she carried the world on her shoulders. _Don't fall in love again my love; you will only love to lose and this time, it will be real. Save yourself the pain and stay with the one you were meant to be with.  
  
_"How much time?"  
  
"As much time as it takes for you to open your eyes and see the truth that everyone else can already see."

~:~

Roses. There were roses.  
  
Filling the entire room. From… someone… the one she was engaged to.  
  
No. She's not engaged to anyone. She told me she wasn't engaged to anyone.  
  
She was wearing a ring.   
  
That was the ring I gave her.  
  
No, it was different. And she said that he loved her more than I did. That he would do anything for her. That he would die for her.  
  
She was here yesterday. She told me that there was no other guy. She had my engagement ring.  
  
She's protecting him.   
  
NO. She loves me. She has always loved me. I see it. The way she looks at me as if she's trying to memorize every detail of my face. The way she smiles even when I'm not talking. There is no other guy.  
  
Don't be an idiot. She has spent nearly her entire life lying. Why would she begin to tell the truth now? She didn't expect you when you came and that was when she was real. Now she has had time to compose herself and that's who she's pretending to be.  
  
She's protecting the other guy… because that's who she loves.  
  
She loves someone else.  
  
No, she loves me. Or she will love me. She needs time. Maybe she was engaged but she found out that she loved me better.  
  
She would've told me. Instead, she made it sound like I made it up. But I didn't make it up. I remember.  
  
I cut the roses. And then I stopped. And then I wrote her the letter.  
  
Could the letter have changed her mind? No, she didn't mention it. What happened then?  
  
No I left and then I came back here and then she came back to me.  
  
If only that were true.  
  
  


TBC…

I'm still unsure whether or not I should keep Danny unsuspecting and good or good-turned-evil.

That's okay, either way works.

Review~ 

-Jenn


	32. A Complete Believer

AS OF RIGHT NOW, FEBRUARY 2, 2003 WITH MY UNFINISHED CHAPTER (THOUGH IT IS NOW THAT YOU ARE READING IT), THERE ARE **3 HOURS AND 31 MINUTES** UNTIL **ALIAS** STARTS AND THEY BETTER MAKE IT GOOD!!!!!** DON'T BREAK SYD AND VAUGHN UP!!!! **(though by the time this chapter is actually completed, we will already know…)  
  
**NOTE******** Inspiration is running low********* Needing review-fuel :)  
**  
Sarah: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you finally did it ;). No offense taken because I am in highschool; I'm a sophomore :)  
  
M: Will definitely read your fic :) Are you still gonna be "M"? + Yes there will be an end to the story… probably within the next ten chapters or no… don't think it will pass 40 but if it does… oh well~  
  
  
Wow, okay you guys definitely have the whole "review" thing down. I didn't even know that many people actually read the fic! Lol, I guess… "you _love _me~ you _really _love me!" Or maybe I'm just being spastic now that finals are over!!!!!   
  
So~  
  
To:   
_Erin~ thanks for your really kind words, I'm glad that you approve of my story and I thank you for your high praise. I like cliffhangers too. :)  
  
Kat~ Hmm… sweating in a freezing house… interesting side effect to reading the story, I should add a warning ;)_

_  
Arcana~ now THAT is dedication… I don't even think I would be able to stick with this story for that long of a time period… wow_

_  
Mrs. Swearingen: Yay! You're out and free and reading again! Thanks for the sweet review, made the fact that ALIAS is on in 3 hours and 30 minutes so much sweeter~  
  
Dream Writer 4 Life and Secret Agent Girl: We so have to meet because I can really see you guys being my best friends… wow I have no social life. LOL, jk, kinda… I CAN"T WAIT TILL ALIAS!!!!!!!!!! (Becky… I so wish I had my own mini-Vaughn… then I could be mini-Jenn and they could live happily ever after) (Secret Agent Girl: You gotta teach me that dance! Lol, I do know what you're talking about… I just think that if I tried it, people would think I was going into a coma or spasms)  
  
Jade2099~ Well… boys will be boys and Jack will be a violent man who thinks he's doing his best for his daughter who doesn't need his help. Now THAT should be a famous saying.  
  
mvwt~ I SO wanna know what those letters mean…  
  
_Alrighty, I'm done! (Guess what? Acting is over and Singing is over so I'm learning to tap dance for the musical! Yay~)

Once again, thanks for all the reviews for **Roses, Pagers, and Dusty Roads**  
  
**32.  
  
**She was sitting on the couch, head in her hands, wondering why the hell she went to her mother of all people to help with the problems in her life.   
  
More than anyone else, her mother had been a stranger, someone to look at and long to be with but never one to actually confide in. But then again, the answer was right there, staring her in the face. It was obvious wasn't it?  
  
Who better to speak to about the ways of love, the dangers of the heart, the absolute torture of making decisions? Who better to confide in than the one person who was, at the same time, closest and farthest away?  
  
And her words still rang in her ears. _I knew about you and Agent Vaughn before you did._ She laughed a little, shaking her head. Perhaps her mother was God after all.   
  
_Why am I doing this? It's not as if it's a hard decision. It's not even a decision, not really. He's not Danny… he's just some mannequin… a reflection. With the same qualities but expressed… blandly. And Vaughn… there aren't any words for Vaughn. He's my guardian angel. And everything else._  
  
She wondered how long this could possibly last.

  
Vaughn shook his head. "Jack, you know I can't do that."  
  
"I thought you said that you loved my daughter."  
  
"I think I have already proved true. I do. But I am not going to kill her ex-fiancé."  
  
Jack shook his head and scoffed at the younger man standing in front of him. "First of all Agent Vaughn, you agreed to do anything I asked. Not that that fact is relevant at this point anyway because you aren't going to kill him.   
  
"I am."  
  
Michael was confused. "Then why did you call me here?"  
  
His steely eyes hardened even more as they fixed themselves on Michael's green ones. "I need you to watch my back. There's no one else I trust and there is no one better for the job. I will give you a complete layout of SD-6 and all the information you need. This is risky. More risky than anything we have ever done before. I need a spot."  
  
"You- you want _me_ to be your spot man?" Vaughn knew his eyes were wider and he wanted to kick himself for sounding so juvenile. This was after all, one of his peers.   
  
_Shut up Michael. It's not like you're ever going to manage to convince yourself that way. You of all people KNOW that he's more than one of your peers. Can you say "Daddy"? _  
  
"I should think it be quite obvious."  
  
Vaughn was flustered. "Does Sydney know about this?"  
  
He saw an unfamiliar flash glint and disappear in Jack's eyes. "No. And you will not tell her about it."  
  
"_What?_ You can't keep her in the dark; especially not with this."

  
"It doesn't concern her."  
  
"How can you say that it doesn't concern her when she is the person it concerns the _most_? Do you really think that when she finds out, she's just going to lay back and pretend that it never happened, that she is absolutely fine that you went through this and didn't tell anyone? Or, even worse, that you told everyone but her?"  
  
"I'm doing this _for_ her." Jack felt his jaw tighten as he sensed the familiar déjà vu. This was the interrogation with Irina all over again. Strange how he seemed surrounded by her wherever he went; strange how she was able to take on any and all shapes to haunt and hound him.  
  
Vaughn leaned against the table, looking him directly in the eye, aware of the heat emanating from the vial in Jack's gloved hands. "You _have_ to tell her about this. More than _anything _else, she has to know."  
  
"No. She doesn't."  
  
"She's going to think you don't trust her. She's going to think that you didn't think she could handle it or that you went behind her back to kill him again. Even if she isn't _in _love with him, subconsciously at least, she knows him.   
  
"She _KNOWS_ him. And she won't let him go like that. If you at least ask her, she will at least think about it. It will haunt her and torture her but she will have had some say in it. Doing this… it isn't right. She will blame _you_ and she will blame _me_. She may not want him but that doesn't mean she wants him dead."  
  
_Gone doesn't translate into dead._ Jack shook his head, freeing himself of Irina's words. He smirked instead to hide the inner turmoil of his feelings.   
  
He didn't understand. Michael did not understand that he was Jack twenty years ago. Jack look at him, staring back at Jack with such intensity that he was almost intimidated. He was fresh and powerful, drunk on love, immersed in it. A complete believer.  
  
_Love isn't easy. And it will spit you out before it gives in to you._ "Strange how you defend the person you should be jealous of. For you _are_ jealous aren't you?"  
  
Vaughn looked away, feeling his face heat up. "I'm not defending anyone. You know what's right. You know that Sydney has to know about this."  
  
Jack placed the vial in the suitcase and removed the gloves before walking to the door. "You should know more than anyone what kind of blood runs in the Bristow family. Yet you still try to face it. I have my daughter's best interests at heart, I assure you Mr. Vaughn. Now I just need an answer, not a diatribe."  
  
"Yes? Or no?"  
  
Vaughn swallowed, straightening. _Oh my God Sydney._   
  
"Yes."  
  
  


"So Daniel, how do you feel?"  
  
"Confused. Sad. Terrified. Alone."  
  
"Understandable. Now tell me, when you see this picture, what is your immediate reaction?"  
  
It was a glossy photo revealing a young girl blowing out her candles with such a look of concentration on her young face that Danny was astounded. Her parents stood in the back, beaming at the sight of another year. "Wonderment."  
  
"Very good. Now we will begin. This session will be recorded and you will merely do what you have just done. Do you understand me?"  
  
Daniel nodded. He had to pass this test. He had to pass all the tests.  
  
"Alright then. First picture."  
  
He pressed the red button under his desk to record the session and then took the pictures out of an envelope.  
  
_The first one was of the stern faced Jack Bristow, taken and enlarged from his ID._   
  
"No words. Intimidation."  
  
The man behind the desk nodded.  
  
_There was the picture of the campus, the very spot where he had proposed to Sydney._   
  
"Love."  
  
_Francie and Will sitting at a café._  
  
"Laughter."  
  
_Michael Vaughn balancing a briefcase and coffee as he struggled to open the car door._  
  
"Stranger."  
  
_Himself._  
  
"Lost."  
  


  
_Sydney Bristow.  
_  
**"Betrayal."**  
  
  
---

**TBC… ** it should be a crime how much fun I am having with my Danny character… yikes. Hmmm…  review por favor? Bitte? S'il vous plaÎt? I'm gunning for 650-660 :)  
  
**P.S. Am I the only one who thinks that Sark is ugly??? I'm sorry but I don't see what makes his the "hot bad guy" cause to me, he's just ugly… there's something wrong with his face. But apparently, I am alone in that opinion.  
  
P.P.S. This is going to sound like blasphemy but I don't like the fact that Syd and Vaughn had sex last night… it's moving too fast and because it's moving so fast, there seems to be an indication that maybe in the future, they won't be together which would completely suck. (I actually screamed when they put that gun on him).  
  
P.P.P.S. Where's Will??? Wasn't he supposed to take Francie out of the state? Where is he now and why hasn't he noticed that Francie isn't with him?   
  
  
******


	33. Gold piece of Infinity

**In some of your reviews, you mentioned that you didn't think Vaughn would agree to kill Danny if Syd didn't know. Usually I hate it when authors try to defend themselves but I guess I hate myself then.   
  
First of all, you guys are probably right… I just didn't think about it because for this to end the way I want it to, Vaughn NEEDS to do this.   
  
Second of all, Vaughn has worked with Jack behind Sydney's back before… sure she blew up at him and he apologized but he DID think that what he was doing was right and was trying to save her so I'm sure that if Jack said all the right things and reinforced Vaughn's own thoughts, he would say yes.   
  
Third: The same thing that made him agree is the same feeling that made him crumple that letter.  
**  
  
Okay, so now that you all hate me for trying to explain myself…  
  
_Maploc: _Hmm… creative genius huh? That's fine… I can definitely live with that…   
  
_Sarah_: YES! Another faithful reviewer… can never have enough of those. (I'm so excited)  
  
_DW4L_: Sorry it's moving slow… I guess I didn't realize it and also I didn't want it to end :(  
  
_miss. Pebbles:_ I don't know if I've dedicated to you before but I hope I have because you definitely rock.  
  
_Becca_: thanks so much for your review… I really do appreciate it and hope you continue to do so.  
  
kat~ funny funny stuff… glad you like the story and all the others and thanks so much for saying that I'm one of your favs~ it means a LOT. And whoa about your brother reading my fic…  
  
**I heard that ABC and ALIAS are pulling all the stops and making the show so twisty and stuff because they want more ratings because otherwise they might cancel the show… they better not. I will CRY. And then I will write a letter. Maybe not in that order. Or maybe simultaneously.   
  
We should lead a revolt.  
  
But then again, on a lighter and more wonderful note, ALIAS is coming to DVD in September!!!!!!!  
  
***Yes I did see that TEEN PEOPLE… Michael Vartan is definitely hot and I even had a mini-fantasy about running into him while he and Jennifer were riding their bikes :) (And then I got to switch places with Jennifer and I was THE Jennifer… it was all good :) )

Plus: thanks to the people who agreed about the ugliness of Sark thing… nice to know I'm not alone.

Didn't realize the last chapter was so short… I'll try to lengthen…  
  
33.  
  


Danny looked up suddenly, his eyes wide. "No. I didn't mean to say that. I don't even know why I said that," He laughed lightly in hopes of washing away his answer. "Sydney would never betray me. She loves me and I don't even understand why I said that. I didn't mean it."  
  
The old man in front of him nodded compassionately before circling his answer with a big red pencil and moving on.   
  
Strange how these tests seemed to bring out answers that one never even thought of before.  
  
Danny looked at the man in front of him. "Aren't there any more pictures?"  
  
"No, Mr. Hecht, that was the last one."  
  
"I really didn't mean to answer it like that. I've had a rough couple of days."  
  
"I understand, Daniel."  
  
He didn't. He didn't even believe him. Anger was there, standing in the doorway of his heart, waiting to come through and boil over. But he contained himself. Nothing good would come out of it. Sydney did love him. That was his staple; he needed that to be true in order to face the world now.  
  
And it was true. She wore his ring; he had never mentioned it again because she had wanted to start over but he saw it. The glinting gold piece of infinity that wrapped around her finger gave him all the hope he could ever want.  
  
Yet he was a doctor, or had been training to be one anyway, and he knew how these tests worked. It was hard to convince himself of what he knew was true when years of psychology were against him.  
  
_Here's my story, it's sad but true.  
About a girl that I once knew._

_She took my love then ran around  
With every single guy in town~  
  
_What was love without trust? Nothing. He couldn't expect her to immediately adjust to his reentrance into her life could he? No, that wouldn't be rational.  
  
Sure he had expected a little more joy but that didn't mean she had _betrayed_ him. That was just preposterous. Wasn't it?  
  


_I should have known it from the very start  
This girl will leave me with a broken heart  
  
Now listen people what I'm telling you  
  
Keep away from Runaround Sue  
  
_He sighed a little and leaned back into his chair. It didn't matter after all what the people around him thought of him. Though in their own ways, they knew him better than he knew himself.  
  
All that mattered was what _he_ believed. And he believed in her.  
  
_I fell in love and my love still grows.  
  
So if you don't wanna cry like I do,  
Keep away from Runaround Sue._

  
~:~

  
Moonlight splashed on the bed sheets, illuminating the bottom of the bed in a soft white-blue light. Michael Vaughn was still awake, leaning against the headboard with his arm around the woman beside him.   
  
He could barely look at her without feeling that pangs of guilt. But this was something that had to be done. Wasn't it?   
  
He tried to weigh all the advantages and disadvantages in his mind. His jealously wasn't a factor; he knew Sydney loved him. He could see it in her eyes, whenever he brushed against her or when he spoke.   
  
Danny knew everything. Perhaps he hadn't had time to sort it all out yet but he would eventually. He wasn't as unsuspecting or an unknowing as anyone might think. Given time and the absence of the wonderful oblivion Sydney Bristow presented, Daniel Hecht would be a threat.  
  
That was fact.

  
Yet he still couldn't go to sleep; couldn't even relish the emotions he should have felt at watching Sydney sleep softly against him; he could only look at the moon. And it seemed to stare back at him; one large circle of endless light, shining until the day came once more, witnessing only the actions of the night before disappearing quietly into the shadow of the sun.  
  
He slowly got up and walked across the room, his eyes flickering at the blinking digital lights of the clock on his bed stand. 2:04  
  
He put his hand on the cell phone lying on the counter, hesitating a moment before walking into the bathroom.  
  
Ring. 

Ring. 

Ring.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
He sat on the toilet seat, hunched over his legs. "I can't do it. I can't keep it from her."  
  
The last remnants of sleep disappeared from the voice and Michael knew that Jack Bristow was now fully awake. "What are you saying?"  
  
"I'm saying I can't keep it from her."  
  
"Yes you can. And you will."  
  
"No. I can't walk around everyday seeing her and knowing that she _should_ know and that the only reason she doesn't is because of me. That is too much of a burden to put on my shoulders; I'm not as strong as you."  
  
"That is the worst piece of bullshit I have ever heard. If you weren't as strong as I needed you to be, then I wouldn't have chosen you. If you can't be near her without saying this, then stay away from her. Two weeks Michael. Less than two weeks. That's all I need and that's all we have to do."  
  
Michael laughed, the sound derisive and tired. "Do you really think that it's all going to end after he's dead? That is just going to be the beginning. Don't even try to convince yourself that Sydney will come to terms with this right away. She won't."  
  
There was a long pause on the phone and Michael wanted to demand an answer but, as a man sitting naked on a toilet, decided to just wait.  
  
"Are you absolutely certain about this?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Even if I should tell you about the new intel the CIA have acquired?"  
  
Michael stood still, his knees no longer jumped. "What Intel?"  
  
"A disk."  
  
"What about a disk?"  
  
"It can all be over, Michael."  
  
He shivered slightly from hearing Jack say his name in such a casual manner; he hadn't even called this man by name during this conversation. For safety's sake.  
  
"There is a disk hidden somewhere in Istanbul at the SD base. Though we have been looking for it for the past 5 years, it is only now that we have been able to pinpoint its exact position."  
  
"_What's the disk?"  
  
_"Talk to me tomorrow."  
  
"No. If you want me to help, you are going to tell me now."  
  
"I don't need your help; it _isn't_ essential to me. I chose you because you were the most qualified and _should _have had the most motivation to complete this job and I suppose I misjudged you. However, you may not inform her about what I am doing. Even I have to sleep sometime _Michael_ and, if I were you, I would do the same. Just trust me when I say you're going to need it."  
  
There was the sound of the dial tone and Michael knew now where Sydney's attitude came from when she was sleep-deprived.   
  
He was about to walk back out of the room when his phone rang once more.   
  
He picked it up, knowing who it must be.   
  
The voice was gruff and professional. The question uttered so specifically that it was transformed instead into a statement. "Joey's Pizza."

  
  
Two rooms away, Sydney Bristow was awaked by the soft hum of voices; one of which she knew instinctively was Michael's.  
  
She sat up in the bed, the sheets dropping from her body before she clutched them to her once again. She sat still, listening for any sound and heard his voice again. Hearing the bathroom door open, she lay back down as she silently watched his movements.  
  
His motions were easy and slow as they picked up a shirt hanging on a chair and his arms were seemingly fluid as they lowered the clothing onto his body. He was standing in the moonlight, the outline of his body highlighted in silver light, his face looking out the window.  
  
But she didn't really get scared until she saw him walk out the door into the foreboding night. Leaving her alone in the suddenly giant bed.  
  
_There has to be a reason that he's leaving without me. A good reason. Maybe even a stupid reason._  
  
She closed her eyes, willing sleep to take her once more.  
  
She would give her trust to his man who held her heart; above all and above anyone else, she would give it to him.   
  
TBC…  
  
You know what I found out? If I out a number, you guys always reach it but if I don't, you don't… hmmm… interesting. So If I put 690-700…. Lol ;)

*Does anyone else think that they may be oversimplifying ALIAS just a tad too much? I realize that the complexity of it is what was turning some viewers off but it is also what makes it sooooo good…. It's just like one long plot twist after another. 

Okay then~ review~

-Jenn


	34. Chain Links

**Wow, its kind of unnerving getting letters from colleges... A part of me wants to just beat them all with a stick and tell them that I'm still too young to be bothered.**

**I would rather write.**

_Marikka: Thanks for your review; I'm not sure I can update much faster than I am now though... I didn't think I was that slow; the longest interval between updates so far has only been a week~_

_Secret Agent Girl: You never let me down either... God knows I'm always looking forward to your review whenever I post anything ;) AND THANKS FOR YOUR MENTION-THING again!!! Luv ya too~_

_DW4L: Thanks a bunch Becky~_

_M: I would post your story anyway, who cares if it is outdated? This one is too. So what? As long as the plot and style are good, go for it. _

_Mrs. Swearingen: ahahahaha, loved your review (except for the spoilers part… gah) tell your friends to review anyway because that does help me update faster ;)  
  
"**Someday my prince will come. He just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions"**_

**34**.

The night air was cool and crisp, so smooth that Vaughn felt as if he was a disturbance merely walking through it. Slicing through the chill as cleanly as a knife. 

His hands were buried deep somewhere in his pockets and he knew that they were clenched in nervousness though in all truth he had lost feeling in his fingers 5 minutes ago.

He was still standing, waiting in the warehouse, the lights dim and foreboding, the air hitting him from the open door. He had been waiting for a quarter of an hour already and now could only think about the woman still so innocently sleeping in his bed. Wondering how he could have left her there to come into the cold to meet-

"Jack."

The older man was standing, walking towards him, still only a dark silhouette though it was unmistakably him. Looking professional even with the layer of sleep still shrouding his face, belying an alertness Michael knew lay beneath the surface.

He sighed and sat on the crate, purposely below Michael. "I truly wish that you could have waited a while longer Agent Vaughn. However, I do understand some of the conflict that you are going through and I am here to give you at least part of the explanation you deserve."

Michael nodded and sat next to him, his mind suddenly clear save for the reminder to pay attention to everything Jack said. Speaking to a man like this, one could never underestimate how much information he would be willing to give.

Jack Bristow then began to talk, his words even and slow.

"I told you about a disk located in Istanbul. This disk has been searched for for nearly a decade and has finally been located through the use of a reliable contact. The reason that this has not been told you already is because we are still attempting to figure out how this can be done or if it is worth the risk we will all have to take.

"The disk is called Charlemot and contains more names and addresses and profiles than we could ever hope to recover at the pace at which we are going. I realize that we are doing a fine job but _this_ is the big one. If we can get this, then SD-6 along with every other Alliance facility will be gone. Decimated. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

Vaughn's head was still reeling from all the information fed to him. And it was coming together, piece by piece like the slow assembling of a 5000-piece crossword puzzle. Except for one point. And it lay there, bothering him as he struggled to find the answer.

"If we can get this and the Alliance will be gone, why do we have to eliminate Daniel Hecht?" Though Vaughn had no specific affinity for the "other man" in Sydney's life, he knew that none of this had been Danny's own fault and could only feel sorrow for his situation. 

"_Because_ this is the big one. Don't you understand? If all goes to plan, the Alliance can be destroyed within the month. And that is why the risk of allowing Mr. Hecht to survive is greater than the hope that everything will turn out all right if we allow him to live. If he somehow clears the confusion in his mind and decides that Sydney has turned on _him_, he can turn on _us_. Don't you get it? He will give us up if only because he cannot control his emotions. Everything, yes _everything_, we have been working for these past years will have been a total and complete waste."

Vaughn closed his eyes and rested his head against the cool metal links of the fence behind him. Within a week, his life had gone spiraling out of control. He had gone from a man who mostly lived by the rules to one who now had the fate of another life in his hands. 

"What will I have to do?"

"The same things you would normally do if Sydney was on a mission." Jack leaned forward suddenly, locking the younger man's eyes with his own. 

"You really love my daughter Mr. Vaughn?"

"Of course. With all my heart."

Jack nodded tersely. "Then do this, if only for the sake of your life with her, do this."

Vaughn nodded, agreeing once more to a deed in which he was not completely sure of.

~:~

"What is it?" Her voice was lilting and curious, she knew that something big was about to happen, knew that what he was about to say would have some sort of important impact on their life. She just didn't know what.

Her heart was free again, now that the oppressive chains of wearing Danny's ring were gone and she was sporting once again the delicate silver band that proclaimed her to be the possession of Michael Vaughn.   
  
And she liked it; she actually liked the idea of someone possessing her, actually having a hold upon her that upheld everything legal and sacred.

She grinned at the look on his face. "I know you want to smile. I give you permission to do it. Smile and then tell me why."

Vaughn grinned at her, mentally noting the slight dizziness that seemed to appear in her eyes when he smiled at her like that. He kneeled down on the floor beside her and took her hands in his, gently kissing her fingers before looking up at her again.

Sydney laughed out loud, loving the feeling of gaiety and helplessness that overcame her as she saw him kneeling in front of her like that, obviously bursting to tell her something. She slid down to the floor so that she was level with him. "What is it?" She whispered.

He leaned his forehead against her and breathed deeply. "This could be _it_."

Sydney's eyes widened with immediate understanding. "What is it?" They seemed to be the only words she could say.

"A disk. In Istanbul. Charlemot. Names, profiles, intel, everything we could ever need to do this." Michael felt the excitement bubbling in his entire body, filling him with a kind of happiness he had not been able to feel or even process when he had had his meeting with Jack hours before.

Despite the fact that she already knew, Sydney felt the waves of astonishment pass through her system. She laughed out loud, her smile creasing her eyes and she kissed the worry lines on his forehead. "After this, you won't ever need these again."

"I thought you said they were sexy."

"They are, don't worry." She winked at him before closing her eyes in happiness as she felt his mouth lower onto hers. His arms wrapped around her, bringing her closer to him as the mere knowledge that they could finally be together infinitely intensified their situation. It was a long kiss, one both participants were unwilling to stop until there was no oxygen left in their bodies. Panting, she leaned back. 

"Vaughn, we're in the warehouse. I don't think-" She stopped seeing the look in his eyes. Grinning she pushed him lightly in the shoulder. "You really don't care do you?"

A sarcastically wounded expression overcame his face. "You really shouldn't treat a man in this condition so lightly." Sydney rolled her eyes. 

"Really Michael, this "condition" doesn't seem to be too rare so I wouldn't be so hasty to quarantine myself."

"Who said anything about quarantine?" Vaughn grinned at her as he softly stroked her cheek with his thumb. "I'll take anything but."

Her smart retort died away as soon as she felt the warmth of his lips against her neck, filling her with a warmth and desire she knew she was powerless against.  She whispered into his ear, "Vaughn, if someone were to walk in right now..."

His soft chuckle tickled her skin as he lifted his brilliant eyes to hers, taking her breath away. "I thought you liked things dangerous."

Her eyes glinted at the mention of a challenge. "Maybe I do." She lowered her own lips to lightly caress his ear before lightly biting on the lobe. Her hands, warm now, found their way inside his suit and under his now untucked shirt, lightly tracing circles on the lower section of his back. "It's really happening?" she whispered as he smiled slowly.  

He nodded and held her a little more securely in his arms.

"I love you Michael. I know that these past couple of weeks have been rough but I just wanted to let you know that I have never doubted you or us." 

Michael showed his acknowledgment of her words with another smoldering kiss before both slid into the darkness that lay for them behind the crates.

~:~

"Stop."

Sloane's voice uttered the single world with an authority that would not be questioned. He made a rolling gesture with his hand and the man seated before him rewound the tapes once again.

The screen went fuzzy for a moment before adjusting and showing the top of two heads and a table. Picture after picture was set before Daniel Hecht and Sloane watched intently until the last picture was being placed on the table. Changing the camera angles to focus on Danny's face, he watched his reaction for the tenth time that day. The look of slightly tortured realization accompanied by the subconscious agony was portrayed clearly on his face before it vanished and the incriminating word was uttered. 

Betrayal.

Sloane stayed silent for a moment before turning back to his computer and raising up Michael Vaughn's profile from his computer once again. He studied the clear line of his brow and the unflinching gaze of the man's eyes. His eyes traced the strong jaw and the set expression of his mouth. This man was handsome. But there was something else about him that arrested his attention. 

He drew up the profile of William Vaughn, the face so similar to his son's that for a moment Arvin Sloane thought that he had pulled up the same file once again. William Vaughn.   
  
That name sounded more familiar that it should have been.

And then the memory came to him, striking so suddenly and with such intensity that he had to close his eyes to block out the light of the room. 

_Flashback~_

_"Irina, what are you doing here?"_

_"I could ask you the same question Arvin but I will control myself."_

_"Leave before-"_

_"Before what? Before you dispose of me? Is that what you wanted to say?" Irina's laugh echoed slightly. "As if you could take me."_

_Arvin's eyes narrowed as he took in her figure, her straight posture and proud stance, the look of contempt lighting her eyes and her hair waving around wildly in the night air. He sneered. "I could destroy you. I could tell Jack who you are and no one would be able to save you."_

_She didn't react the way he had hoped; there was no flash of fear in her eyes nor was there a moment of indecision. "You won't tell him because you can't take the risk of what it will do to you. And even if you did, it wouldn't matter. I'll have to be leaving shortly anyway."_

_And so it was her answer that had shocked him after all. "You're leaving? What about Jack? Sydney?"_

_And there it was. The moment's hesitation. Arvin knew that it had to be there. Irina Derevko did have emotion after all. And it was for her daughter._

_And it was then that he decided that he would be active in Sydney's life; be the one that she could look up to and aspire to be. He would fill the void created by Irina's absence and that would be his revenge._

_"Don't be so sure that you are invincible Irina."_

_She merely looked at him with her mocking stare. "I think I can take care of myself Arvin."_

_End Flashback~_

And that was when she had named her list of kills. One of which was William Vaughn.

And so the pieces came together.

TBC...

Was it okay? I'm still confused about it.

But anyway, if you want some more of the pieces to come together, review and let me know what you think so that I can hurry up and write and post the next chapter. :)

Yes I did make up the part about Irina and Arvin and I'm not really sure if everything in my story matches up with ALIAS itself because I only started watching it this season even though I am now fully caught up and obsessed but please ignore any discrepancies... In my little world, this story is law... Which is why I will never have my own little world.

Never mind.

Anyway...

-Jenn


	35. The Choice

_*Note: I said "at least" 5 more chapters so don't go crazy~_

** Please review~ Believe it or not, I actually do take ideas or gain inspiration from them and even if I don't, they make me feel pretty damn good about myself (mostly) and making the author feel good is always a good thing.**

**Even a one or two word thing will do... Just something to let me know that i'm doing all right or what I need to change. **

**I know that I shouldn't complain but...yikes, from 37 to 17 is a big drop and I'm a little confused as to what that means... does it mean that my writing is getting worse as well?**

**Okay, enough whining. I'll try to be mature... 15 is such a crazy age, even I have to admit that I am in a tumultuous and emotional time.**

**Oh, by the way: To Secret Agent Girl: My birthday is March 13.**

To: Andi Horton, miss. pebbles (for a supreme mountain of an idea), Cass (for coming back~), artemis (for nice words), and Mrs. Swearingen (i didn't know I was your favorite/ one of your favorite authors!!!!!)*and to Mrs. Swearingen's stubborn friends who for some reason don't like to review... Do it!*

Thanks you guys~

**_Okay, so I'm thinking that 740 is a nice number of reviews for me to have to give me strength and inspiration to have the next chapter up by Monday-Wednesday._**

35.

_She stood with her feet planted firmly to the ground though her hands were slightly clammy from the fine sheen of sweat that covered them. For once, her hair was tied back and out of her face so that her intentions would be shown and not construed as hidden or forced._

_She took another step forward until she was right in front of him, her eyes hard and focused on his bewildered face._

_"Sydney, what's wrong? What are you doing here?" Danny look at her, a sort of mixed love shining through his eyes._

_Sydney held up a needle, it's glistening point right in front of his face, pointing upwards so that one could not help but notice the icy point, so precise in its sharpness that it could almost not be seen. _

_And then her words, hard as steel and just as cold: "Are you going to do it or am I?"_

_There was a flurry of the moment's confusion running across his face until his eyes widened slightly in shock. "What? Why are you doing this? Who put you up to do this?"_

_His voice was strained and showed his shock and hurt._

_Betrayal indeed._

_Sydney refused to let her hand tremble and with intense mental concentration, forced her hand to stay still despite the tool of death held up so gracefully in her fingers._

_"What? I'll tell you what. You were supposed to be dead and I was supposed to avenge you. You were my motive and my strength to live on and MOVE on. And I did and I was happy. But when you came back... Danny I loved you but at this moment you are far better to me and to everyone else dead. Why? Because I can't trust you. No one can trust you._

_"Who knows what you might say or blurt out. Even if you don't mean to, you could say it in your sleep. Who knows when you might start having doubts. Suspicions? You shouldn't have died and I know that it was because of me. But your death was what led to the discovery that I was working for the enemy._

_"And I'm not going to let your ressurection destroy our fight against SD-6. I've been working against them putting my life on the line and I can't let that go. I can't even allow the possibility of letting that go go through my mind."_

**_Be strong._**__

_Sydney cleared her throat._

_"**That** is why I'm doing this."_

_Daniel didn't move, didn't speak, didn't blink, and was barely breathing. This was the ultimate form of betrayal and the only thing he couldn't believe was that it was for a good cause. That his life had been the cause of this no matter how unintentional. Good or bad. He didn't move._

_She had to stop herself from biting her lip as she took another step towards him; she was now so close that she could see the slight shimmer of sweat appear on his forehead, his eyes still piercing through her as he tried to figure out what she really wanted._

_She hid all her feelings and emotions, leaving nothing for him to find. Which was an answer in of itself._

_Nodding, he reached out a hand and wrapped his fingers around the long plastic tube full of it's clear liquid, his hand resting on hers for a moment in such cherished tenderness that Sydney had to hold back a sob._

_She knew that he could thrust it into her at this very moment. But she knew he wouldn't. After all, after everything, he did still love her._

_And as he injected the liquid into his vein, his eyes fell on her bare left hand, sporting only the tiniest glimmer of silver. _

_He looked at her with pain-filled eyes and a certain understanding and, as if it hurt too much to look at her now, he closed his eyes._

Sydney's eyelids bolted open as the dream ended; she knew it had been a dream and had even told herself to wake up several times though it obviously hadn't worked. The dream had had some special hold upon her. 

And now that it was over, she had to admit she wished she could be back there than sitting here in a bed all alone and confused.

_Why would I dream that?_ Sydney shook her head lightly as she pressed a hand to Michael's side of the mattress. It was cold. He hadn't come back after all.

~:~

She looked through the pane of glass, concern almost breaking through her usually stoic and controlled exterior. Her daughter stood outside of the window, shaking ever so slightly, her hair unbrushed and her eyes taking on a glazed look.

"Sydney?"

"Mom, I just need to know one thing. When you left me and Dad, did someone force you to do it or did they give you a choice?"

Irina's eyes lightened, not expecting the question. "They told me to go."

"And why did you do it?"

She didn't know where she was going with this; didn't know why her daughter would choose this strange line of questioning to address the events of 20 some years ago.

"Because it was my job. They told me too; Jack was too close to finding out the truth and I was forming unhealthy attatchments to you and your father."

Sydney's voice was pitched higher and sounded unnatural when she spoke again. "Because you loved us and you had the choice of leaving us or us leaving you."

"Yes."

"So you sacrificed yourself because you loved me."

Irina's words were measured, slightly wary of her daughter's unusual behaviour. "I still love you Sydney."

"But you did."

A pause.

"Yes I did."

"So did Danny." The words were soft, almost as if Sydney hadn't meant to say them and they had merely come out of their own volition.

But Irina heard the words and they rung an alarm in her system. Could her daughter have this kind of sixth sense? "Sydney, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing. It was just a dream."

"What kind of a dream?"

"Nothing. It wasn't anything." She walked distractedly back, going towards the metals bars, watching dumbly as they made their way up.

As an afterthought, she turned again for a minute, leaning closer to the glass. "I dreamt that I made Danny choose who his killer would be. I gave him the choice; either I would kill him or he could kill himself. He took the sryinge. I gave him the second choice; he could kill himself or he could kill me. He chose to kill himself. I just wanted to know why you left us. If it was because of love or duty."

The words didn't make sense even to her but she had to say them, had to get them out to at least somebody.

"I'm going on my mission in two days."

"To Istanbul. Yes, I know."

"You know about Charlemot?"

"I knew of its existense and I knew of its capabilities but not enough to discern its location. I haven't kept anything from you Sydney." The words sounded hollow even to Irina's own ears.

But Sydney merely nodded and turned away.

TBC...

Short I know but hopefully good. I didn't realize that my chapters were short... I actually thought that they were a good length but I was looking at Rhonda's The Invitation a couple days ago but whoa... She had about half the chapters and double the words... Now that's dedication.

I'm going to try my hand at action in the next chapter because she will be on her mission~ 

The more reviews I get, the faster I will type so get to it~ 740+ :)

**P.S. I'm going to do some promoting right now: I am writing a new story called "A Lesson in Humility" and I would really love it if all of you read and reviewed it when it is posted. I believe that it is the most-well-written of my works and I just really like it and I hope you do too.**

-jenn


	36. So Close to Victory

****

Okay, here it is. The action-chapter. Thank you all so much for all of your feedback, they were inspiring, encouraging, wonderful to read and makes me feel thankful to all of you. It's nice to know that the decision to let other people see your writing was not one made stupidly; though one can write without reviews, it's always nice to get feedback in order to continuously improve and allow yourself to realize that there are people who read and enjoy your stuff.

So thanks to everyone.

Special Thanks to: 

__

Chele: Lately I've been seeing your reviews everywhere and I want to thank you for constant encouragement and for letting me know that I'm on your favorite author's list; it's an honor.

Secret Agent Girl: i think I might change my sn to quirkyrollingbeanlady hahahaha, okay back to the point. You are so awesome and supporting (**you better be wearing your reading glasses while you read this chapter!!!)** and I'm so glad that I now have you as a friend. It's actually easier talking to you because you live so far away... Because i don't know you extremely well or maybe because you don't know the same people i do, it's always easy to talk to you about anything. We've basically covered all the essentials anyway: guys, alias, musicals, alias, and guys. What more is there to life?

36.

"Mountaineer where are you?"

The voice was fuzzy and Sydney cautiously fiddled with the ear-piece hidden underneath her hair. Ducking her head slightly, she answered. "Two blocks away."

She had been on countless missions and had thought that she had seen everything and done everything that could possible be done. But this... This was something new. And hardly disguised.

Standing up in the middle of the near-barren streets surrounding her rose the tall, shimmering steel of the building housing the one thing she wanted more than anything in the world. Behind and in these walls lay the death for SD-6. And she was going to get it. 

"All right Mountaineer, the four guards are in position at the South and East walls and two are making there way towards the west gate. ETA 20 minutes. Go."

She nodded slightly, and walked towards the building in an almost admiring way. Readjusting her large sun-hat, she hooked her arm through Vaughn's pointing at the mighty building in front of them. "My my dahling, have you eveh, _eveh,_ seen anythin' like that before?"

She felt his eyes on her face and it took her immense strength to keep from laughing. So instead she jabbed his stomach slightly. "Sydney, it's right there." So he wasn't going to play. Well it made sense, after all this was a monumental moment in his life too. She supposed that she just wanted to completely play the part of this overly American tourist wife for a couple minutes before the mission of her life began.

Who was she kidding? It had already begun. Stepping out of public view, Sydney eyed the darkening sky before removing her tourist outfit and tossing them to the side of a nearby tree. Outfitted in a form-fitting cat-suit, she switched on her ear-piece. "Mountaineer is set to go."

"Hold it. The three guards are walking towards the eastern side but there is one more on the roof. Use the froggs."

~:~ _Flashback~:~_

"Marshall, what would you make in order to enable one to scale a wall made of steel with no hangings or anything to hold on to?"

Yes, normally it was be a rather strange question to ask anyone, particularly someone who worked for SD-6. But Marshall's social skills were inversely proportional to his technical mind and she knew she had to take the chance and hope that he would get too caught up in the question to wonder the origin of it.

"Why, do you need this for some clandestine mission? Not that you would have to tell me or could tell me or... would want to tell me especially is it was clandestine because it means "secret" you know... of course you know what clandestine means, what sort of agent doesn't know what clandestine means? Anyway, that's strange that they would tell me about something like this, I mean that they would route the question through you instead of directing it to me, like they don't trust me, not that there's anything wrong with sending you, it's just-"

"Marshall." Though she was usually amused as his klutziness with words, she had no time for it now. She smiled at him and his racing thought process. "This isn't for any mission. I just saw a picture of such a building and I was just wondering how one would scale anything like that. You know me, always thinking about mission stuff."

'"Oh. That would make sense given what you do, I mean I think about my job all the time though that is probably because my job is to think but anyway, it's good for people to stay involved- Oh, let me get to the point. I have this problem where I always digress from the subject, have you noticed that?"

She suppressed a grin and nodded.

"Okay, anyway, and mind you that this is only what I'm thinking at the spur of the moment so I'm not sure how valuable this would be if you ever had to scale this kind of building. Okay, so I'm assuming that the hook wouldn't work because the walls are solid steel with no turrets or extraneous projection and so the first think that comes to mind is gecko."

"Gecko?"

Marshall smiled at her, nodding his head slightly as thoughts formulated rapidly in his head. "For a long time, everyone thought that the little pads on geckos' feet were like suction cups but now they know that they are using covalent bonds. You see, covalent bonds are the strongest chemical bond because of the fact that they are the result of two nonmetal atoms sharing electrons as opposed to gaining or losing them. Because of this type of reaction, gecko's can climb any surface-" He holds up his hand and mimics it climbing up the wall.

"And you can make… gecko-substitutes for the hands and feet?"

"Well, probably not at the spur of the moment and of course no where near as efficient as a real gecko but... I suppose that if I took an element that reacted a special way to steel and then altered it so that it formed the same type of reaction that a gecko's feet would then something could be done. And then they would have to be magnified and adjusted to your body weight and size because you are much bigger than a gecko, of course, but you're not big or anything and you're not too skinny either. I mean, I think you're perfect... Just awesome."

Sydney smiled again at his innocent charm and quickly gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thanks Marshall, that's really interesting."

As she turned to walk away, she heard him call her name. "Hey Syd! If we ever do need them and Sloane makes it a clandestine mission and you can't talk to me about it directly for some reason and you have to pitch the idea to Sloane, can you call them "froggs" or "froggies"?"

"Why?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Well, I just think that the sounds better than "geckos.""

Sydney laughed. "Okay Marshall. They will definitely be called froggs if we ever use them."

~:~

She slipped on the gloves and pulled the stocking-style oversized socks over her shoes.

"I'm all set. Vaughn, how's video surveillance?"

There was a pause. 

"Hold on a second... I just need about ten more seconds to loop."

She waited.

"Go."

Walking cautiously to the outer wall, she pressed a finger onto the cool metallic surface. Unsurprisingly it stuck and though this had been practiced back at headquarters, there was something about scaling a hundred foot wall with no supporting line that changed the stakes this time around. So she pressed her entire hand onto the wall, followed by the other, and then her feet. 

And she was up. It wasn't even hard, it was more as if something was pulling her to the wall. Yet when she removed her hand to climb, it was surprisingly easy. _So this is what it's like to be a gecko._

"Boy Scout, how's the guard on the roof?"

"Making his normal rounds at the corner of north and east. At your pace, he should be at the other end of the building by the time you're on."

She nodded and looked up, if only so she wouldn't look down and moved steadily upwards. 

"Syd, how far do you have left until you reach the top?"

Sydney bit her lip and looked upwards at the distant end to her climb. "About 30 feet."

Vaughn hesitated. "The East guard doubled back and he's coming back to the South gate."

"I can't just go back down."

"Yeah I know, but you'll be 70 feet up, do you think that if you flatten out, he won't see you?"

"We can hope."

"Okay, go for about 2 more minutes and then flatten."

She crept on.

~:~

"Okay, Syd, do it now."

She inched her arms and legs apart so that she stood stuck on the wall, looking for anything like a large ink splatter. Hopefully the cover of darkness would do its job and cover her after all.

And waited.

At the same time she heard a muffled shout coming from the ground below, came Vaughn's low voice in her ear. "Oh shit."

Her voice was a tight whisper. "What?"

There was no response and Sydney finally looked down to see a man still clad in tourist-y shorts cleanly disarming the guard below with a sharp blow to the gut and a twist of the wrist. The movement looked smooth and effortless from her vantage point but she heard the sound of his harsh breathing. "Go."

Without stopping she clambered on, gaining building confidence in the round bumps attached to her gloves. Hopefully they would sustain her just a little longer.

And they did. Quickly building up her momentum to transfer her weight onto her hands, she flipped over the top of the building and landed on the floor with a slight thud.

~:~

She could see the back of the other guard about 20 feet away but opted to be stealthy and try to get down into the building without arousing any suspicion. The more they could make this a "smash and grab" job (if one were to overly simplify the situation), the better off they would be. 

Slipping off the gloves and socks and instead slipping on Marshall's latest invention- the cooling body suit- she gingerly removed the metal tiling, smiling softly to herself as she felt victory so close. Looking down into the space, she saw everything that her mother had warned her about. 

__

~:~

"Sydney, I need you to know something. I told your father that I knew of Charlemot but not its location. Now when I said this, I was being entirely truthful but now that you have discovered the location of this disk, I have to tell you that I am familiar with it. If I had known that the disk was there all that time.." Irina paused before regaining her train of thought.

"What I mean is that three years ago, I had extensive contacts in Istanbul and a section of it operated in that building. Thinking about, I think I may have an idea as to where exactly the disk may be located.

Several years ago, I had in my possession about 15 pages of the Rambaldi manuscript and had negotiated an exchange in Istanbul. When I got there, I demanded the most extravagant vault but found that it had already been taken and leased years ago. I think that that is where the disk is. "

Her gaze was strong, unwavering and Sydney could not help but feel that same amazement that overcame her senses whenever she found a new limit or lack thereof of her mother's intellectual capabilities. First her ability to remember mine locations from decades ago and now this… If she had an ulterior motive, then it definitely wasn't clear to her.

"Now keep in mind that the first 17 floors are all offices and legitimate government-financed dealings. You might expect that all the dealing happen underground or on lower levels but that's not true. It all takes place in the top; farther away from the people, farther away from the ground, farther away from the entrance yet closest to the roof where they have 24 hour access to their own private helicopter. 

If I am remembering this correctly- and I like to think that I am-, There are three corridors branching off from the roof tile that the CIA has informed you about. I am assuming that there is an undercover agent working one of the lower levels so I think you know most of this already but the doors down the leftmost corridor go in order of importance though the pattern is not linear. They go by thirds."

Sydney looked at her mother, speaking though she was clearly inside of that building and retracing every step she took, rearranging and taking out all the information that she had stored in her head for all these years.

"Thirds? What does that mean?"

"The pattern is in thirds and in alternating corridors. So the first door on the left is followed by the first on the right but then goes to the second door on the right and going back to the left side of the corridor. However, every third power of the third door, that is ever ninth door, the order reverses."

Sydney closed her eyes in order to see at least a glimpse of what her mother was seeing so clearly. "Okay."

"I am thinking that if the disk is not in the first door which should by the last door on the right side unless it has been demoted, that it should be in one of the last two doors on either side."

That she had been told. "Yes I know."

"Okay. Watch out, there are cameras everywhere though they are heat sensitive and they cannot be changed to body-temperature like we did on our last mission together. Each camera can be turned off with the use of a 4 digit code that changes every 3 hours but it would be easier to circumvent that any way you can."

She stopped and looked up at her daughter once more, eyes shining in apparent pride. "That's all I know but I hope you know what to do."

She smiled, understanding the true message of her mother's words. "I will. I do."

~:~

Three corridors. There they were with their shining tile floors and carpeted gray walls. She headed off towards the leftmost one as her mother had said and quickly made sure that her outfit was on the right way before entering and quickly scanning the doors with her eyes.

__

One two three three two one on two three three two one three two one one two three three two one one to three three to one one to three one two three…

She stopped in front of the blue door. Behind it could lie everything that she had ever wanted to find. All the information that she could want. Kneeling, she looked at the handle carefully, looking at the intricate design engraved on it, making sure that the picture was one of the dragon, matching all major points and creating the formation of a two.

~:~

__

The intel we received also tells us that part of the identification process is both pictography and numerology. These two are combined and, as a luxury, the investors are allowed to choose their own person identifications. The numbers shown for the Charlemot account are 258822942. All of the other numbers are garbage in the number factor, the repeated number is two and the swtching back and forth of the numbers in respective addition and subtraction also come out to two. When the numbers are all placed on their coordinate graph it spells out the Chinese symbol for dragon. So that is what you are looking for. Is this clear?"

~:~

She crammed in the tiny metal pole, shifting it until it came into full contact with the lock and she heard the soft click from the other side. 

The door opened softly and we walked into it, apprehensive of what she would find, what was waiting for her in there.

TBC…

Wow, this chapter was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Okay, so it's not **that **action-packed but I promise that the next one will be if I can actually do it… it's an exciting prospect it really is.

Anyway, I hope it wasn't too confusing and If it was, then I hope that you guys just take it as something really smart that they understand and we can only guess at because I'm not sure I understood everything I wrote either. I all just came out and, as you know, I don't do any pre-writing because I'm too lazy. 

So, I hope you enjoyed it and I promise that the next one will come reasonably soon… the ending looms closer, I'm guessing maybe 4-5 chaps.

-Jenn


	37. A Time to Kill

****

If THIS IS MARCH 13, THEN HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Okay, before I do anything else, I have to thank **Julie**. Wow, your review completely made my day; thank you so much for all of your enthusiasm and support; it's nice to know that people enjoy my writing~ 

And, it actually gave me inspiration to write this chapter, I thought I was going to go** brain-dead for at least a week** after I went on that writing spree and posted** 6 stories On Sunday** but here I am on Monday, writing again (though I probably won't finish today). 

****

Oh, that reminds me; thanks to all of you who reviews those six~

There are **definitely 4 more (long) **chapters left just to bring this story to an even 40. There might be more if I decide I don't want to write super-long chapters and break them up instead but you get what I mean.

2** cliffhanger**s that I know are going to happen will come up in this chap and then the next just **because you all know how much i love my cliffhangers** and **I'm evil** like that. The ending will be Ch. 39 God willing and then** 40 will be the grand finale.**

Oh my goodness, i think that's the first time I've thought in advance about one of my stories :)

Any luck with the Far From Home code?

****

MY B-DAY = ON THURSDAY!!!! SWEET SIXTEEN!

37.

It wasn't anything especially mystical or mind-boggling. It was just an ordinary room. Well, perhaps it wasn't mundane but it was a far cry from some of the other highly-protected devices that she had retrieved. Letting the door close gently behind her, she faced the middle of the room where the glass case lay. And the wild maze of red lasers that criss-crossed their way across the floor. 

Taking a deep breath, she raised a leg over the first beam; it was surprisingly easy considering that this mission could dictate the rest of her life. 

Weaving her way around, under, and over the red beams, she slowly, carefully made her way towards the center of the room. She had been going for about ten minutes when she felt the sweat start to drip and mist her body and she bit her lip in more concentration, willing herself to be even more in control of herself now that she was physically aware how tired she was. 

Arms still aching from her climb, she stood up in the lone square where she could rest for a minute, closing her eyes and just knowing that the final solution to the complications in her life lay mere feet away. A small smile swept over her face and and took a deep breath, getting ready to start again when she heard something.

It was just a small slight noise, a short _whirring_ sound and it took Sydney a moment to fully recognize what it was before her eyes widened in horror. 

The beams moved.

Two seconds later, she stood stock still, in shock, looking at the beam that sliced through her legs, touching her, claiming her to be intruding. Fighting the sudden sense of desolation and the tears that sprang up her eyes, she disregarded all the other beams in her way and ran towards the case in the middle of the room. Jamming an elbow into the glass roof, she felt a sort of gladness in the sickening crack of the glass under her pressure, as if it were the outlet for all of her anguish.

She picked up the small square velvet-covered parcel in the case and heard the distant rumblings of footsteps on the staircase that went up to this floor. She cursed, she wouldn't have enough time to check the parcel. "Vaughn... I've been made." The words were disgusting to her, as if she was admitting her defeat against the only true enemy in her life. She shook the thoughts out of her and concentrated on the door that marked the only exit in the room.

Running towards it, she could vaguely hear Vaughn's words in her ear but was unable to concentrate. They could still win; the package was with her, hidden in the lining of her suit; she could still win. She placed her hand on the doorknob and yanked it open.

Only it wouldn't open.

Letting out a small shriek of frustration, she dropped to her knees, feeling the tickling sensation of sweat dripping down her forehead and onto her cheek. There was no time to wipe it away, she quickly checked to see if there was anyway she could open it but there was only a small diamond shaped hole etched into the smooth metal. In a dizzyingly quick epiphany, she drew out the velvet parcel once more and opened it. There was the disk, Charlemot, which would change her life completely. And there was the slender metal pole lying beside it, smoothly linear and straight until the end where it pointed into a twisting dragon.

In the shape of a diamond.

She thrust it into the handle almost frantically, hearing the footsteps growing gradually louder. To her relief the door swung open with a tiny click. Looking at the carpeted gray wall in front of her, she noticed a faint shadow on it and smiled, once again in control of her situation. 

Jumping in both a forward and sideways direction, she swung her leg up to kick whoever happened to be there. But there was no one, only a bag leaning against the wall. She felt the sudden hard impact of a foot pressing against her lower back, cramming her to the floor and then pressing her against it. She was now suddenly, unmistakably aware of the small gun lodged in her shoe, was missing it terribly now that she also felt the cold steel of a gun pressing against her neck. 

The implication was obvious.

She closed her eyes and sunk against the floor, her breathing elongating and relaxing as she fell so suddenly limp, surprising the person behind her, making him falter for a second and bring his gun slightly upwards to see if she truly was unconscious. 

And that was all she needed. Putting her weight into her arms and hands, she pushed against them gently in order to swing a leg around and under the guard, completely sweeping him off his feet and causing him to land with a deafening thud onto the floor. Even dazed, the man was alert, inching his hand towards his weapon. Sydney stomped on the gun and then flicked it away with a twist of her heel, hearing it crash against the wall. 

The man leaped forward, grabbing her arms and using her resistance to pull himself up before swinging at her. She jumped artfully back and kicked his hand away with a flawless roundhouse. But he recovered quickly and scored a shot to her stomach that she didn't see coming. She bent over it for a second, conceding to her instinct to reach for the wound and not the weapon.

But her training had created a new nuscle memory in her and she remebered and grabbed the gun from her shoe in her doubled position and sprang back up, pointing it in the guard's face telling him to back off. But he knew what room she had come from and what she had in her possession and he knew that should he let her go, he would only be in for an even more painful fate. So he lunged again.

Eyes widening slightly, she tilted the gun at a different angle and fired the bullet into the man's knee, causing him to fall and tumble to the floor; almost silmultaneously she heard a shot fired at her leg, and felt the terror and adrenaline rush up as she ran back up the corridor and to the tiling that still lay open. The bullet had ricocheted innto the wall, embedded deep in the carpeting and she turned to fire off three more shots before scrambling onto the roof. And there was the guard that she expected, waiting for her. She still heard Vaughn's terse breathing in her headset and, not wanting to have to deal with the man in front of her, quickly disarmed him and rendered him unconscious with a quick spray from the can Marshall had made for her long ago. Episode = Page 47

She ran without hesitating to the edge and jumped, activating the parachute that the CIA had placed in the lining of her outfit, copying once again one of Marshall's inventions.

The single shot rang through the air, slicing through the otherwise quiet night, tearing through the fabric of her chute, causing her to wince slightly at her accelerated descension. As she neared closer to the ground and saw the black SUV pull up, she pulled out her knife to cut the strings and she raced to the open door and got in. 

Only then she did allow herself to rub her stomach.

She heard Vaughn's concerned voice and felt his loving words wash over her like a warm shower. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

His relieved sigh brought a smile to her face. "You want to know if I got the disk?" she asked almost laughing.

"I already know you did. I knew that there wouldn't be anything able to stop you."

~:~

"All right, let's see what's in this baby," Weiss took out the disk and placed in into the computer, waiting. It wasn't long before the little box popped up on the screen, announcing "Charlemot" in block letters.

Sydney studied the expression on Eric's face, the sudden intent look that crossed his features, so different from his usual banter. She saw his eyes slightly widen as he uttered the soft words. "Holy Shit."

She turned to look at the screen and felt her own mouth drop ever so slightly. Down the black drop scrolled hundred of names, profiles, information in an endless horde of characters. And down at the end she saw the Intel that she had yearned for for years. 

How to take down SD-6.

Michael's voice was soft with wonder. "We... We should tell Kendall... about this." 

~:~

"Listen up everybody, Agents Bristow and Vaughn had recently retrieved an invaluable piece of Intel which will now enable us to bring down the Alliance through the use of the contacts. During these last few hours, we have sent agents to stand post at the residences of the people that this disk has been able to give us. They are now standing there, waiting for our signal and they are there to make sure that we can get this done once and for all.

"So we are going to rush in and ambush at the same time that the other agents will rush the Alliance members' homes. Your appointed group leaders will fill you in on the details. Be safe. Stay alive. And come home."

They all nodded at him, still unable to fully comprehend that their work in the past few years would finally be brought to a close. It gave them hope, that all things could be accomplished in due time.

The agents began to filter out of the room to their respective groups to receive the complete details and plans. When they had all gone out the double doors, there were only two remaining.

Agent Bristow took out a small pen and clicked the end of end before nodding at the young man in front of him. "I have you covered. We go now."

Vaughn was confused. "We have all the neccessary Intel already; we are going to bring down the Alliance in a matter of hours. Why is this _murder_ still necessary?" He felt an unfamiliar coldness come over him and grab him heart, making him shudder with sickness. He had never believed that he would actually do this, that he would ever volunteer to participate in the murder of another individual. Yet here it was. Back to bite him in the ass. And it didn't even make sense to him anymore; he could not see why Daniel Hecht could not be allowed to live. 

Jack was suddenly very close to him, his eyes steely and hard. "It is in the moments when victory is so close that it can be smelled that one must be at his most alert. Just because it's almost here does not mean that the danger does not exist. We have the tools and the means to shut down the Alliance but _as of now_ Arvin Sloane is still a free man and as far as we know, can be talking to Daniel Hecht at this very moment.

"Are _you willing_ to risk him casting doubt on Sydney and I right when we need him to trust us the most? Does his life and the benefit of having him live outweigh the consequences that might occur if he should lose control of his already shaky mind? Are you willing to assume the responsibility for the failure of the CIA to take down one of the most dangerous groups in the world because you do not want to kill?

"When and only when you can say "yes" to all of these questions with a degree of certainty that would fool any lie detector test, then that is when you should protest. Otherwise, think of the bigger picture. This agency and it's goals does not revolve around Daniel's life and his effect on Sydney. It focuses on his life and its impact on the world. So get that through your head."

~:~

At 4:30, Senior Agent Jack Bristow called in a technician to fix a technical error that was of such that none of the technical staff could untangle it. And the ones that could were sent away to other errands. 

At 4:45, a shiny white van with the emblem "Computers R US" emblazoned on it, pulled into the parking garage of the prestigious bank Credit Dauphine. 

At 5:00 the technician was escorted into a room by Jack Bristow himself where he received everything he would need.

The door was shut and locked so that he would be given his privacy to extricate this intricate problem.

At 5:01, he took off his hat, revealing tousled blond hair and then he set up the cameras so that he was watching Daniel's room and the corridors surrounding it. 

~:~

Jack Bristow had been sanctioned to have one hour alone with Daniel Hecht. He put his briefcase down on the wooden table and sat down, setting up the lie detector. "Hello Daniel."

"Hello Mr. Bristow." The reply was short yet courteous, one that a son-in-law might have to a feared father. 

"This is the last day that you will have to be here if you pass this test. It is a lie detector and it will also simultaneously factor in your recent experiences, your mental health, your heart rate, and your pupil dialation in with your answer to give us the most comprehensive personality and truth analysis known to man. 

"It will check your breathing also. When this is all computed, SD-6 itself will judge you and decide ourselves if you are trustworthy and reliable to be let out of here and into the regular world again. There is a great deal of trust here Daniel. Are you ready to earn it?"

His reply was sure. Even relieved. "Yes."

Jack set up the machine and began attatching tubes and wires to Danny's chest and fingers. 

"We'll start off easy. Take a couple of deep breaths."

He did.

"What is your name?"

~:~

"All teams are set in their positions sir."

"All right. Tell them to go."

And it was at that moment that 12 groups of CIA agents ambushed various SD cells and Alliance facilities all around the world. 

~:~

"What feelings do you have regarding your current situation?"

Daniel reminded himself to be truthful.

"I am bitter and a little resentful of course but I do realize that because it is such a secret branch of the CIA, it is perfectly reasonable that I go through all of these and must prove my loyalty."

The machine showed his impulses and responses to be steady.

~:~

Pandemonium had yet to begin though wires to cameras were being cut and men and women clad in black and armed with guns began to group together around the main doors.

~:~

Michael felt that worried feeling come over him again as he watched Jack and his conversation with Daniel, knowing that soon he would be witnessing a murder. Every so often he would check the hallways but he found it an almost morbid fascination to watch this unfold, watching at how controlled the mind of Jack Bristow really was.

~:~

"Do you still love Sydney Bristow?"

"Of course I do."

"Would you die for love, Mr. Hecht?"

"I already have."

~:~

The first micro-bomb was thrown into the room and the smoke immediately began to spew forth in a wild column of dense mist.

There were shouts and cries already and a few gunshots rang out every couple minutes, a defense mechanism used so that one could get their bearings.

~:~

Jack put on the thick black gloves, sensing Danny's inquisitive gaze already landing on his motion. "I'm working with sensitive material here Mr. Hecht. I'm sorry that this is so tedious but we will now have to take the test once more this time with this truth serum in order to completely verify your answers as best we can."

Daniel nodded.

"This will hurt for a second."

Jack removed a small vial of clear liquid from the briefcase and slowly filled his needle. It was now only a matter of time. He had ten minutes before it lost its potency.

"Where?"

"Your arm."

He could feel the heat through his gloves already as he watched the man sitting in front of him rolling up his sleeves in preparation.

~:~

"What's going on here?"

Arvin Sloane stood up at his desk as he realized that the riot downstairs had begun to move upwards. Quickly checking his monitors, his eyes closed as his face went lax. 

"Check the prisoner."

~:~

Vaughn had to restrain himself from twisting his hands. He could see now that Jack was going to do it any seconds now. 

Any second now.

~:~

Someone crashed into her, the weight of his body coming down upon her like a dead weight, cramming her to the ground. Quickly, she lept to her feet, pushing the man away and leaping quickly to one side as he grabbed for her.

The clouds of smoke were beginning to clear and she saw the man get up and charge again, this time leaning back she lunged and suceeding in delivering a hard blow to her abdomen. She felt herself pushed backwards against the wall from the force of the blow, the wind knocked completely out of her.

Swallowing the pain, she dropped the man down onto the floor with a swift slicing kick and then leaned heavily against the wall, barely able to keep her eyes open from the blinding pain that rippled throughout her entire body.

She felt the familiar hands of Eric Weiss touch her shoulder. "Syd, are you okay?"

She winced. "Yeah, I'm fine."

There was a pause and then she looked at him, eyes full of sorrow and unshed tears. "But I'm not sure about the baby."

~:~

"_Shit"_ Vaughn knew that this couldn't be good. The big burly man was walking deliberately towards the door, looking wary, gun in hand.

"Jack. _Jack,_ get out of there. NOW. You've been made."

The door flew open; obviously the lock had not done its job. "So have you."

****

TBC...

Well, you guys didn't get the action I promised you in the last chapter so I hope that this one fulfilled your longing for some and hopefully left you pining for more :)

So yeah, I started this on Monday and then finished it on Wednesday and will be posting it tomorrow which is Thursday which is incidentally...

MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Happy sweet 16th to me~ lol.

-Jenn

(review... If you ever want the results to this triple-cliffhanger [syd/vaughn/jack]... I still have one up my sleeve).


	38. A Final Retaliation

**_An Undefinable Sweetness_**

**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:**

**"Last Chapter on ALIAS": **

**:::**

Eric: Syd, are you all right?

Sydney: Yeah... but I'm not sure about the baby.

dun dun duuuuuunnnnnnnnn!

**:::**

Jack: Would you die for love Mr. Hecht?"

Danny: "I already have."

...

Jack: This is a truth serum which I will inject into you arm. It might sting for just a second. _check out my use of dramatic irony ;) _

...

Vaughn: Jack! Get out of there. NOW! You've been made.

Mystery Man: So have you.

**:::**

_All right, so hopefully you haven't lost interest and you're rarin' to go so I'll keep this sweet and short._

_Thank you to..._

_Kat:__ Haha, I love it that you like everything I write... You must have a huge number of friends ;) Anyway, you laugh but it's so true. You have now joined the favorite person list ;) Hope you keep on reading and liking the story (oh, and I hope your brother does too)._

_Secret Agent Girl: __Damn, I feel like half the chapters in this story are dedicated to you. It's probably true and it's not a big deal because it's my choice and it's not like you didn't dedicate anything to me ;) Lol... **PUT ON YOUR READING GLASSES! DO YOU WANT TO END UP A BLIND WOMBAT OR SOMETHING? PUT THEM ON!!!!!** and enjoy the story~ -quirkybeangirl_

_Dream Writer 4 Life:__ Yeah... You are also one of the people that I dedicate a LOT too but what can I say? Your reviews continue to inspire, encourage, and change the way I write. I have to say that you are probably one of the only people that I can accept constructive criticism from because after I read it from you, I can see the mistake glaring out at me too. So yes, though you may run out of adjectives while you review, I'm pretty sure I will always have something to say to you in dedications. :)_

_Ryanne:__ Wow, I am so amazed and impressed that you have gotten so caught up in the story even though you started late. I have used certain suggestions, incorporated things you said... you are a giant source of constant support and ideas. Are you one of my muses?_

**38. **

"Syd?" Eric's eyes seemed to be a little bigger, bulging out of their sockets like some cartoon characters. Though he had wondered about his friends' relationship this past month, her statement brought the intensity of it all too clearly to his mind. And he knew that for them to have had sex, the relationship must have reached farther than he thought. _I didn't like the one-date-sex-thing so this is different. They waited a little bit like good boys and girls ;) _

She was already struggling to her feet, using her hands to push against the wall. She turned to him. "Don't talk about it. Don't say anything. Just wait until this is all over. _Please_." Her face was white with shock and pain though she had been through so much more before. The prospect of losing another loved one was horrifying to her. 

Eric nodded but attempted to usher her back to the entrance. "Syd, you shouldn't be here. What were you thinking-"

She whirled around in sudden energy and vitality that he jumped back, knowing full-well what she was capable of. "I was thinking that this is going to be one of the biggest victories of my life; one that I have worked _years_ for. Why do you think Vaughn doesn't know? He wouldn't have let me come and that would have drived me _crazy_. I should be here. And so I am."

He looked at her. "_ONE of the biggest victories of your life._ Tell me Sydney, what are your other ones? Marriage? Family? Are you willing to risk that just to witness a crummy old building fall down? You've already destroyed SD-6 Sydney. It's already gone. Why do you want to see the caracas rotting? Just stay outside; you'll still be able to see Arvin Sloane taken out in handcuffs. You'll still see everything and know that you were the cause of it. Just be safe and don't risk what you don't have to." 

She was speechless; this was one of the only times that Eric had spoken to her so seriously and she had to admit that his words went straight to her heart. She looked around her at the swirling dust and the crumbling walls, the CIA agents clothed in black leading out colleagues that she recognized and knew so well. Dixon. Feeling his confused and angry gaze upon her, she felt her strength leave her body and she turned around. "All right." She stated softly before walking out into the open. 

~:~

Jack froze at the sound of Vaughn's voice and closed his eyes to keep the disappointment from turning into rage. No matter the outcome, he had to remain in control of himself. He stood right outside of the door, ignoring the confused words coming out of Danny's mouth.

With a look that could crack stone, He silenced him and he waited, preparing himself. The door was being unlocked, he heard the tiny metal clicking on the other side.

And then it flew open, a man as big as the door walking in, gun in hand. "Jack Bristow." 

The words were said, heavy as stones and sent into the walls of the room. Jack stepped in front of the guard, quickly kicking the gun out of his grip into the wall a few feet away. After a moment's surprise, the guard jumped forward, lunging at Jack's coiled figure with clenched fists.

Realizing the tool in his hand, He swiped the needle at the guard, fencing his hands out of the way, knowing the wall was only a few feet away and he would be cornered. He swiped the sharp edge at the empty air repeatedly, aiming in the general direction of the man's hands as he lunged and attempted to grab Jack by the arms, each time blocked by the slashing needle.

Using the wall as springboards, he ran backwards towards it and pushed off slightly into the man rushing towards him, finally able to stick the needle straight into his chest.

And the screaming started, the man's face turned red as sweat began to form on his forehead and drip down his face. He slowly sank to the floor, his energy draining out of his with every second of life that passed his by, his arms shaking slightly as his face relaxed and contracted, switching every couple seconds.

The pool of sweat around him grew, draining his life and evaporating the Bendolyne Peroxide from his system. __

Jack turned to Danny, his mouth set into a line, his face controlled as he observed the other man's shocked expression, mouth open in a noiseless scream, eyes focused on the dying man lying mere feet away from him.

"Truth serum."

"The Final Test." And with those words, he brought a fist down on Daniel's head, rendering him unconscious. 

He checked his watch, cursing, knowing that it had been ten minutes already and that the serum had lost all potency. Delivering it would be akin to injecting him with water. Knowing that he would come to in a matter of minutes, Jack quickly left the room, locking it behind him.__

_~:~_

"You."

For Michael was looking into the face that he had only seen in pictures and on camera.

The man's face was quizzical as the pieces came together in his head. He smiled. "Yes. Me. Hello Mr. Vaughn. I was told that you were merely another civilian."

"That _is_ what most think." Whatever happened, whatever the cost, he had to keep Arvin Sloane guessing. As long as he was at least slightly confused about Sydney's loyalties even if Jack's were found out, she would have a chance. And that was a risk worth dying for. 

Sloane shook his head, still smiling. "I'm tired of playing games Michael though I realize that we haven't even started." He placed a hand in his jacket, pulling out a gun. "So I'm just going to cut this short. Get on your knees, place your hands behind your head, look down at the floor and don't move."

Eyes closing in seeming despair, Vaughn slowly sunk to the floor.

~:~

Sydney paced around the parking lot, shrugging off the blanket that someone had placed around her shoulders. She wasn't cold, she was anxious.

 She didn't know what was happening and couldn't even believe that she was not a part of the action. Weiss' words were losing their hold and all she could do was wait.

Nervous energy filled her entire body until she felt as if her nervousness was coming out of every pore and she strained her eyes to watch the tiny trickle of people walking out the doors. She felt a sigh of relief when she recognized the gawky frame of Marshall being led out in no apparent injury and felt her heart settle a little more when she saw her father walk out the doors even with a discouraged look on his face. 

She stood on her tiptoes, looking for the blond head that she knew would be around somewhere. She felt sudden happiness fill her heart, as if she knew that freedom was close and that she would finally be the one to receive it. Perhaps Weiss was right in saying that this goal had already be accomplished and that she should now look to the next ones. 

And they included Vaughn.

Her smiled faltered a bit when she didn't see him or anyone his size in her sightline but was heartened when she saw the circle form around the building, blocking off all the exits of the building.

Victory was so close.

~:~

The voice on the megaphone was Kendall's. "Arvin Sloane, come out with your hands behind your head."

And it surprised everyone when he did. He walked simply and surely out of the shadow and protection of the doorway until one shoulder and his face was in plain view. One arm was behind his head, the other shrouded from view.

And it seemed as if everything went in slow motion. Sydney watched his mouth move in one last speech.

His eyes found hers and she shuddered at his fatherly smile. His voice was still benevolent if laced with a bitterness she had not heard before. 

"I trusted you Sydney. I loved you like my own daughter. But I suppose loyalties don't exist anymore. And I guess one fiancé wasn't enough to teach you not to betray me." 

His words became more and more stressed as fear filled her heart. Biting her lips in order to keep her tears at bay, she once more looked over the crowd, begging with her entire soul that he might be out there.

"So you are looking for someone? I'm surprised. You should know that this isn't the time to bluff." He walked out further and then her breath stopped. Though one arm was indeed behind his head, the other was stretched out, his hand holding a gun, pointing at someone was standing behind the door. 

_Don't shoot_. It was a mental message to everyone, a message containing fear and a sudden desperation.

And before anyone could make a decision, a single shot rang out in the air, followed by the thud of a falling body.

And Sydney's noiseless scream.

**TBC**

**~review**


	39. Outcome

**An Undefinable Sweetness**

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Yostamaca:_You are my god too... haha your reviews make me laugh (i'm glad at least one person got the humor in the fake TBC in Mornings)_

_Andi Horton:__ No problem, I hope you're feeling better (you're terrific too!)_

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**39.**

Her eyes were open wide in horror that she was unable to stop, couldn't hold it in for the life of her, felt it spilling out of her system, gates crashing down. She saw the body thud and fall heavily from the safety of the door, saw the familiar tousled blond hair...

The next two shots that fired took Sloane down but she didn't notice, couldn't even see her victory because she could feel the word crumbling in front of her very eyes. She ignored the rising dust, the flood of people rushing in, leaving the first body forgotten and lying in the rubble.

Choking back a sob, she didn't move as she felt the heavy blanket fall from her shoulders and slide onto the ground. She merely walked on the solid concrete, acutely aware of the effort it took to take each step closer.

She sunk to her knees, eyes open in wonderment and a lack of comprehension. And then the tears came as she saw the blood splattered all over his shirt, soaking through the fabric and wetting the ground. She bent her head towards his face, eyes looking at his closed ones, willing them to open, willing his lax face to revive and come to life once more. Even as she felt a sort of guilty relief. But then it was swallowed by her sorrow and she felt the pain run acutely through her.

She leaned on her palms, rocking back and forth in silent suffering though there was something inside of her telling her that there was something more.She brought her forehead to his, eyes closing in pain as she felt how it was still warm from the life that had been so abruptly taken from him. "This wasn't supposed to happen," she whispered fiercely, pressing back the tears. "You weren't supposed to end up like this." She leaned a little harder on him, begging him to take off some of the weight that held her captive, dragged her down, consumed her. 

And then she felt eyes watching her, the hairs on her neck prickled slightly as she felt the gaze from behind her. Getting off of her hands, she turned slowly around. And saw him standing there with an unsure expression on his face, his hand lifted mere inches from her shoulder as if he was about to lay it there. There was a small cut above his eye and he stood anxiously as if unsure of his place in life. His place in her life.

She was speechless, the words stuck in her mouth and throat as she saw the uncertainty fly across his face. She knew what he was thinking.

She took his hand in hers, tugging slightly, asking him to come down to her, needing him there. He sunk to her side, still confused, still worried as she broke down sobbing, seeking comfort in his arms.

And then he remembered himself and remembered her and brought his arms tightly around her, patting her head softly and brushing away her tears with the pad of his thumb, his heart breaking while she wept.

"Syd..."

"Don't." Her words were sure, there was no room for any questions. She needed him to hold her, needed to feel the circle of his arms clasping her to him with the same urgency that she felt pulsing through her right now. She looked up at him, eyes shining with tears and she looked at his face. "I thought it was you."

Michael looked at her, saw the strains receding from her face as she took in every detail. 

"I thought that it was your body and I couldn't find you and I thought that he shot you..." She shuddered slightly, placing her arms around him and hugging him with such ferociousness that all he could do was let her. "And then I walked closer and I saw his hair and I felt sure in my heart that it was you lying there bleeding on the floor." Her sobs were laced with a kind of wonderment. 

She kissed him lightly, as if making sure that he was real and not a figment of her imagination. "It's you."

Vaughn nodded. "It's me. Sydney, I would never leave you. You have to believe that." He brought her trembling hand to his lips and kissed them all the while keeping eye contact. "Syd... we should go."

She nodded but turned back to the man lying in front of her, still feeling the sorrow fresh across her heart. She spoke to Vaughn though she didn't look at him, almost as if it were an afterthought. "I saw him lying there and I felt happiness. How awful is that? I was glad that he wasn't you. And then I realized that it didn't matter that he wasn't you because he was himself. And then the injustice of it all just hit me; he didn't deserve this fate, Michael."

"I know sweetie." The guilt gnawed at him even as he thanked the heavens that this had not been his doing. He would never have been able to take it; seeing her go through such raw suffering would have killed him.

She brushed the hair away from the cold forehead, ran a finger along his slight scar. "He didn't deserve this, Michael. He died again and it was my fault; no person should have to go through that twice."

He didn't know whether she was talking about herself or not but knew that it would still be true either way. 

He pressed his lips against her hair, an act of comfort she didn't know she needed until she received it. She brought a hand to her shoulder and held his, feeling a unity that she hadn't had in a long time.

And so this is how it ended.

She clenched her jaw to stop her face from contracting from her tears and she pressed open a closed eyelid. After verfying the color, she mutely let it close again. Her hand raised and went down to the neckline of his shirt and pressed it down until she saw the small birthmark surrounded by freckles. Danny had wanted her to be sure.

She was sure. She turned her head to look back at Vaughn and he somehow sensed a change over her, knew she was ready. He lifted her up gently and walked with her back into the crowd, knowing that she wouldn't want to talk while tears were still so close to the surface. 

They ignored the other people around them though they had started celebrating and questioning and talking already. The only thing that Sydney was sure of was Vaughn's arm wrapped so securely around her shoulders and the inexplicable happiness that he was there to give her such support. 

~:~

It wasn't until later that night that she loosened up a bit and turned back into the Sydney he knew. She walked up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist, kissed the nape of his neck so that she could be sure that it was him under her fingers, that she was fortunate enough to have him there. 

He turned to her, lightly pressing his lips against her forehead. "Sydney, are you all right?"

She looked up at him and behind the sorrow that still lurked, he saw a brightness that he had missed, the brightness that had first caused him to fall in love with Sydney Bristow and the brightness that had given him hope for their future. 

"Michael-" The name still sounded unfamiliar to her lips. "I almost lost you today. And I just can't let you stand there thinking about what you saw. I _love _you. With all my heart, with all the strength of my being,_ I love you_."

He smiled at her, remembering that morning only a few months ago when he had first declared his feelings for her. He kissed her lightly and stroked her cheek. "I love you too Syd."

Her eyes closed and he knew that no matter what else happened, he had to be there for her tonight. And for all the nights following that. "Please don't stop kissing me. I have to know that you're still here." He grinned a little though he was a little chagrined at the outcome of the day; this day that was to represent the new beginning of their lives together. Had begun with death.

And though the love was there, was present between the two of them, their kisses were filled more with urgency, the need for the knowledge of existence, the want of the other person just to know that one wasn't alone in the world. When it started getting too pressed, He held her hands, pulling back. "Syd, I don't think that tonight is the best night for-"

Mutely she placed a finger softly against his lips, silencing his words. With a searching look on her face, she slowly, silently, traced the outline of his lips, the soft skin of his eyelids, the contours of his face. And then she traced the path her finger had taken with her own lips not for the sake of kissing but for remembrance; to have the feeling of this one moment forever. She reached his lips, hesitating when there was only a breath left between them. She laid a hand on his chest, felt the steady, if slightly accelerated, beat of his heart. 

Looking at her hand and then at him, she locked eyes with his own, letting her gaze break down all of his arguments, letting him understand the feelings that had gone through her as she lightly let her lips land on his. Still watching him, she let her free hand drop to the first button on his shirt, unfastening it with her fingers and letting her touch sear the skin that showed through. Button by button, she released him, letting her hands roam over every inch of his chest, making sure that should she lose him in the next instant, she could remember the touch and the feel of him as both etched themselves into her memory and the tips of her fingers.

He stood still, knowing that he was doing all that he could be doing merely standing there in front of her. With every kiss he felt her pain, her relief, the absolute fear of losing another love battling with the emotion even more intense: the fear of losing love itself. With the touch of her fingers he felt himself only connecting more with her and now understood thoroughly her pain, felt as if he were helping her by taking some of it for himself. Michael looked down at the top of her head, kissed her hair as she pressed her lips against his heartbeat, wanting to memorize every beat, wanting to synchronize it with her own. 

It wasn't about lust when he eased her own shirt over her head, it wasn't desire that caused him to trace the length of her with his lips, wasn't the mere want for physical contact. Tonight, it wasn't even about love; not _mainly_ about love. It was the revelation that the other could be gone in an instant; it was the reassurance to themselves that the other was still there, lying next to them. 

Afterwards, with the smooth sheets wrapped around her, with Vaughn's arm wrapped tightly around her, her eyes were open in thought. The tension had slowly eased itself out of her body, leaving her feeling mainly gratitude. Her life had not fallen apart; she had not lost the love of her life. Feeling his thumb tracing her stomach in slow circles, she felt whole again; realizing that today was the day when everything she had ever wanted had come into place. That everything she needed was still within her reach.

Her voice softly broke through the silence that lay between them. "Michael?"

There was a slight pause before he answered."Yeah?"

"I thought I lost you today."

His arm tightened around her. "You didn't. I'm right here and I _promise _you you'll never lose me. 

"I won't let you."

She nodded, feeling his kiss on her neck.

"Michael?"

"Mm?"

And another pause as if each were unwilling to let the perfection of silence go. As if with silence came the cessation of time and they knew that they wouldn't mind staying like this for eternity. 

She felt his warm breath on her shoulder, knew that he was waiting for her to speak again.

"I'm pregnant."

**TBC**

**Say the word and I'll rewrite this chapter.**

**This one has actually been the hardest one that I have ever written and I'm not sure if I'm completely satisfied with it yet. Just tell me... I didn't pre-write but I did do a LOT of deleting and re-writing.**

**Sorry if you guys wanted to be warned about the slight smuttiness but I didn't really think of it as smut becuase it isn't about sex itself but more of a reassurance that the other is still alive, knowing that they could have lost one another... Which you know because i wrote that enough times :)**

**Hope you liked it... (Relieved?)**

**review~ (1-2 left)**

**-Jenn**


	40. They Come in A Set

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An Undefinable Sweetness

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A LOT of dedications because it's my thing and I want to:

__

speedy: thanks… it's really nice to know that there are moments when you don't have to be as insecure and weirded out about things like I am~ (Hey, when this one's done, you will have to keep track of one less fic~ lol)

Andi Horton: Whoa, I really liked your "It's over. It's done. It's good" sentence… I actually thought about ways I could incorporate that somehow into the next chap… but then I realized that tomorrow I have 4 tests and I probably should study instead…

Yostamaca: Don't be so surprised, I've wanted to mention you for awhile I just kept on forgetting (stupid brain with its short term memory!) Omg your review made me laugh so hard… and I was in the library and the lady looked at me like I was crazy but that's okay too. That's so cool that "Jennfic" is actually being used by like 3 people…. I feel like I created my own word or something ;) (whoa.. how much space are you taking up on your comp for my fics????!?!?!?!? That's amazing… AUS alone is like 200 pages or something…)

Chele: Believe me when I say I understand, my comps are crap too… I write my fic on one, transfer to another, disk it to another and that's the story of my life.

Ryanne: You are always so enthusiastic, it's great. I'm glad that my little (not so little?) fic is continually meeting your standards.

Secret Agent Girl: I sooo missed talking to you these last coupla days! I'm glad you liked the chap, HOPING TO SEE ONE OF YOURS **SOON** (ahem… put on your glasses)… GUESS WHAT???? I'm going to the zoo on Wednesday ahahahahahaahahah (no seriously).

freedoms: thanks so much~ I love being unpredictable ;) I'm glad that you like the story and continue to like it… only 2 chaps left so hopefully I can finish strong.

Chinkybrowneyes: all right all right I won't!!! hehe, thanks for all the compliments. 

Lainie: I'm so happy that you liked it and I'm also really happy because you mentioned everything in your review that I tried really hard to portray; thank you so much for making me feel like I did do something right after all (Her making sure it was actually Danny was my attempt at being "deep"/meaningful. Haha, don't laugh.)

Angela, twin*muse, IamVulcanlady: Wow, my fingers are actually getting tired but I feel like I have to include everyone that I remember but I'm too lazy to actually go online so if I forgot you I'm REALLY sorry (to everyone who reviewed) thanks for jumping with excitement, crying, laughing, etc. 

Dream Writer 4 Life: Thanks again for your ever-thoughtful critique; I don't agree with your dubbing me the Almighty Authoress but I'm not going to complain ;0) I think I'm going to let it be because people are yelling at me not to change it but maybe I will eventually when I'm mature enough to write it adequately and this story is old and dusty.

Me: I have to tell you that I could not agree with your reviews more; I know that 1-16 aren't so great but 17-now are pretty decent in my opinion too. Thank you so much for all of your great thoughts and encouragement. I have to tell you that I absolutely love it when people start reading late and then feel as if they have the obligation to review every chapter. Such a fun surprise :)

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To everyone I forgot, let me know and I'll definitely dedicate to you… I just figured it would be stupid if my dedication was longer than the chapter itself. (which it actually might be)

You guys are so amazing, thank you all so much. I have never gotten so many reviews for one chapter before (and this isn't even counting "me"'s reviews)! You have truly boosted up my spirits and have inspired me to write another chap. 

40.

There was a moment after her words when the hand that drew circles across her warm stomach stopped, a moment when she could no longer feel his comforting breath on her neck because it had been held instead. 

She bit her lip slightly in hesitation and nervousness even though she knew in her heart what his reaction had to be; he was going to be happy wasn't he?

He had always wanted to be the father that he never had the chance to have. 

So she stayed facing the window, watching the stars twinkle at her while her total surroundings went quiet. And then he withdrew his arm from around her and got out of bed. 

And then there was another moment when everything went still not because of what was happening outside of her but what was happening inside; the turmoil began but it was as silent as death. She turned around and sat up, the sheets pooling around her, watching in confusion as he walked out of the room.

She could feel the tears creeping along, slightly filling her eyes, mixing in with her slight terror and the sudden feeling of abandonment that engulfed her. After what had happened today... she had felt that the presence of another to love was a great gift; they had both lost so many people...

Against her will, she was struck with flashes of pictures that bombarded her mind; _lying on the sofa reading, Danny studying at the table; Danny coming from behind and landing on her laughing, smiling, kissing; opening up her shirt, kissing her stomach protectively, lovingly, telling her how much he wanted a family... How much he loved kids..._

Unchained Melody.

Her eyes snapped open as she heard the strain of music weave its way through the doorway, felt it permeate into her skin as she blinked back the tears in a soft smile. She shook her head slightly in embarrassment. How could she ever have doubted him for a second? She heard his soft footsteps coming back towards her and when she looked up again, saw him standing in front of her, a bowl in one hand, a remote control in the other.

Nonchalantly, he pointed the remote control behind him and she heard the rises and falls of the music get louder until they swept up her very soul. He sat beside her, lifted a finger to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, smiling at her with a love she had never seen or felt before. The love for two.

He leaned in to kiss her, placing the small wooden bowl in her hands. She moved to look into it but he stopped her with a kiss so full of meaning that she felt that her heart was about to stop. What had she done to deserve this man?

After what seemed to be an eternity of delirium from the feel of his mouth against hers, he pulled pack slightly so that his mouth was an inch from hers, as if he could not bear to pull back any further. He saw the question in her eyes and chuckled a little embarassedly, taking her hand in his own and letting her feel the contents.

"Potpourri. I wanted to give you a rose but I didn't have one. What I _did _have was potpourri from those 5 dozen roses that I bought for you last time." She laughed out loud, still swept up by the romance of it all, feeling as if she would rather have potpourri more than anything in the world. It was quickly snuffed when he captured her mouth again but she could still feel his smile against his lips, felt some strange excitement within him that she knew he was restraining.

He stood up and scattered a few handfuls around her, completely transforming the scent of the room and the look of the bed. Opening the top draw of his bed table, he took out two long, ivory candles and lit them, sending a peachy glow to the room and then stood still for a moment, watching the beauty of her face as the shadows danced across it, almost like live emotions.

And then the still slight tension was broken completely by her sudden outburst of laughing. The sheets shook, causing all the scattered, though perfectly placed, potpourri to come tumbling in a pile at her feet. 

She caught sight of Michael and felt the laughter bubble up again and caught his hand and made him sit with her, kissing him even as she laughed. 

"What is it?"

Laughter.

"Sydney, I know this isn't exactly the balcony room at our restaurant but I'm trying to be romantic here." She heard the twinge of humor in his voice and knew, despite his words, what he really wanted was to be let in on the joke.

She placed a hand on his cheek, smiling at him with shining eyes and the first look of true happiness she had had today. "Vaughn, this is _so_ romantic I can't even begin to describe it. It's absolutely perfect I promise."

He grinned. "What's so funny?"

She smiled widely and it was obvious that she was smiling in order to make up for her inability to laugh. But it didn't work and it began again. "I'm sorry," she gasped, "it's just that I can't believe that you have a specific candle-and-condom drawer. I mean did you get them in a set or something?"

He grinned, turning a little red. She saw in him then the little boy he must have have been and that filled her with a strange emotion. On a whim, she threw her arms around him, kissing him with an intensity that shocked him, thinking it had flown out the window with the discovery of the fact that he kept candles in the condom drawer. She shut her eyes tight in order to feel all the sensations running through her as she kissed the man who was indeed the love of her life. Her arms were full with him, her body encircled in his own, his warmth pressed up against hers, all in the scent on roses and a beautiful song that Vaughn had thoughtfully put on repeat.

She lay down bringing him with her, wanting the whole length of him to be on her, pressing on her so that she knew that it was real, that everything was truly happening. Her fingers tumbled into his hair, weaving the strands between her fingers, pressing him closer to her even as his own hands pressing behind her back eliminated any space there was between them.

She felt his mouth depart from her own, trail kisses along her neck and in the hollow of her throat but then he pulled back, hair mussed and breathing heavily. She propped herself on her elbows, watching him curiously. He smiled at her, shaking his head. "Syd, how do you always manage to shake up things that I plan? You are beautiful and irresistible but I'm_ not_ going to let you deter me this time."

Sitting up, she watched silently and he brought _Unchained Melody_ to its beginning and took the potpourri in his hands to scatter them again. And then he bent over her and unclasped the necklace from around her neck. 

She felt naked without it. 

Kneeling by her bedside, he took off the delicate white-gold ring with its solitary diamond from the thin silver chain and took her hand in his. Clearing his throat, he smiled at her nervously, letting her know that beginning was always the hardest part.

"Sydney, I have known you for two years and have loved you for nearly that long. Four months ago I stated my feelings for you and, you knows this already, I have to tell you that they have been the most fulfilling four months of my entire life. No one in this world has ever made or will be able to make me feel the way I do whenever I'm with you. You make me feel like the man I want to be, make me want to be better so that I deserve you even though half the time I don't even understand what you want with someone like me.

"About a month ago, I proposed to you in the midst of 68 candles and violin music and topped it off with an Italian meal and cranberries frozen into the ice cubes. I told you that day that it was a promise, that I was asking in advance." He smiled at her wondering face. "It's advance. I may not have those ice cubes or the violins... and I only have two candles which have been sharing living quarters with condoms all of their lives- but I'm kneeling here in front of you offering you my entire heart, my entire being. 

"Sydney Bristow, will you marry me?"

She let those precious words hang in for small eternity, feeling the tears brim once again though for a very different reason. 

She dropped to the floor beside him, placing her hands on either side of his face. "It was never about the cranberries you idiot." She smiled. "Of course I'll marry you. How can you even think for a second that all that stuff might matter? I have potpourri... and a bed that I don't have to drive for 15 minutes to get to." His eyes twinkled in humor before hugging him to her. All she had left was a whisper to convey her feelings. "Thank you."

He closed his eyes in thankfulness for a minute before finally pulling back and letting true happiness and wonderment come through. Brushing his thumb across her cheek, he grinned at her. "I'm going to be a father." It was said in a whisper as if he were indulging some great secret. 

She smiled, bringing his hand to her stomach. "Yes."

****

TBC...

One more and I think you know what that chapter is going to be about... So no more cliffs... But anyway, had a ton of fun writing this chapter~

Reviews definitely appreciated.

Happy reading,

-Jenn


	41. Damn You For Seducing Me

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An Undefinable Sweetness

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Dedications

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Okay, I lied, there is going to be one more after this one too. Agh, sorry I just keep on forgetting things I want to write and I swear I'm trying to wrap it up!!! (I'm actually cutting a bunch of stuff out if that makes you feel better a.k.a. J/I stuff and the connection between Irina and Sloane I let die too)~

__

Thank you sooooo much for all the amazing support that you have given me and for your willingness to stay with this fic for so long. Like Vaughn said to Sydney, these last four months have been incredibly fulfilling.

To:

Jade: I am so absolutely certain I have dedicated to you before but you definitely should get another. You are one of those incredibly awesome readers who reviews every chapter, always gives encouragement and shows enthusiasm every time. So thank you so much, I had a blast.

Kittyfantastico: you reviews rock. What else can I say? I love reading them and I'm glad you like reading the fic. Hope the last few chaps make you happy J 

speedy: from one cynical adolescent to another, thanks. You always make me feel great and I love how funny your reviews can be…or maybe I just have no social life and then find reviews funny… whatever

cowpenguin: no offense taken, I would have avoided this story too because I also detest the first couple of chapters…namely all of them until like 16 or 17. Nice to know you like it now though J 

LeiraNoxid: Your review made my day…which also kind of shows that it doesn't take much to make my day but it was wonderful nevertheless. I definitely had a ton of fun writing that (it's sad but the condom-candle thing still makes me laugh even though it stopped really being funny the moment I woke up). Anyway, I'm digressing.

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A/N: This is not the last chapter... I realized that I had forgotten a pivotal scene which must take this chapter and I apologize if this aggravates you but that's the way it goes. So thanks to all of your for your undying support and here is the second-to-last chapter.

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I think I may have to get a copyright for that candles-in-the-condom-drawer thing,,, cough cough Becky cough cough HAHA just kidding, I'm flattered.

****

41.

"How do I look?" Her voice was worried, carrying a twinge of a nervousness that he had never heard before. At least not from her. He turned and looked at her and smiled, giving her a silent wolf-whistle of approval.

She didn't notice or didn't believe him, turning back to the mirror and smoothing the line of her skirt and adjusting the strings of her top. "Is this too provocative? I think this may be too provocative." She turned to go back to her closet when she felt his arms stopping her.

There was a laugh in his voice. "Sydney, what's going on? I have never seen you this nervous before and I _know_ that you've done a lot of things that are worth being nervous over."

"What's going _on?_ Maybe it's not that important to you Michael because you've already given your first impression but she hasn't even met me yet Vaughn! Don't you understand how important this is?" Her eyes were wide, panicked, her voice slurred and unsteady.

She turned around quickly, forsaking the mirror and the blush brush that dangled lifelessly in her hand as her eyes went wide in horror. "Vaughn? What will she say when she finds out I'm pregnant? Oh my God, she's going to think I'm a tramp." She swatted at his arm. "Damn you for seducing me!"

She stopped when she heard his laugh and then couldn't help but laugh herself. She sat down, shaking her head. "Oh my God. I'm looking at myself and I can't believe I'm such a wreak."

His reassuring hand rested lightly on her back. "Sydney, she is going to love you. We're engaged. And besides, if you don't want her to know, she doesn't have to know. Syd... If my mother can love me based on _my_ first impression... which came with unparalleled pain, crying, and a screaming baby, I think she can find it in her heart to love you," he smiled softly, smoothing away the scrunched skin between her eyebrows. "In fact, I can _guarantee_ that she will love you."

Sydney grinned before realizing something else. "Vaughn...does she know that we're engaged already? What if she's angry? What if she wanted to meet me beforehand? Should...should I ask for your hand or something?"

He laughed at her. "Sydney...you may not believe me but my mother already loves you. Do you seriously think that I could stand not telling my own mother about the woman I love? And even if I had tried to hide it, she would have known. My mother has a radar for love that is absolutely unsurpassable," he watched as she turned back to toy with her hair. "Syd," he said softly, taking her hands away, "You look absolutely perfect so stop changing. You look really pretty."

She relaxed into him, smelling the sweet scent of his cologne and the smell that somehow only belonged to him lying under that. "Thank you," she said, smiling. 

They drove in a comfortable silence to the house, hands softly clasped together. Sydney's voice broke that with a single question. "Vaughn...does your mother know...who my mother is?"

"No."

"Should she know?"

"I'm not sure yet."

~:~

The doorbell had barely finished its trill when the door opened, revealing a petite smiling woman. The woman who had always smiled so gaily at the camera in the pictures that lined Michael's apartment.

"Ah, mon beaux fils!" She smiled and placed her hands on both sides of his face and kissed him lightly, eyes brightening before she turned to Sydney and blushed slightly. "I'm sorry, I completely lost myself. What will you think of me now?"

Sydney couldn't help smiling at the simple charm of this woman with her lilting accent and sheepish grin. She walked into the older woman's hug and kissed her cheeks lightly. 

"Sydney can speak French, maman."

"Really? That's lovely." His mother smiled indulgently, believing the extent of this French to be of high-school level. She clasped her hands in her own and drew her inside. "Please come in, I have been so excited to meet you."

She nodded and stepped inside, turning backwards just in time to catch Michael's self-satisfied grin of "I told you so."

They sat around the small marble table though she immediately got up to get the steaming tray of tea that was already waiting on the counter in the kitchen. Michael quickly stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. "Maman, I know where the tray is, why don't you sit down and talk with Sydney while I get it?"

Bridgette Vaughn smiled in understanding and gratefulness. "Merci beaucoup Michèl, that's just what I had wanted you to do."

He smiled and kissed her cheek. "You know me too well."

"I'm your mother."

~:~

Sydney fingered the picture that lay on the coffee table. "Is this Michael's father, Mrs. Vaughn?"

Bridgette Vaughn leaned and nodded at the picture, eyes growing misty despite the years that had put themselves between the present and his death so long ago. "Yes. Yes, that is my William."

"Michael looks just like him," Sydney looked up, grinning despite the sudden twisting guilt that wracked her entire body. "I can certainly see why you fell in love with him."

The older woman smiled gratefully and sat next to Sydney, clasping her hands once more. "Call me Bridgette. And I must say that you certainly know how to get your way into a mother's heart. Complimenting her son is always a good way to get in her good graces," she said with a wink.

"But it's the truth," Sydney stated earnestly, "Mrs- Bridgette, there was a point in my life where I felt as if there was nothing worth living for anymore, I felt as if every aspect of my life was a lie and that I didn't even deserve to be a part of it anymore. And then when I met Michael… he's been more than anyone else could have been to me. I haven't even told _him_ this yet but it's the truth. He brought me out of that depression and by the time I could stand on my own two feet again, the truth is, I didn't want to."

Bridgette's eyes reflected a sort of mixture of happiness and sorrow, her eyes wrinkling with a small smile. "That, my dear, is how I know that what you feel is true. That is exactly how I felt about my husband. But I have to tell you-" here her voice hushed, "I know that what I am about to say to you will not make any sense to you but I'm asking you not to ask anyone questions and to just believe what I am telling you. My husband was killed in the line of duty."

Sydney swallowed, nodding. It suddenly dawned on her that Michael's mother was unaware of her own occupation.

"Michael is in a line of work that calls upon him to risk his life everyday. I thought that I could accept it when William told me about his erratic hours, I believed in my heart that I would learn to accept that there would be moments when he would dash away at a moment's notice at any minute of the day. But when he left me… a part of me died. It is still dead. There is no pain that hurts more than the pain that you feel in the deepest reaches of your heart at the moment you realize that the love of your life is gone. 

"You tell me that you were in a place in your life where you felt lost, alone, where you felt that everyone and everything was a complete lie. I have been there and I want to tell you that as much as I believe that you are the perfect woman for my son and I want you to become a part of my family already, if you are expecting him to continue to be by your side for the rest of your life… things might change. He might only be able to stay with you for the rest of _his_ life. And that might not be so long."

She didn't know what to say, was still attempting to process what his mother wanted her to do, what he wanted her to say when she heard Michael's voice from the door. "Mother, I don't think you have to worry about that. You don't understand our relationship and I think that it is time that you learn."

It was Bridgette's turn to have a moment of realization as her gaze shifted from Michael to Sydney and back again. "You met because of your work?" Her question was cautious.

He sat down in the chair in front of her. "Sydney is a CIA agent. Until yesterday, she was a double-agent for SD-6. The chance of her dying is far more probable than the chance of me dying. Mother… that was what Dad was working on. It was taken down yesterday."

Sydney could almost hear the older woman's throat choking up though she could slightly feel that not all of it was from shock. It was almost as if she was happy. That her husband had not died in vain. That perhaps his life had had more meaning and contribution than she had originally thought. 

"So you two are not… together?" Confusion was setting in.

"No, no, mother you don't understand." Michael sat down next to Sydney and took her hand in his. "We are. I was her handler for the past two years and we've been seeing each other for the last 5 months."

"But I know that CIA protocol-" she stopped, a slight grin overcoming her face, "She is the woman you were telling me about last year?"

He chuckled. "More like the woman you _forced_ me to tell you about Maman."

"You were never good at hiding your feelings, Michèl, I'm surprised they allow you to work at the CIA. So when you were telling me about that woman that you wanted but couldn't have…"

He nodded, a flush spreading over his cheeks and he inwardly resolved not to look at Sydney's face until he was sure that the topic had changed and the smirk he knew was there was gone.

Bridgette looked over at Sydney, winking roguishly, "You must think me quite rude for what I said earlier. But I can tell you now for sure that my son truly adores you."

It was her turn to blush and Michael turned to his mother. "Maman, it's more than just adoration. I love her."

The tears came back full force into his mother's eyes as a smile cracked open. "I'm so glad Michael, I was beginning to lose hope…" she smiled at Sydney. "I'm so glad that he chose you instead of that other one. She was nice but never meant for him."

Sydney couldn't help but nod with agreement.

"Maman, yesterday I was almost killed."

The sentence hung in the air like a heavy curtain and the joy that had been in the room was suddenly cut off. His mother's worst fears had been about to come true and now all of her walls were built back up, protection of her family had become a primal instinct. 

"Before you say anything, let me just say that I am perfectly fine and everything was a complete success. But what almost happened to me gave me new perspective on my life, on the people in my life." 

She waited, knowing that there was more. 

"I proposed to Sydney last night, maman. We wanted to personally invite you to our wedding."

****

TBC…

If you want the last chapter and you know it, clap your hands. *Reading this over… there actually might be yet another chapter before the last but I doubt it*

(and then push the little purple button and review… and tell me if you actually clapped because that's fun stuff)

Muchos loves~

-JeNnifER


	42. This Moment Right Here

**An Undefinable Sweetness**

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_Dream Writer 4 Life… haha, yes I DID see your disclaimer after I found your adamant denial of idea-stealing in your review. {winks} I grovel for your forgiveness._

_Ryanne__... Perhaps you should go back a read the last couple chapters again because some of__ the answers to  your questions were huge portions of them. Danny's demise was tied in with Vaughn's cliff in CHs. 38-39 and the last chapter is either this one or the next one~ Sorry if my writing was uber-crazy and hard to follow. _

_Secret Agent Girl... I couldn't let the possible-last chapter go by without dedicating to you because you have no idea how much of an inspiration you have been to me; perhaps you are an incarnation of Gracie as well as of myself. Hope you're wearing your reading glasses~ (and hope this chapter is S/V enough... Trying my best)_

_Kat: Haha, yes you ARE on the list because you're so much fun... I mean I know that the only interaction I have with you is from your reviews and my dedications but they always make me smile because you are ca-raaa--zeeee... Like me. _

_Thesheeplover__: muahahaha i love your name... Oh man I nearly fell over from that alone. _

_Speedy: haha, one less fic to keep track of! (even though I did add 3 more and there is another on the way ;) Anyway, I hope that you like this last chapter and good luck with the whole college thing!_

_Yostamaca__: You can have a finished file for this fic now… it's not going to get any longer. I am so "yay" by you… (see how I didn't even know how to express myself?) Haha, if I'm your God, then you are my God for making me your God._

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Last Chapter? Not Last Chapter? I don't know... I'll let you know by the end of the chapter... We'll see how everything works out.

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**I realized something… "Undefinable" is not a word. It's supposed to be "indefinable" but I like the way "Undefinable" sounds better so I'm not going to change it. Just wanted to let you know that I'm stupid… but it _does_ sounds better so…meh {sticks out tongue} (don't seem so mature now huh?)**

42.

"Vaughn... your mother liked me." She felt his smile start to spread against her neck.

"I told you she would." His arms turned her around so that he could embrace her in a hug. He couldn't help but laugh at the complete expression of relief that covered her face, as if she had just released her breath after holding it for a very, very long time. 

And now she was biting her lip and he knew that she was trying to get up the nerve to ask him something. He stroked her cheek softly with his finger, marveling as he always did at his ability to touch her.

"Syd? What is it? Whatever it is, just tell me; you don't have to be scared of my reaction."

"Vaughn... Do you think that it would be wrong to just not tell your mother about my mother... I mean she seems to have moved on already and she _likes _me and there's nothing wrong so far. It just seems as if bringing up the past like that will not only bring back the past but will also taint the way she thinks of me and-" 

She released her breath, finally getting the courage to meet his gaze, "I know that _you_ know and have been able to move on because you love me but haven't there been moments -even if they were only when you just found out- that you have resented me?"

The slightly shocked expression that entered his eyes told her that she had underestimated his love for her.

"Sydney… of course finding out what your mother had done was a shock to me and I _was _angry at her but I never resented _you_. I could never resent you." 

"That's what I'm talking about. If you didn't have feelings for me… even if we were just casual friends, wouldn't that knowledge change the way that you thought about me? I know that this is technically dishonest and that your mother should know because… it's her right to know but… I _don't_ know. I'm so scared that she's going to turn around and tell me that I ruined her family or something." Her small smile seemed ashamed as she looked up at him, a question in her eyes that made her seem like a petulant child.

He wasn't looking at her, his eyes were closed and he was nodding slightly. "I was actually thinking that same thing, Syd. When my father died… he was the love of her life and I don't think that she ever truly got over him but she's managed to finally move on. And that took her years to do. 

"I can't see what good any of this information will do for her because she was never even explicitly filled in on all the details of his murder. And if knowing will change the way she thinks about you; Syd, I know that it's not starting with an absolutely clean slate and I know that it's at least slightly dishonest but I think that not telling Maman about this will be better for all of us too."

She hugged him, breathing out a silent breath of relief; though this was also releasing tension from her and allowed her a moment's peace… she was truly glad that she wouldn't have to be the bearer of bad news so long since past. 

Some business is better left unfinished.

~:~

The invitations came on thick creamy paper tied off at the top with white ribbons. The calligraphy, in which their names as well as the information of the wedding, was done in the purest black ink and held no secrets. There would be no tricks for this; no codes to unscramble or words to reread… this day, even if only this day, would be straightforward and completely honest.

For it _was_ simple; uncomplicated. It was the joining of two people who were so completely in love with each other despite their surroundings and their complicated lives… it seemed fitting that this pure love be accompanied with a ceremony simple enough that any person could understand it.

The music swelled in the background with beautiful lilting melodies that were unknown enough to simply be "beautiful" without attached titles or composers. This ceremony did not belong to Mozart or Bach or Olivia Newton John.

It belonged to Sydney Bristow and Michael Vaughn.

Soft breezes continually rolled through the crowd, rustling the soft white flowers that were intertwined along the walls and aisles of the lush, closed garden. On top of the green grass lay the white carpet leading up to a gazebo carved from mahogany and accentuated by the twisting stems and soft petals of the lilies that curled around every crevice. 

Michael Vaughn stood there, waiting, a secret smile lighting his expression and he had to continually remind himself not to wring his hands or pinch himself. The warmth of anticipation spread throughout his body as he finally heard the familiar tune of the wedding march. 

All the other women were faceless to him and he had to keep himself from jumping to catch a glimpse of Sydney. 

And then there she was.

Clad in a white empire-waist dress, her small veil unable to hide her sparkling eyes, she slowly made her way towards him, hand squeezing her father's arm ever so slightly, stepping in beat to the song, each step taking her closer to her future. 

And then she was there, standing in front of him with 30 other pairs of eyes watching them. She fought the urge to laugh in happiness and compromised with a smile that nearly covered her entire face. His face mirrored hers, his lips mouthing three words to her. 

It was hard for him to keep his eyes only on her own; Michael wanted to twirl her around and take her into his arms… he wanted to place a hand on her stomach even though she had only just barely started to show.

He took her, then, to be his wife; she took him to be her lawfully wedded husband. They had already survived sickness, health, and death. There was only one thing left now that legally separated them.

Vows. 

He paused, taking a moment to look at her before starting to speak.

"Sydney, your entrance into my life was… dynamic to say the least. And every day since then, I have gotten to know you increasingly better and _now_, here we are. It's amazing to me that I could be standing here with you; it's unreal that you could actually love me when I feel as if I sometimes don't even deserve you. You are the most beautiful and genuine person I have ever met and all I want is to spend the rest of my life with you.

"We have definitely had our obstacles and the fact that we have managed to overcome them proves to me that our love can weather anything; I will never stop being surprised by you and I know that today will truly by the beginning of the rest of my life and I can't wait another minute to start it with you.

"I love you."

She smiled, shaking her head before speaking. "Michael Vaughn, you have just stolen my entire vow to you. But I knew you would so I've been working on my improvisation skills. 

"You are the one person that I can turn to no matter what is happening around me and I am so grateful that I have that kind of foundation in you. You have been my peer, my friend, my boyfriend, and now you are going to be my husband and I feel so incredibly lucky to be standing here next to you. I want you to know that I feel safe knowing that no matter what is going on, I can trust you to save me even if it involves getting on a plane to fly to Spain on a minute's notice-"

There was a general laughter from the people sitting down though Vaughn only smiled, recognizing the utter truth in her words.

"You have saved me from myself, you have saved me from life _and _from death, and… _I know_… that being with you will make me happy for the rest of my life. Everything else that I have _ever_ accomplished is completely diminished now that I have you. You are everything that I have ever worked towards; everything that I could ever want and more. So now, I'm just going to tell you this one thing. 

"Nothing else matters except this moment right here. _This_ is our happily ever after."

_~Fin~_

_Wow… 42 chapters later, this "little" fic is [finally?] over. Eh… as always, I'm filled with insecurities and even know I feel as if there is something missing so, as always, feel free to give me suggestions or just commands telling me to rewrite this chapter._

**_Regarding this "sequel" that some of you are mentioning:_**

_*****Some of you have been mentioning a sequel and my reaction is **Lord, haven't you had enough of this super-long story?!?!?!?!?** But actually… I am not opposed to a sequel… I'm just clear out of ideas for one. So if you really want one then give me an idea for a plot (if it's too intricate and detailed and secret, e-mail it to me @ aliaswriter@hotmail.com) and I'll see what I can do._

_ (Ideas for any other stories that you have but are too lazy to write can also be e-mailed to me, I'll try to get it down for you;))_

_Otherwise, I hope you guys enjoyed this… I'm so sad to see that it's over [tear]. I cannot express how grateful I am for all your support; I never believed that I would garner [pun intended] such a huge response and I love it! Lordy… nearly 1000 reviews, what a welcome to my near-first fic!_

_All right, so now you're released from this one so check my others out (they can be found by clicking on the purple "Jennifer" if you haven't figured that out.)_

_Feedback greatly appreciated~_

_I love you guys!_

_-Jennifer_


	43. FOF

Hey guys… I know that you all probably thought that you hyad seen the last of the AUS crowd but there is just one more.

To all of you who have read, wanted to read, are reading, felt like reading, reviewed, didn't review, wanted to review, etc… An Undefinable Sweetness (for some reason) has been nominated for Outstanding Novel at the Festival of Fic 2003. 

FOF2003 can be found:     here and I've been nominated for a couple other things as well but I just wanted to ask any of you who thought that this story was worth reading or even mildly interesting (or if you're just bored) to vote for me J

All you have to do is send an e-mail to fof­_novel@yahoo.com and write something like 

            An Undefinable Sweetness- Jennifer

Yeah. 

Also, if you REALLY have some free time, one other thing I've been nominated for is Outstanding Author and though I'm not sure I even deserve the nomination (especially looking at the other names on the list)… I wouldn't object to your vote lol. Anyway, the e-mail for that one would be fof_author@yahoo.com ~ Thank you all so much and thanks for bothering to come look at AUS one more time.

-Jennifer

P.S.       That is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated. 

Hehe, I just like that.


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